[rexie]

First, a little background:

When I first starting trying to conceive, I was very open about it. I realized quickly that I couldn't just tell anyone and everyone because more often than not, they just don't get it. We took a break for a while and in Aug 05, we started trying again. I told my husband that I didn't want anyone but my parents to know because I just couldn't deal with the questions and at the time, I meant it.

Since then, I've told two of my friends and the other night while hanging out with some couple friends of ours, I mentioned it to them. He didn't seem surprised by it and even joined in with an anecdote about IUI. However, on the way home, he asked me why I told them and reminded me that it was me who wanted to keep it quiet. We had a long discussion about it and he insists he's not mad, but he admitted to not understanding.

Basically, it depends on my mood. Sometimes I NEED to talk about it. Sometimes I'm just not that sensitive about it and sometimes, I absolutely cannot stand the thought that people know. At that moment, I wasn't sensitive about it. I was in a good mood - we were outside at a festival, listening to music, and chatting with good friends and the topic of kids came up. For some reason, it just felt right to say it.

My husband thinks I'll regret telling them and he's probably right, but at that very moment, it seemed like a good idea. He tried to understand, but couldn't. His emotions don't rollercoaster like mine. Not being able to conceive bothers him, but he doesn't react to it like I do.

Does anyone else waver when it comes to telling people? Do you sometimes feel like you need to say it and then regret it?

[alinahov]

Hi Rexie,
It all sound so familiar! I too told my Dh not to tell anyone for same reason as yours and I was the one who ended up telling someone...
I tried to explain him that it just depends how I feel about it at each particular time, but I don't think he completly understood.
I did have times that I wish I never told some people, mainly because they feel they have a right to adice you "better way to get pregnant" or would ask questions at most inappropriate times.

[rexie]

Yep. The regret always comes when they say something insensitive, albeit unintentionally. Then I get mad at myself for ever mentioning it, but I never learn my lesson. Maybe I'm just hoping I'll eventually find the person who says all the right things.

I do have to say that both of them reacted wonderfully -- excited and supportive and understanding, it was refreshing.

[J9yinyang]

I solved that problem by telling almost everyone. I expect people to ask stupid questions and remarks and make jack@sses of themselves, but that's their problem, not mine. At first it really bothered me. But only from the people who know me best. I could tell an acquaintance much easier than a friend or family member. Anyway, my family still sucks, but my friends have finally come around. The ones that say terribly unhelpful or rude things now just shut up instead, and one has even found a way to be a little understanding. But I don't look for support from those people anymore, anyway. I've found more support online here, anyway.

[vandycamp]

I completely understand where you are coming from. I decided not to tell anyone what we were going through, bc honestly, I didnt want their pity. I have a hard enough time dealing with everything, without people feeling sorry for me. I did eventually tell some friends that we were having trouble, and some of them pried and I told them a little more. But now that we are onto the IVF, I have only told my mom, my boss (bc of all the time I need off), and the nurse I work with (bc she has helped me with the shots). This way people are not referring to me being the one who bought her kids, or the poor girl who is having so much trouble having kids. It is a difficult and personal decision. Everyone has to make up their own minds of what they would like to do. Do what you feel is right. The men will get over it, no matter what you decide.

[bethann0602]

I agree. I have only told my sister and one of my friends. Unless people have gone through it they do not know what to say. My opinion is I will let them know when I am pregnant. This is my personal decision. It has been a roller coaster of emotions the last three years. I am hoping to find success soon. I am currently going through my first IVF cycle.

[Boston73]

I felt it difficult at first to tell anyone..but eventually I told my parents, a few friends and my two cousins that are like my sisters. But no one else in my family knows. I have 3 brothers who know nothing about whats going on.
But it actually feels good to be able to talk to someone about it and everyone is really supportive and understanding. Sometimes I regret telling my friends, you know people talk, but I need them sometimes to lean on.

But my DH doesn't tell anyone..not his parents or his sisters, he has 4. I don't think he's even told his closest friends. He knows that my parents know, we both talk to them about it a little. It doesn't seem to bother him that much...but I can tell sometimes that he gets irritated if there's too much said. Is anyone elses DH's the same way? I wonder if he feels ashamed in a way that we can't conceive naturally? I know he likes to keep his private life private. But I do wonder. He's a Police Officer, so he has that kind of rough exterior, doesn't let anyone in but me. Well, hopefully we'll have some luck with our 1st cycle with IVF/ICSI so we can finally relax and enjoy it.

Sorry that I went on and on!!!!
Thanks for listening!
Jill