[leelee]

Hello ladies,

I hope you are all having a good weekend. I'm going to have a little time with DH this week (he normally works really long hrs) and I need to talk to him about this IF, specifically starting the treatment up again. He is extremely supportive, wanted to have children as much or more than I did in the beginning, we used to talk and dream about it all the time, but we rarely speak of it anymore. I'm a little nervous actually about bringing this up with him. The last time we talked about it was over 6mos ago, we got different ins. and he mentioned I could start seeing the IF dr's again, but that was it. I think he feels like it depresses or hurts me to talk about it. He has never once said anything blaming or to make me feel guilty about it, even though the IF problems are all my own, and he is 100% ok with adoption. Several yrs back, when my Clomid kept failing and failing, he said if all this doesn't work out then we'll adopt, I was surprised that I didn't have to try and talk him into it.

Anyway, he's not a big talker like I am it's hard for me to tell what he really thinks. I know he'll go along with whatever I want to do. I've stalled on these treatments so long, b/c it's been too heartbreaking for me, without realizing not having a child has probably been heartbreaking for him as well. I almost hate to start going back to the dr, to get both our hopes up, and then to have them crushed as they've been so many times. I feel as if I don't at least give it another try it's something I'll regret forever. I think I've come to a stage in this IF after 7yrs that is difficult to describe, I feel as if I've deprived my husband of being a father, and my mother years of the enjoyment she would have had with a grandchild.

I'm just not sure how to even have this conversation, I know he won't be mad or anything like that--the opposite, I'm afraid he'll get his hopes up too much. Give yourself a pat on the back if you finished this and please give me some advice if you have any. Thanks so much, leelee

[Kellileanne]

Tell him you want one more go around! Yeah he may get his hopes up, won't you? Explain to him how you are feeling and write out a plan together on what you are willing to do with if treatmens and where you guys will draw the line and move on to adoption. With a plan in front of you, you both will be able to look at that plan and know what your next step is. You can always change those plans, extend them or shorten them. This way you are making the plan together and you know eachother's expectations. Make sure you both keep an open mind and let the other know what your exact feelings are! I wish you all the luck!!!

[leelee]

Hey Kelli, that's a good idea about writing down a plan, we've never done that before. Yes, I will definitely get my hopes up, no matter how hard I try not to, but I guess that's all part of it. Who knows, maybe 2007 will finally be our year! Good luck to you too! leelee

[Kellileanne]

Our first "Plan" that we wrote was on remodeling our house, then I found that it really had so many more uses! Our current fertility plan is about to expire (christmas) and we move on to the next step of requesting an RE. I think it helps to calm me in knowing that time isn't getting away from me! If we are lucky with this next cycle we would probably find out just 2 weeks before Christmas--what a Christmas present that would be (and then no need for the next step in our fertility plan but we would end up skipping a couple of steps for the house remodeling plan!)!!!

Good Luck!!! Hang in there!

[jnem]

I agree, planning is the key! That's where I really messed up because the time just got away from me and by the time I noticed, I mean REALLY noticed, like wake up and panic! Years go by faster and faster, last time I checked I was 28!

Jen

[leelee]

The years do go by so fast I agree. I haven't said anything yet-tomorrow's the day for it. I'm so weird, I don't know why I get worked up over this stuff. Thanks for your help

[Just~A~]

Good luck, leelee! I hope you two don't give up ttc just yet (by seeing an RE). Seeing an RE was the best thing I ever did. We also made an agreement together - what we were willing to try and how much money to spend, etc. Fortunately, we've always been on the same page.

Best wishes to you!

Angie

[jenedens6102]

Good luck with your conversation. I know that this can be taxing and it's not an easy subject sometimes. However, you guys must face the reality of the situation and determine together what is best for both of you. I'm a detailed planned out kind of person so I've always looked at a year with our budget and figure out what you can afford in terms of treatment. Do you want to go back to things you've already tried, do you want additional testing to determine if there isn't more at stack, do you want to move on to something more, etc.

[leelee]

Well I did it! I have an appt on the 28th to schedule the dreaded laparoscopy, but trying to be positive, it will be a step in the right direction. Will go from there depending on the results. I ended up telling my mom, hopefully she won't get her hopes up too much this time around. Thanks for everyone's support