[nedege24]

This is my story,
I’ve been married for 5yrs, ttc for 4, say 41/2.My DH have two sons from his pass life, a 21 and 18 yrs old. we talked about having a child every day in the beginning, did every test possible to me , because most of our doctors without even looking at him taught the problem was me,of course he already proved his manhood in their minds with his two sons.For years no result, until our present Dr. said there is nothing wrong with me, at lease medically , so he decided to do a semen analysis on DH, only to find out he has 4% morphology which we further learned stem from him having verecoceles. Dr. then suggested that we do 1 round of IUI,( mine you DH had the Surgery in October 2006) if that fails we move to IVF, in the office he was fine with it. After 3 months of wait we finally started, I was taking my shots, the morning of insemination he says to me that he can, he did not know how to tell me before, he feels like less of a man because of his inability to reproduce, and he feels like I’m not being understanding and supportive of the fact that he did the surgery, and he thinks we should at lease try naturally for another year before trying to do anything else, even though that is understandable I still feel like this should have been discussed before hand, but still before all this time, money, stress and pain. So of course I packed my stuff and went back to mom.

He apologized; I am back home, now we’re waiting till the end of 2007 to give the surgery a chance. And I can’t help feeling like the entire thing is just wrong or unfair in some way, I don’t know any more, what I feel, it could be emptiness or longing.
Don’t you think we should use every option and if all else fail then we know we still have the possibility of improvement in the morphology.

Sorry for the length of this and thanks for listening, it feels better telling you than telling myself for the hundred time.

[jenedens6102]

So sorry to hear that this is causing such an issue between the two of you. Infertility can definitely make or break any relationship, even if you think it's rock solid. There are some environmental changes that can be made, like not smoking, staying away from excessive heat, etc to possibly improve the morphology but we've found in our case it doesn't necessarily mean it's golden. Just because he had the surgery doesn't mean it fixed the issue, I'd recommend a repeat SA. As far as his feelings you do need to be just as sensitive to them as he is to your desire to have children. It's not easy for men to hear that the problem lies with them, they don't know how to respond to such a punch in the gut. I understand his timing could have been better but what's in the past is in the past, look toward the future. Check things out online and find out what you can do to further increase your chances. I know GNC has stuff called Mega Man and Fertility Blend for Men that might help his reproductive health as well. Anything is worth a shot.

[tulip23]

I am really sorry that you have been trying without success for so long.I hope u get ur little angel soon.As jenedens6102 rightly said,IF can cause havoc to a realationship if handled wrongly or bring couples closer than ever if they r able to understand and support each other.Try being more supportive to ur DH .Its really difficult for them to deal with their IF problems and it would help if u were more sensitive which I am sure u r.I understand we break down sometimes bcoz we r not able to realize our dreams but IF is a difficult path but the end is very beautiful..just have the hope,patience,courage and faith.Things will change for better .You have my best wishes!!!!!

[Lori123]

So sorry you are down! Did DH have another SA since the surgery? If there is big improvement - you guys have a good chance this year on your own!
Lori

[Go-Getter-Girl]

Hi nedege24,

I agree with everyone else here......be careful because the stress of infertility can cause trouble in the marriage.

Perhaps after 6 months of trying he will change his mind and decide to go with another route. This way both of you will be meeting half way on the time table.

I am sending prayers your way right now.

[einstein]

My DH has antisperm antibodies and he was very upset when he learned that he was the cause of our IF. He knew how upset I was and that hurt him deeply and he told me that it's very hard for a man to accept that his manhood is in question.

But my DH had no problem with the IVF, because like me, he wanted kids desperately. I say, go and give it some time to ensure that the surgery worked and then revisit the subject of IVF again in about 6 months.

IF is very stressful on a marriage -- I"VE LIVED THROUGH IT and can attest to that. There's plenty of anger and fighting and such. But you can move through this difficult time as long as you work together and communicate. Good luck.

[Kim0623]

I have to agree with Einstein. If your dh wants to wait a year and you want to start treatment asap, then maybe you could find a middle ground and wait 6 months before starting treatment. In that time, I would have another SA or two done to see if the surgery helped. Hopefully, the surgery will have worked and you won't even make it to the 6 month mark of more trying!!

[Angelwithhope]

I agree with both what the ladies here said and what your DH has said. My DH had vericocele surgery too and we didn't see an improvement on his counts for oh about 6-8 months, then he went from 8 mill to 16 mill at his latest SA. It will take time, it takes 90 days for a new batch of sperm (I remember them telling us that! ) to reform and get themselves ready to go. Hang in there!

I also agree that his timing was quite off, as to tell you he wasn't feeling the IVF.How unfortunate it is that men feel so upset when they can't fix something on their own. My DH is much the same way. Hang in there and talk, that's what we've found got us through the two years of TTC, the vericocele surgery, the clomid, the unanswered questions, the loss of our first pregnancy. Keep in tune to each other, and reassure one another too!! Best wishes Sweetie!

[nedege24]

thank you all, you ladies are great , didn't think i would feel 50% better after reading your post
now i wish i had magical powers to give you all your hearts desire.
thank you again

[KuddleyGal]

I too know how it is when there is part MF IF going on. And it is very hard for their ego's. I live with ours everyday trying to figure out what will make him feel just a little better, and yes indeed it has been a true test to our relationship to say the least.

I have asked the same questions to myself that you have. It is hard I know, try and hang in there.

[Nuti-Lady]

I have lived with infertility for many years. When I met DH he said he was fine with not having children etc. Dealing with 'knowing it was me' was something I got used to. However, in the process of trying for IVF last year we learnt that DH had a low sperm count. Suddenly DH turned the whole thing into 'it's all about him' ... I found this very very hurtful as I felt that he completely negated all the emotions etc I had dealt with over the years. He started implying to friends that the reason we dont have a family is because of his low sperm count, then I noticed he started to get angry about it. When speaking to him he said that he felt he was letting me down and felt helpless in the TTC process. He suddenly became focused on TTC naturally. My main reason for responding to your post is that I had to change
MY perspective ... I now had to deal with my DH's emotions and thoughts. The biggest change was when I actually aknowledged his concerns and listened to him without my own agenda. I am not sure if this feedback helps, but it certainly brought us closer in the process.