[hope26]

So this IF thing is really starting to get to both my DH and myself as well as our marriage. We got into a heated discussion last night about BDing and how it shouldn't be planned and that I am getting obsessed and taking it way out of control. I was so hurt and felt so unsupported during our whole conversation. I tried to explain to him that as un-romantic that it was that we needed/should have sex last night to increase our chances of making our baby. He doesn't get that. He thinks that it should just happen and we shouldn't be on meds and calculating our times of intercourse. I attribue all of this to his naive idea of what and how a woman gets pregnant. He is the father to a beautiful little 8 year old boy, who was conceived accidentally while his partner was on BC and he wearing protection at 17 years old. I on the other hand have bend over backwards researching and learning about everything that goes on with a woman's body each month. I tried to explain the process and what our bodies are doing, but he doesn't really get it or seem like he is interested in it. I am beginning to feel like this hope and dream WE have shared for so long has turned into something I only want now and not him. He is of coarse telling me otherwise, but I still can't help but wonder if he really means it or not.

Does anybody else have problems like this or is my DH simply the only one with less of a desire to BD on a schedule?

[MIRANDA12503]

Sorry to hear your and your DH are struggling with the planned BD thing....I am sure we all have been there. I would give him a little room and maybe then just tell him how important it is to you to feel like you are doing all you can to achieve your dreams. men handle this so different than we do.

I try to spice it up a bit LOL I onced convinced my DH to help me "break" in every room in our house LOL
That covered a couple of months LOL

Good luck

Miranda

[TiffanyW]

I am sorry you are going through this with your hubby. My husband got mad at me in the beginning of ttc about schedule BDing. I really agree with the previous poster about spicing it up. I really try to leave my husband out of knowing when I ovulate and the special times just so he doesn't feel pressured or anything. But that's getting kind of hard with starting all of this fertility treatment. Maybe your dh is just getting really stressed over not getting pregnant and he doesn't want extra stress on him to perform on demand. IF can be so hard on a relationship, I am sorry I am not of more help. *hugs*

[sarah16]

I agree with the other ladies. Don't tell him when you are ovulating unless he asks, (don't lie). My husband wasn't overly thrilled that it was on command but he knew it was what we had to do!

[jencat215]

My DH is so in tune with my body that he knows when I am ovulating! He will shyly ask.
But yes, IF is not fun and not romantic. It is hard to be when everything is timed. Some of the drugs we take don't really help us feel like being romantic. But I do like the idea of spicing things up. I tried- we went out for a romantic dinner, but I wound up eating too much and was too sleepy to be romantic after!!! Sigh. I do wish it was easier for us!

[nlyday]

When DH and I were ttc....I didn't tell him when I was ovulating and such, so he wouldn't feel like that was the only reason I was crawling into bed. But, I do know how you feel. We went thru this same thing back in the first part of 04'.It can be very stressful, and they can hurt your feelings w/o trying to really. They sometimes just dont understand what it means to us. Sorry I can't be of more help, hope all gets better!

[t2j]

You know what I would do....not say when you are ovulating....and just kind of attack him, out of the blue. I am sure he would like it....and you get two things done at once!!! Just a thought.

[mrsjanowski]

We have had discussion but no more than just discussions about how unromantic it was to have to plan it, I say there's bound to be some kind of misunderstanding somewhere... but I would just talk to him and tell him to understand that yes atleast 2-3 days need to be planned for this to happen but there are 3 other weeks that you can romantically "get it on" lol.

[Angel0226]

I agree with not letting him know so much about your ovulation schedule. We hit this point at one time, and it was really tough. First off, I didn't feel romanced... I just wanted to get it "done" and he felt like I just wanted his sperm... which I kinda did! But he didn't need to know that. We finally figured out, he didn't need to know when I was ovulating... put too much stress on him, and I needed to try and "sex" it up. Turns out the babymaking became really fun. Try and mix things up a bit and he really doesn't need to know the exact day that your body is saying "take me, take me"

[hope26]

Thanks ladies! I have really appreciated the support and advice. I think you are all right in that I should just keep it to myself when I am ovulating. He even said that. Don't tell me just do it. I don't know what I feel some obligation or something to tell him when it NEEDS to be done. I guess it must be my desperation or something. I am sure that that isn't as attractive as if i was trying something new or kinky! Thanks again. I will let you know how tonight goes!