[ponygirlatcua]

My DH and I are getting so stressed out with the whole scenario. I think the largest issue with both of us is having to BD "on command." We've tried using a time frame, such as "sometime in the next day or so" but it still feels phony. I hate feeling like we have to plan out our intimate life, and I know my husband feels the same. Any advice from women who've been there? We both work long hours, so that makes it hard too.

[gingerj]

Sorry, I wish I had some advice for you but wanted to say I know how you feel. It takes all the fun out of it sometimes. DH works long hours and it seemed whenever "the time was right" something happened and we missed it! I was getting soo stressed out about the timing thing that we ended up yelling at each other about missing "it" and I knew we needed to step back and regroup a bit! So thats when we decided to see a specialist. Anyway, hope it gets better for you! Hang in there and try to relax a bit and do something fun and nice together!! (I know its easier said than done!!)

[jenedens6102]

I know exactly what you mean. That is why I enjoy taking a break from time to time. After three failed IUIs and no personal, romantic time we had to get back to us. Everything in the medical assistance program is so timed and practiced that it takes away so much from that one on one stuff with your spouse. But it's a cost we are willing to take for the dreams of our hearts.

[Poppycorn95]

I'm gonna give TMI, but oh well! Here is something fun that I did for my husband. Believe me it took a lot of guts because I'm not a spontaneous individual...

I planned a Scavenger Hunt, with the main prize being me. *blush* I planned it to start as soon as he got home from work. I left a note on the front door for him to get a package out of my car. (By this time I was hiding in the bedroom)... He had to following the clues on the cards, and slowly made his way back to our bedroom carrying all the "supplies" needed.

The last was a blindfold that I instructed him to put on. Then I proceeded to show him he was loved. Turned out to be a VERY romantic night for both of us...

That was about two years ago and to this day he still mentions how much he wishes I'd plan another hunt.

So this didn't happen during our TTC, but I could definately see it being used to add a little spark back to the bedroom/bathroom/table/couch...er... you choose.

[futuremom2b]

I love the idea! Perhaps next V-day! Thanks for the great tip!
I think you responded to your own question.... GET CREATIVE!
I know it's easier said than done, but it's worth the try!

[sarah16]

Ditto! I'm all about creativity. We ladies have to help keep it interesting for ourselves so we don't just see ourselves as a baby-making machine.

[TGB]

The whole timed sex thing was a big bummer for me too. We would actually fight sometimes about having sex. I tell my girlfriends the act becomes more of a science project than anything else.

However, once we started going to an RE things got better. There wasn't as much pressure under those circumstance. Good luck and know that you're relationship is completely normal.

[jencat215]

Originally Posted by TGB

The whole timed sex thing was a big bummer for me too. We would actually fight sometimes about having sex. I tell my girlfriends the act becomes more of a science project than anything else.

I feel the same. DH and I aren't thrilled with BD. I am way too stressed to completely enjoy, and DH senses my stress and overreacts negatively. It would probably be nice to have a glass of wine to ease things a bit, but I feel to guilty...

So, you are not alone. I do like that romantic hunt idea posted earlier...

[sarah16]

What perfect timing for this post to come up again. Last night I went to visit my friend in the hospital about an hour away because her 4 year old daughter has cancer. I knew I would be home later but didn't get home until 11pm. (I went with other friends so I didn't really have a choice as to when we left) Usually my DH ( i'm using this term loosely today) is up then. We were supposed to BD (it's an every other day thing) but he was sleeping and I tried to wake him up and he snapped at me and was not going to get up. Obviously I was upset this morning and was just like fine you ruined the whole month and I was sooooo positive this was THE month. Anyway it makes me sick that we have to fight about this, especially when it makes money an issue too. (two things that are not fun things to fight about) So I'm cranky today!

Thanks for letting me vent, it's actually making me feel better.