[Momitchi]

My DH has been absolutely wonderful through most of this. He's only human, so of course he's had moments where he nitpicks everything I do and seems to try to start fights, but overall we've been incredibly together in TTC and all the problems IF can bring into a marriage.

Today, though, my poor man called me from work in tears. Even though he had me on the phone he had to IM me to answer my question of what was wrong.

The problem is that though we've figured out how to finance our attempts this year, he still felt as if there was nothing he could do to make this happen for us. Unfortunately, though we live in a mandated state, companies that fund their insurance don't have to follow the mandates. We have to fund our attempts on our own. Sometimes I wonder why he hasn't just decided that his dreams can be found with another woman, but he sticks by me through everything with a willing heart.

So my question is ... how do I help him shoulder the burden of that stress? We talk about our options, we've discussed what we're willing to do and how far we're willing to go, but this guy needs some kind of break! We've been TTC for three years and only now getting help from an RE so the stress he had before has doubled. It doesn't help that the problems are with me. He seems to feel guilty that it's not him!

Since I married the most wonderful man in the world, I'd like to find a way to help him relax a little.

[CryingInside]

I really don't know the answer to your questions. My only advice is to make sure that you spend some time everyday doing and talking about things that aren't IF related. We try to walk everyday and spend that time talking about IF and try not to talk about it any other time. We found a TV show (last comic standing) that made us laugh our socks off when it was on and having that release really helped. Some have suggested to me previously to keep dh out of the loop as much as possible. That doesn't work for me, but it might for you.

[Momitchi]

Thanks! We're doing walks every day and that's become our time away from anything to do with IF. His biggest fear is seeming uninvolved, I think, so he has a big need to be involved.

I think we're both looking at it now as a chance to make our relationship stronger.

[mdbrum16]

My DH is also extremely supportive. To take some of the stress out we also do things not related to IF. Sometimes I will even play Playstation so we can laugh about how terrible I am . We also have a date night at least once every two weeks and because we also have to save for IF we make it something cheap like ordering out and playing a board game. We also invite our cousins that don't have plans for children yet over for game nights.(So the conversation won't change over to kids) You and your DH are lucky to have each other.

[BabySteps]

The infertility treatment journey is very stressful for both partners. First of all you are lucky to have a loving and understanding husband. Some do not have that to begin with, so you are a head of the game! Keeping communication open sounds like an old cliche but it really is the most important thing for a relationship to survive the stress and uncertainties.

There were times when I felt really self absorbed and felt like it was all about me. I bit of self pitty, perhaps. I then realized that I was not alone, DH was going through this journey with me. He is a strong man, so at times I lost sight that he too was stressed and worried. We became a team and had faith we would be successful.

As far as the financial cost we decided to look at it as an investment. Not an investment with monetary rewards but as an investment to obtain a family we always dreamed of, something that would make our life complete and provide years of joy, happiness and love.

It sounds like your DH loves you very much and wants to help you right away. Remind him that it is a journey and you will be with him every step on the way and in the end, when you get your little baby, it will be all worth it. Good luck. Have faith.

[mymiracle6407]

I would have to agree with babysteps. Look at this as an investment. I understand how you feel about DH. Mine is the same way. He gets very irriated when I am not feeling well with my endo as he feels that he should be able to fix me and when he can't it bothers him. We are having a hard time TTC this time around after conception. I hope that your journey is short and you and DH can get some great help.

[Momitchi]

Thanks, such wonderful advice! I know, I'm very lucky. DH wants this just as much as I do, so I don't feel like it's just for me. Now that we have the finances settled, we've decided to make all of the time we have up until our first IUI all about anything BUT IF.

We can still talk about it when it's on our minds, but we want to focus on us. We take walks and go out and we figure that we'd better get all of this stuff in while we can! Pretty soon just going out will involve planning beforehand, not just grabbing the keys and going.