[sugarcupcake8]

Hello, my name is Rachelle and I'm new to this website. Me and my husband have been trying on and off for 4 yrs. We have come to terms (after finding out that it is my husband that is having problems between the two of us), that the best way we will be able to find a baby was to find a sperm donor. I was all excited and started monitoring my cycles and have gone to the fertility clinic for guidance and assistance. We have chosen a a candidated from the cryobank that we thought was best for us. But after that decision, I started having second thoughts about the donor. I am afraid that the baby will not have at least a small resemblance to my husband. Or that the baby might be ugly ( I know this is so mean but i just want to be honest. I know no mother will ever think that her child is ugly but I only think this because of the fact that i know that the baby is from both of us.). Since we have decided that we are not telling family and friends about this decision I'm afraid that questions will eventually bring up this topic.

I just need to know if these feeling are common or crazy. Is it normal to feel this way?

[rhart]

Unless you have already gotten the sperm, it isn't too late to switch. You can even switch to a different cryo bank if it makes you feel better. I would suggest picking a donor with similar features of DH if you are worried about people asking questions later. Remember that the baby will be half your genes too, so there's that chance that the baby will come out looking like a clone of you, and not at all like the donor. Good luck with your decision, and just relax.

[Elyse]

Hi Rachel. My name is Elyse & wow when I read your story, sounds like us.. We have been trying for 4 yrs as well, however, I was the problem. Age factor. We have a donor. I also had the same concerns that you did, with regard to the babies looks. We saw pictures of my donor & she has similiar charateristics to myself. My transfer happens on either Sat or Monday or this week. Excited & nervous at the same time. Your feelings are completely valid. Your not alone.

[Molina]

I'm new to this site and am searching wanting to forum with other women who cannot have a baby. I have several complex things going on, and my husband and I may adopt. I am in need of discussing all the emotions that come with being infertile. Any idea of where to go on this site? Thus far I've only seen a lot of baby stuff, pregnancy, invitro, etc.... posts.

Thanks.

[jenedens6102]

Molina, this site is full of so many different sub forums. Most people start in the General Infertility Support Forum. There are different age groups, different religious backgrounds, different types of infertility, etc. I hope you find the support you are looking for. We do have a sister adoption forum that you may want to check out as well for any adoption support you may need. Best wishes to you and welcome to the forum.

[kblythe]

I think it's normal, Rachelle. I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant with donor embryos. I'm single, so I don't have to worry about the child not looking like my husband. But I admit that there are times that I am concerned about what the child looks like. I got the donor embryos from my clinic here in Atlanta, which means the biological parents are around here somewhere. I'm worried that the child will look exactly like one of its biological parents, and that I'll see them someday. It also makes me sad that I was unable to have a biological child of my own.

But at the end of the day, I wanted to be a mom more than anything. So, despite some nerves, I went ahead with the FET. I know that, as soon as the child is born, I'll feel that this was the baby God wanted me to have, and I will love him/her unconditionally.

Good luck.

Kathryn.

[mrsrodgers]

Rachelle - I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. DH and I decided that if it was his problem then we would get donor sperm and not tell anybody. We didn't have this problem but we have friends that have adopted and people tell them all the time how much their child looks like them....they don't tell people about the adoption and I think it just goes to show that most people see what they want to see. You should just do whatever makes you happiest. Good Luck!!!!

[sugarcupcake8]

I know I am a lot closer to my decision than when I started.


We Have been looking for donor sperm!

[ScootiesGirl]

Originally Posted by sugarcupcake8

I know I am a lot closer to my decision than when I started.


We Have been looking for donor sperm!

Best of luck to you both! End of the day...holding your baby...priceless.

[jerrick.dale]

You are not wrong for feeling that way. It is normal to want a child to resemble you and your husband brag to his friends on how much the baby favors him or you. I do not know if you have ever heard the saying that it doesn't matter if the child has your blood, the more you love and feed them the more they start favoring you. I have many people that have adopted children and their kids look like their twins. I had 2 children before my husband and I got married. They were very young. He came in a took to them right away. Now everywhere we go and his family members that he hasn't seen in years do not know that they're not biologically his. I think that you all should do what makes you happy. It would be ignorance if people were to make comments about your child not favoring your husband. I wish the best for you both. I would go for it or adopt. But, nothing brings you closer than going through the pregnancy together.