[Tabitha]

On Friday I was having a conversation with my Mom on the telephone, we live far apart and we talk 2-3 times a week on the phone. My Mom and I are very close and she knows everything about my IF. I made a comment to her about ordering meds for our next IVF cycle and I told her that I thought it would take two more cycles to get pregnant since my RE is changing my stim protocol, but my husband thinks it will happen on the next cycle. My sweet little mom says to me, "I think you will be pregnant whenever the doctor decides you've paid enough money". So I told her that I thought that was really negative, and she said that is just how she feels about doctors these days. This really hurt my feelings, I feel like she thinks I am a fool to keep trying IVF. My husband thinks I am overreacting, but I still can't believe she said this to me. What I am most upset about is the fact that I will feel uncomfortable talking to her about my upcoming IVF cycle, and she is the person I talked to the most about it. I know this is not that big of a deal, but it has been bothering me all weekend and I guess I just wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks, Tabitha

[sarah16]

I know what you mean. My mom and I are very close too and she is always like just be happy with your DD, you don't need more kids. I'm always like but I want more kids!!

[mmikowski]

sorry to here that your mother upset you so much. I do not think that you are over reacting about the statements she made. When we were doing our 1st IVF cycle my mother said that she "hope this works so you do not have to do it again". We have 6 frozen embryos and hope to have more then one child. I flat out told her that we wanted more then one and asked her what she thought we should do with the 6 frozen ones. She back down after that.

Hope all goes well for you

[Tabitha]

Thanks for the replies. I know my Mom doesn't mean to upset me, and I cannot stand the idea of being at odds with her. I think she would rather we move on to adoption, because she knows how hard this has been. Sarah- I know what you mean, I still tell family/friends that I want a big family, and I get responses like 'let's just hope for one'.

[mrsrodgers]

I completely understand...my mom says stuff that I think is really insensitive and I know she means well but it hurts my feelings. I still talk to my mom about things but not everything anymore....I also have my grandma that thinks what we are doing isn't "natural" and if it happens great and if it doesn't we don't have kids....I just have stopped talking to her about it (my mom actually told her what we are doing not me) and I just give out info to people that I don't care if it gets out...

It sounds like maybe your mom is stressed about the whole IF thing and doesn't know how to deal with it. She sounds like she is from the old school....just talk to her but just maybe only tell her stuff you are comfortable with...GOOD LUCK!!!!

[Tabitha]

Thanks Sandi- Mom is definitely old school, I don't think she really understands the IVF process at all, and I have stopped trying to explain it. It took me a while to understand it!! I read your post about your MIL, and I thought, that is sooooo mean! I'm sorry you are having to go through that. You are a much bigger person than I am, I would probably have had a very bad and very loud reaction to that. As if this isn't hard enough, people can make it much worse with the slightest comment. I don't think we are being too sensitive, it's not too much to ask for a little support from our families. Hope you had nice day!!

[mrsrodgers]

Oh I have learned to just deal with the MIL when I have to...I have been very verbal with her since our IF journey began and I blame it on the drugs BUT she tends to avoid me more now...fine by me!

You know, the other thing I was going to mention is that I think the older people get the more blunt they are AND they don't understand most of these things. My mom, for example, doesn't understand why I don't want her to go to appts. with me. If my DH is able to go with me she doesn't get why she can't(she isn't really interfering she is just scared that something will happen to me I think).... I have told her that I bet her parents were not with her when her kids were conceived....I think it is hard for parents to see their children struggle with something and their way of dealing with it is sometimes more difficult for us to deal with...GOOD LUCK!!!! Just know that we are all here for you!!!!

[minnie13]

I think your mother means well. I think that it is probably killing her inside that her baby (you) is going through this, and on top of it, it is costing you so much. I think we need to remember even if our mothers don't express it, it is hard on them as well. Good luck to you!

[Tabitha]

Thanks Minnie, I know she means well, I guess I'm being a little oversensitive. It wouldn't be possible for me to stay upset with mom for too long. My RE is 2 1/2 hours away, so I called her every day on my way home, and I was worried that this might become awkward, but I think it was just a comment that I took too personally.