[alabamacutie]

Over my 5 years of TTC, I have learned that people tend to be very insensitive. If I could get paid for the number of times friends and family members have asked me when are you and your DH going to have a baby, I would be rich. I normally tell them that it is in God's timing or something like that?

When you are approached with this question how do you respond?

[jenntrout74]

Hello Alabamacutie! My DH and I have also been trying about that long. Sometimes I say that we have been trying or I am just honest. I try to keep in mind that most people don't know what they are asking. They are just shooting off and don't realize that is could be a sensitive issue for some.

My boss has now been forcing the adoption issue which to me seems to have stepped it up a notch on the insensitive issue.

Please try to stay strong! I know it is really hard and I now find myself being sensitive about stupid stuff to! Frustrating!

[jenedens6102]

I liked to say that we were enjoying the practice, after all practice makes perfect. I also said that it was in God's hands and in His timing we'd conceive. I try to be civil with people, even when the question gets far beyond annoying and share our story with them. It's not always as easy as one might think to conceive and thus there is no sure answer of "oh we'll conceive next month" but rather in due time.

[Stacey4iu]

I often say it's in God's timing if it is someone we don't know well. With people we know better, I typically tell them that we've been trying and slip in that it's been 3 years (hoping they don't say anything else). It doesn't always work at stopping the conversation, but it's always nice when they stop asking, isn't it.

I have also come to realize, as I'm sure you have, that so many people are insensitive and that often they just don't mean to be or don't know what else to say. It's frustrating when it's family or friends that you've talked to before.

I have a question to bounce off of that - do you find pregnant friends avoiding you? I find myself avoiding them sometimes, but then I notice they avoid me as well... It's a sad deal...

[lovingwife]

I recently had a friend (who got pregnant first month trying and never really wanted kids until she got married) tell me- the more you want kids, the more uptight you are and it takes longer to get pregnant. I blurted out that we have PHYSICAL issues that are keeping up from getting pregnant not MENTAL. Poor DH, we had decided not to tell them about his poor viscosity, but I couldn't help it! I guess she really didn't want her baby, since she was so relaxed it happened on their first try! Everyone assumes since we got pregnant once (miscarriage) that it will be no problem getting pregnant again. People really don't understand if they never suffered from IF.

Normally, I just tell people "we're working on it". Also, I do find myself avoiding pregnant friends and family. It's just easier for me. I know it's silly, but I find myself getting so upset if I have to talk about pregnancy with pregnant people.

[Yogagrrl]

I am having this problem in relation to family members and the holidays now. I am usually good with the pregnant women I teach ( I teach prenatal yoga) and I am just happy for them and excited about their stories and everything (genuinely) - and I have told the class my struggles and they shared their stories with me so we kind of support each other. HOWEVER, my sister in law is a very different story. I actually do not want to go see my family for the holidays because of her... The day after I miscarried, she called to tell me they were having their second baby and then got very angry with me that I didn't sound super excited to be an aunt again. They just had the baby and now every time I talk to her (which I have been avoiding) I get the "wait until you are a mom" or "you will see what it is like, if you two ever have children" or my favorite was when she told my mom that she doubts I really want children because it would probably ruin my perfect figure (trust me, far from perfect, but still - little bitter, maybe?).

Anyway, I want to see the rest of my family but I don't know if I can contain myself if she starts this again, and even better, I will be so full of hormones and crankiness at that moment, that I can give myself an excuse if I get nasty!

[msnoonoo]

For the first 3 years of marriage, my family would always ask me when I visited if and when dh and I were going to have a kid. My cousins were popping out babies left and right for that time period. At that time I always told them when we were ready we would. If only it were that simple.

Now after 5 years of marriage and ttc for 2 years, its hard to explain. I have told my family about my IF, but I just don't think they understand. Its hard to explain it to them because their is a language barrier (translating all this into a different language is harder than you think). So now, whenever they ask me if I am ever going to have kids, I just simply say "time will tell". That seems to quiet them down for a while.

[dherbert]

My Dh's family and friends ask this a lot, I hate when he gives this response because it's dusgusting! but it shuts them all up. He says "when I stop eating the babies up is when I will get her knocked up!" Or he sometimes says after he gets his $40,000 race car.
I just tell people when it happens it will happen.

[alabamacutie]

dherbert, very good response. I'm sure that will shut people up.

[babybean]

I usually look down at my stomach and say "not today!" or we're working on it...if they persist, I will say "it's not so easy for some people" That usually shuts them up.

There has only been ONE time that I got really mean about it. DH and I were in Atlantic City with a group of his bowling friends. About 8 of us went to dinner at a nice steakhouse. There was one kid there that I had never met before, he was about 21, 22 years old and cocky as a rooster.

He starts asking how many kids we have...none. "how long have you been married?" 4 years. "why don't you have any kids then" we're trying. "Seriously, what's wrong with you that you don't have kids yet?" Um, it's not that easy for some people.

"You just don't have kids because then you couldn't come to Atlantic City as often" I ignored him. DH laughed him off.

He went on and on for about 5 minutes - I was getting furious and the other people at the table were looking at him trying to change the subject, giving evil eyes. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore.

I looked at him and said "So, Brian, enough about me. Let's talk about you. How often do you masterbate?" Dead silence. "No, really. Do you do it every day? You're young, so you really should be doing it 3-5 times a day, I would imagine. Any more or less than that would be wrong. So, why no girlfriend? Is it because you're not really good in bed?"

I was very calm and matter-of-fact about it. The whole table was just looking at me with their mouths open. Mr. Brian didn't say a word, but got a little red.

When he didn't answer any of my questions, I smiled sweetly and said "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too personal? You were asking such personal questions about me, I thought it would be OK."

He never apologized, and dinner got back under way. I still refer to him as "oh, that a**hole"

[mrsbyrd03]

Oh that was PRICELESS! Very good comeback! Geez, I wish I could be that quick on my feet to come up with such a great response! *L*

[dherbert]

Originally Posted by babybean

I usually look down at my stomach and say "not today!" or we're working on it...if they persist, I will say "it's not so easy for some people" That usually shuts them up.

There has only been ONE time that I got really mean about it. DH and I were in Atlantic City with a group of his bowling friends. About 8 of us went to dinner at a nice steakhouse. There was one kid there that I had never met before, he was about 21, 22 years old and cocky as a rooster.

He starts asking how many kids we have...none. "how long have you been married?" 4 years. "why don't you have any kids then" we're trying. "Seriously, what's wrong with you that you don't have kids yet?" Um, it's not that easy for some people.

"You just don't have kids because then you couldn't come to Atlantic City as often" I ignored him. DH laughed him off.

He went on and on for about 5 minutes - I was getting furious and the other people at the table were looking at him trying to change the subject, giving evil eyes. Finally I just couldn't take it anymore.

I looked at him and said "So, Brian, enough about me. Let's talk about you. How often do you masterbate?" Dead silence. "No, really. Do you do it every day? You're young, so you really should be doing it 3-5 times a day, I would imagine. Any more or less than that would be wrong. So, why no girlfriend? Is it because you're not really good in bed?"

I was very calm and matter-of-fact about it. The whole table was just looking at me with their mouths open. Mr. Brian didn't say a word, but got a little red.

When he didn't answer any of my questions, I smiled sweetly and said "Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too personal? You were asking such personal questions about me, I thought it would be OK."

He never apologized, and dinner got back under way. I still refer to him as "oh, that a**hole"

That was the most hilerious thing I have read in a very long time! Good for you

[biggsista]

Wish I could have been there at that dinner table!!!!!

We have gotten so many irritating comments over the years...

They'll never have kids, they are selfish and like to go on vacation too much...

When our kids are old enough to babysit they'll have kids

I could go on and on...

[babybean]

I hate it because DH and I dated for 6 years before we got married. So, it was always "when are you getting married" We got engaged after dating for 5 years, but after we were dating for 3 years, it was just about every single day that I had to put up with that.

Finally, when we got married I was so happy it would stop. Now that we've been married for 5 years (well, 5 in August) it's the same thing all over again.

No, that's wrong - it's not the same thing. It's worse. I make it a point to NEVER ask someone when they are going to get married or if they have any kids. I figure if they want to tell me, they will.

My mom said something a few weeks ago that made me feel really good. I was telling her about all of my appointments and bloodwork, and explaining my drugs, and procedures....she listened to everything and when I was done she said

"My goodness! Your baby is going to be the luckiest baby in the world because it will be the most WANTED baby."