[MissV]

Acronyms link at the top? Sorry am I blind? I just don't see it.

Welcome to those even newer than me. I'd include a cute little emoticon but I haven't figured that out yet either. :-)

I love the gay man sperm donor story, Silverbrumby. It's a route I'd actually thought of going myself until I stumbled into the sitch I'm in (affair w/younger man turned into known sperm donor). I've always known I didn't want an anonymous donor, being known is important to me. But I've always assumed IUI or IVF (I don't even know the diff) would be too expensive for me.

Nothing to report from doc visit today. She answered some questions about vitamins, meds and foods and stuff. The only surprising new information that causes me some concern is she said since my O day has been consistently cd15 that we should have sex once (and only once) every other day from cd12 to cd20! This is much different scenario than what we've been doing - as much sex as possible for 48 hours after I get positive Opk (which as been cd15). Also he is to *only* ejaculate at those times. So now I have to discuss this with him. Awkward. I'm not sure what he is willing to do/agree to. Our relationship is not totally casual, but not at all committed either. He assures me he is very committed to helping me have a baby and has said he is in it for the long haul and will do what it takes. But I worry about asking him to behave in a certain way for 9 whole days! It just seems like I'm asking too much when he has no plans on being a custodial father. Anyway, nothing to do but talk to him. I'm 2 days away from knowing whether I'm preggers this time, so I think I'll just wait until I get through that part first. (And of course now all those cramping PMS symptoms I've been feeling are gone all of a sudden and I just have sore boobs. Who knows if that means anything.) I don't know if any of you are going the sex route so I don't know if you can even address this issue. But really, when you do it an a doctor's office (IUI, IVF) you only do it once on one day, right. So why spread out sex over 9 days like that? How true is this whole thing, really?

Someone asked if I've done the blood test yet. Yes I have and my FSH is "within normal range." And speaking of known sperm donors, Silverbrumby maybe you can answer this one. We want to write up a legal custody agreement as soon as possible. Is there a template or prefab one I can find somewhere? Or do I need to find a family lawyer to draw one up? I think we are both pretty clear about what we want and don't want - it just needs to be formalized. But maybe there are things we haven't thought of and we need some advice. I don't know.

Elove - Ha! I wouldn't call myself a "performance artist" - that makes me sound all artsy and avant garde, when really I just act like an idiot to make people laugh.

To all who have mentioned the comedy in this TTC situation - absolutely! But before that, when I started this affair with a man almost half my age the jokes (all at my own expense, of course) just wrote themselves. I wrote tons of material the first month. Then we started to get to know each other and the whole baby thing came up and it started to feel more normal and less weird. But now that we've started the baby-making I see new potential for material. I have never done stand-up - it is an area of comedy that is totally foreign to me and scares me, but I am determined to take it on soon. Anyway, I love the idea of doing stand-up hugely pregnant. There's all kinds of potential there! Only problem is once you have the kid all that material is no good anymore.

Sorry but what is a PM? I'm thinking private message? If I got one would I know? I'll spend some time reading the FAQ at some point I swear!

-MissV-

[MissV]

Never mind, I see the acronym link. Maybe cuz I wasn't logged in before.

[Squeezan]

Sorry, no time for a proper post but just wanted to say silverbrumby.

MissV, I've read on the iui threads that ladies (with partners) doing iui are advised to have sex every other day to improve their chances. I guess it doesn't hurt if you can. Tricky one to tackle in your situation tho'. Good luck

Will be back later to update on appointment
Su

[kblythe]

Good morning all.

Welcome, Ona! I'm glad you're so excited about embarking on your quest to become a single mom. When I first started ttc, I was using a known donor ... a good friend of mine. We drafted a contract, too. (We are both lawyers.) It was important to me that he not try to exercise parental rights and he didn't want to have to pay anything, so we wrote up the agreement accordingly. Is your donor willing to relinquish parental rights or does he want more involvement? If I were you, I would also require that he undergo medical screening, esp. for HIV. It's required of most people going through ART. I had to have screening for certain stds before I could use donor embryos.

Welcome back, Stacee! Yes, our group has grown. It's nice to be able to talk to women who are choosing to be single mothers.

As for feeling stressed at the idea of handling the day-to-day aspects of being a single mom? I think we'd be insane not to be at least concerned. It's taken me so long to get here that I've had a lot of time to think about it! But at the end of the day, I know it will be worth all of the hassles and sleepless nights.

Well, off to work now.

Kathryn.

[Deej]

Happy Wednesday!
I love the growing group! Lots to touch on in one short post, so I will have to follow up later.
Kathryn: I forgot that you are a lawyer! When I read about having a legal document drawn up it reminded me of when I was in the thinking stages and that it would be easy to find a KD (known donor) Anyhow, I had shown my mother (family law attorney) the form and she said what all the websites say, it probably would not stand up in court if anything ever arose...
Ona: if i can find the form (it also included questions for the donor regarding his family health history, etc... very similar to questions asked of anonymous donors.
Ladies: I will write more later.
Erica: thinking of you in your 2ww!

[lilac]

Good morning ladies!

Welcome back Stacee! We missed you but we've been busy while you were gone...

Ona, I think we all worry a bit about how we are going to cope with being single mums. It will be hard, but you know, we will be okay!

MissV - sperm can live for days, so I think they ask to you BD so often so you cover as much egg-time as possible. The ladies who do IUI and have partners are recommended to do it every 2 days, I think, just like you... For those of us without that option, we have to be very careful about timing our IUIs correctly!

Deej, glad to hear your surgery will not be at least somewhat affordable. I wasn't ready last week but I'm mentally there now... I want to have it sorted and move on!

I'm sure you are right and my cycle is just wonky - I am not concerned about it, but it is weird! Erica, I haven't needed a trigger as the opks actually predict my ov really well... I have actually ovulated really close to my IUIs every time but one. That being said, though, I expect to be on meds and more monitoring after my surgery and I'll be using a trigger then...

I am so glad we have more ladies here who are using a known donor. That was something I too was interested in, but I couldn't find one easily and so went with donor sperm, but my thoughts always come back to it...

And look at the time... I'd better get a move on if I expect to be at work at a reasonable time. Have great days, all!

[Squeezan]

Hi Ladies
Well I had my GP appointment this morning. Mostly just paperwork but as I'm already 10 weeks she booked me in for my first midwife appt tomorrow
In the uk all maternity care is covered by the NHS and is done by a midwife unless you develop any problems or are considered high risk.
I should get an appointment from the local hospital for a scan at around 12 - 13 weeks. This is a dating scan but can also be a nuchal screen for down's syndrome but I'm not sure that I'll have that.
Not much else to tell really- just lots of leaflets to read.

[Deej]

Su: glad to hear your appointment went well, and I cannot wait to hear how you like your midwife. For me, when I hear the term midwife, I picture at home births using a midwife, I think the term may be different in the UK? Are they specialists in labor and delivery? How exciting!

[Squeezan]

Yes midwives are highly trained in all aspect of pregnancy, birth and new babies. They can work either in the community and attend home births or in hospital. My GP surgery has an allocated midwife who holds a clinic there every Thursday and can be contacted by mobile at other times. I like this as it means I should see the same one every time - if you go to hospital ante natal clinics you don't get that consistency.

[lilac]

Su, glad to hear you appointment was just fine... now looking forward to hearing about your appt tomorrow with the midwife.

Midwives in Canada fills a similar role - similar training, and they'll do home or hospital births and so on. However, while anyone can choose to use one for their pregnancy, it's not the standard and many women do not see a midwife. If you want one, you have to find one! Interested to hear what it's like tomorrow. Good luck!

[kblythe]

My OB/gyn practice here has 3 midwives, if you choose to go that route. They deliver your baby at the hospital, and you can even get an epidural. If there is a problem, they call one of the doctors. I'm not sure if I'll go with a midwife. When I had my miscarriage, I had a bad experience with one of the midwives in the practice who was really brusque and did not have a good bedside manner at all.

Kathryn.

[peggysue]

Hi all you lovely ladies.

I'm Susan, I'm 33 years old and I single and hoping to start IUID this month. Ive had one ectopic 2005 and lost left tube and one miscarriage 2006 both of these pregnancies were with my ex-boyfriend. We split because he didn't want kids.

All I remember is that I've always wanted kids and I always thought I'd be married but I promised myself that by the age of 30 I'd have IUID. Well 30 came and went and then I started a new relationship. He was heartbroken when I fell pregnant with the ectopic and his sister wanted me to have a termination then I had the miscarriage, I sure he was praying really hard to god because his prayers were always answered.

I then decided I didn't need a man. I was first referred to St James's Hospital in Leeds and have been on the waiting for the last year and not getting anywhere so I asked my GP to refer me to Manchester. I had my first appointment just before Christmas and was told that I could start treatment as soon as I get my next period which was due on the 5th January and it decided to be late. It only turned up today (9th). I'm just waiting for the Nurse from the clinic to ring me back with a date for my first scan. I was advised by the Dr to have unmedicated cycles and only to have IUI when I'm ovulating from my right side (tube side).

I want this more than anything in the world not just to have a baby but to have a child. I've told 2 members of my family and they think I'm crazy, "there's plenty of time to meet someone and start a family" they say but to me there isn't. My dad died when I was young and my mum couldn't cope so I was brought up by my aunty who has 2 daughters and I don't have the heart to tell her because she'll say I'm stupid and talk me out of it.

I have my own house and work full time, not sure how I'll manage once I have my baby, all I know is that for me I'm doing the right thing and I'm so excited about starting treatment.

OMG thats a lot of typing. Hope you haven't fallen asleep.

I'm looking forward to spending a lot of time on here and getting to know you guys.

[Deej]

I am so glad you found this site and this thread! You will find support, encouragement and friendship, answers to questions, advice, and most of all, a group of like-minded women! I will write more this evening, but I wanted to say WELCOME!!

[silverbrumby]

Hello Ladies,

Thanks again for all the warm welcomes.

I'm happy to answer any questions about my experiences thus far. It was a really long road to finding my known donor. If any of you are looking I have a few good websites for gay families that I'd recommend. I'm straight but anyone can put up a post. That's how I found my guy...it took a few years though. Yes, YEARS...I posted about 3 years ago and of the responses I got only one seemed like a good fit, then he ended up backing out before we even got started because his family had objections.

But, yes I was super lucky to find my guy.

To answer both MissV and Katherine (I think I got that name right...still working on remembering everyone's names), I do have a contract and my donor has agreed to give up his parental rights. MissV if you'd like I can send you a few templates. I also recommend a lawyer. The law differs based on where you live but as far as I know there aren't any laws that specifically speak to known donors so it is a bit tricky. In California they do have a law that says if you receive donor sperm through a doctor the donor no longer can claim paternity, so a lot of people will either get a doctor friend to pick up the "donation" or they'll go into a doctor's office. But California is the exception. I think the key is finding someone you can trust, getting the contract so that you have a clear idea of everyone's expectations and have it in writing, and then if you ever do get married in future make sure the contract with the donor says that he is willing to sign any paperwork in future for your future partner to adopt the child.

Ok, that was a rather long explanation...

Deej, why do you have to have surgery? Sorry if you've gone over this in previous posts, I was just curious.

I am a paramedic now but I plan to eventually get licensed as a nurse-midwife, so if you lot ever have any questions about fertility, cycles, pregnancy, or stuff like that I might be able to help. I am not a doctor but I when any of my friends got pregnant they'd call me nonstop with questions and I'd answer it then they'd go see their doctor (cuz I always said "I think it is X but go see your doctor") and the doctor would say the same thing, so they all started calling me Dr Ona.

Anyway, really looking forward to reading more posts. If I didn't answer everyone's questions please feel free to PM me as I'm still getting in the groove on this thing and once I hit REPLY all the stuff I was going to say to each one of you flew right out of my head.

Good luck to those of you in the trying phase...congrats to those of you who have BFPs!!!!..and for those of you still looking for a donor, please write me. I have a few suggestions.

Cheers,

Ona (SB)

[kblythe]

Susan! You've found the right group! We all may be a little addled, but we know what we want and we are doing all we can to achieve it. One of my friends here decided to become a single mom, and she got pregnant with her first unmedicated iui, so it does happen. For me, as you can see from my signature, it was a much longer journey.

Kathryn.