[kblythe]

Good morning all. I'm still feeling somewhat euphoric from yesterday, which is really good! Usually, I start worrying again in about 12 hours. I even logged on to Ann Taylor Loft and bought a few maternity outfits! Talk about optimism!

Dee Dee, that stinks about your car. I hope it's an inexpensive fix.

Erica, good luck with your competition.

Kathryn.

[silverbrumby]

Hello ladies,

I came on here today for a quick read. I guess I am having a really hard time letting go of the dream, mainly because it came out of nowhere. One minute I'm peeing on a stick, next minute I'm out of the running.

For anyone using a KD, my advice would be to talk about the difficult stuff first and let them ruminate and don't get your hopes up until you've hit them with all the stressful stuff first and they're still sticking around.

Erica, thanks for your kind words. The real irony of this is that I am not comfortable with anon. donor option because I want a biodad that is in the picture. The reason my KD backed out was that he was scared that he'd become attached to the child and I would reject him or not want him in the picture. He sent me a very nice followup email and said he was feeling really terrible, etc. Really, he is a nice guy and I think the reality is that the kind of person I'd want for a KD is exactly the kind of person who'd probably end up backing out like this.

The only remaining option for me is that sperm bank in Calif, but the cost of that is prohibitive. With shipping the tubes, plus the cost of IUI and seeing a RE I just couldn't do it. Plus, with my cancer history, I cannot take ANY of the follicle stimulating drugs so I'd have an even lower chance. I would have to go into debt just for ONE try and realistically I'd have to expect it could take 6-12 tries. My insurance won't even cover fertility tests and exams so I know they won't cover spermies and IUIs.

Anyway, maybe KD will have a change of heart but at this point I'd feel doubly foolish if he did since I've been crying my eyes out and it took me a day and a half to muster the courage to even talk to my closest friend and tell her what happened. I'm supposed to have dinner with a friend tonight (the one with twins) and she is going to ask me all about the donor and I don't know how I am going to be able to tell her without breaking down into tears (which I DON'T want to do in front of the kids and her husband).

I think at this point I just need a miracle so cross your fingers that my soulmate is a clever independently wealthy pediatrician wandering the halls at the hospital where I work.

Cheers,

Ona

[Deej]

Ona: hello and thanks for stopping in! i wanted to say again how sorry i am that your KD backed out. i believe all of us single ladies got excited reading about the process... and were all sad when you said it did not go through. i hope you are feeling better, and not giving up hope one way or another that "the one" is out there. be it KD or boyfriend or husband. i just do not believe you are out of the running! things all happen they way they are supposed to happen, and that is not a bad thing! i believe in miracles and other great things happening to great people! i have to accept and believe the reason i did not get pregnant on my first 4 iuis is because somebody upstairs has something better for me. bigger and better and more than i can imagine! perhaps the egg/sperm combinations were off for me, and perhaps the combo would have been off with your kd, even if he is a wonderful person..
i admire the fact it is so important for you to have a bio dad in your kids life... it is something i would love as well, but i am not going to write off having a baby because i cannot find one. but like i said, i admire your stand! that being said, it IS your heart's desire, and i believe we all get our heart's desire, maybe not when we want to get it, but eventually.
GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!! Keep saving lives, doing the incredible job that you do (my aunt was taken in an airlife heli, i cannot imagine the stuff you see daily) and in time, all the good things you deserve will come! Keep your eyes open when wandering the halls of the hospital! HE IS OUT THERE!

Originally Posted by silverbrumby

my soulmate is a clever independently wealthy pediatrician wandering the halls at the hospital where I work.

[Teri01042008]

hey ladies ..i worked it out w/ quest to pay $191 per month til its paid off..thats a whole lot better than paying the $955. i have sucky insurance that covers NOTHING until i am actually pregnant so its all out of pocket for me, but i keep reminding myself that its a small price to pay.

i have my next blood test on 1-28 or 1-29.it depends what day turns out to be my day 3. thats only going to be a blood test. do any of you know what the purpose of that is? i have been taking b/c since i went the 1st time & i had blood work done then.

[kblythe]

Terri,

I think its just a baseline check of hormones ... estrogen, progesterone, and maybe fsh.

k

[Deej]

Kathryn: I am so glad to hear you are still feeling the good vibe since the doc appt! Maternity clothes, daycare, etc... You really ARE pregnant!
Teri: that is great they worked out a payment plan. i am guessing the next blood test on day 3 is to test hormones on such? ask beforehand if you are concerned.

I miss all the ladies! Where has everybody gone?
Erica, you doing ok sweetie? i am thinking of you
Lilac, what you up to? any word on lap
Su, how is pregnant life treating you?
Our new ladies, what is up with you all? Keep us posted!
For s__s and giggles I checked out two yahoo groups, one called impregnant and another freesperm... Wow! After reading, I am pretty sure I want to stick with the anonymous donor, unless I get a KD donor that I knew from before...
Good Night!

[silverbrumby]

Hi and thanks Deej...

I went searching on those sites as well as some others. Is it not triffling?

In my very polite reply to my drop out KD I told him that the reason why I cannot stomach another search is that finding him was an anomaly and suggested that if he wanted a small taste of what the experience was like he should try putting an advert out pretending to be a single girl looking for a known donor and see the sorts of people that respond.

Anyway ladies, please keep in touch. I keep praying for a miracle.

On an ironic note, my biggest worry with being a single mom was the whole working and finding a nanny (that I could afford) that could watch my baby because I do 12 hour shifts but in order to afford a nanny for that I'd need a second job.... well, today a guy I volunteer with called me up with a job that is Work from Home, would allow me to keep my other job, AND would give me enough money to afford a nanny yet be around the house!!!! Basically, I had been imagining my ideal work scenario if I had gotten pregnant and the more he tells me about the job the more I'm thinking "Ok, who's been reading my mind and pulling strings for me". This job would have removed all my concerns about maternity leave, money for childcare, and having enough time at home with baby, only now there just isn't any baby to plan for.

Ah well... still holding out hope for that batchelor doctor to walk into my life. :-/

Cheers!

Ona

[Deej]

Ona, I know you did not ask my opinion but I see it as everything is falling into place ONE thing at a time! I still see you getting pregnant with the perfect donor's child! Just be patient and share with us what other little pieces of the puzzle fall into place!
You have given me some hope, and I mean it, what goes around comes around!!

[ELOVE]

Good morning ladies! Or is it afternoon! Today is supposed to be my day off, but I have to go into work for a couple hours.

Ona--You may not think so but God has a plan for everyone. When one door closes another door opens. God is "whispering" to you. I truly believe you will conceive your own child. Just hang in there!

Well girls, have a great Saturday!!

Erica

[Teri01042008]

i am upset about a remark my brother & his wife made about my decision to become pregnant on my own. they asked why i don't do it the "right" way. i said the right way? what exactly is the right way? i told them that i don't need their support or their blessing so if they want to be pricky about it then fine. i am really hurt, i NEVER said one negative word about them having my nephew before they were married.

[angelmichelle73]

Teri,
Some people are not educated about the whole journey that comes with the decision that we have made. I also find that the ones that care the most for us ask the most questions, making sure we are sure. OHHH I GET SOOO UPSET, but I understand…
I would try to explain it in simple terms for them: I don’t ask people when they had sex , but it is
expected that when I have an IUI I have to tell everyone? :P Crazy huh! Then I am not stuck with a guy like yours.... OHHH ok That was mean! Thinking of a friend that I wish I could say that to..
Anyway, I understand why you are upset.
I thank God that I have this board to let me vent. Venting helps.
We all understand here

[Teri01042008]

oh angel michelle, i sooooo agree!!!! we DON'T question them on the last time they had sex, yet they want every detail of our iui's??! and i think you would agree that we end up putting in so much more time & thought into our iui's than they do into who they have sex with. my brother & his wife met at a bar & boom, she was pregnant. he said that he's grossed out by the "impersonal" factor of me using donor sperm, yet he knew a lot less about his wife when they conceived than i do about my donor.

[Becca10]

Teri, I agree w/Michelle. I've been thru it too; most ppl have been supportve of me but one of my closest friends (or so I thought) actually had the gall to say to me when I brought this up to her a few months ago, that I was only doing this "for attention" and because alot of my friends have children or are pregnant. I was like, WTF? I'm at the age where ppl DO have kids! And anyone who knows me knows I've always wanted to be a mother...you don't 'choose' this bec you think it's trendy. But I looked at her life, and she's chronically single and spends all her time at bars when she's not at work so consider the source. It hurt, tho, and I have never brought up me trying to get pg to her again...and I won't until I'm showing! It's hard to not tell ppl who are in your life on a reg basis, but you've got to make a strong effort to have support, and only support from positive ppl. I've had to do that and it has helped. There will be more ppl supporting you than not. And we're here, too! Keep your dream alive!

On another note, I tested BFN last nite bec AF arrived! I'm a little sad but I am going to keep forging ahead. Maybe next month. Thank u guys for your support this month!

[Deej]

Becca: I am so sorry that AF arrived! That stinks... I am glad to know you are jumping right back into the game...
I am out of town but wanted to check in!
Happy Sunday!

[lilac]

Good morning ladies!

Kathryn, I was forced (yes, forced) to look in on Ann Taylor Loft, and oh yes, I wouldn't have been able to resist either. You will need them soon!

Ona, I'm glad you poked your head back in... I am still hoping that you find another way to the end goal. Keep your eyes open - you don't know where it might come from. Wow, that new job sounds perfect... I admit I am keeping my eyes open for that sort of thing myself. I don't work shifts like you do, but daycare is still a significant concern for me.

Teri, I'm so glad you arranged to pay it off bit by bit. I am thanking my stars that I don't have to pay for that diagnostic stuff! My day 3 blood tests were for baseline hormones and fsh. Very routine. I can understand why you were upset about your brother's comment. Try not to let it bother you. You are doing the right thing for you. And hey, at least your child will be planned!

AngelMichelle, love the comment about not asking when they have sex! My family actually treats my iuis just like sex - they NEVER ask me about them (unless I bring them up first)... and on the rare occasions when I do get asked, it's all with the euphemisms.

DeeDee, after your message I checked out those freesperm etc yahoo groups. Ye gads. I AM glad I stuck with an anonymous donor. If I went with a known donor I think it'd have to be someone I knew already. Ona, I'm so impressed that you managed to go through all that.

Becca, I'm so sorry AF arrived for you! I was hoping for different message from you today... oh well, you know we'll be here cheering you on for the next try!

On me... well, no word on the surgery date yet. Believe me, you ladies will be the first to know! I have learned that when I'm not trying, I'm easily distracted by things that need to suddenly need doing around the house. First I was painting. Now I'm replacing doorknobs. Well, at least it's cheaper than iuis... the good thing about being on a break is that I can at least save up more cash for the next try.

Have a good day, all!