[silverbrumby]

Jen, we definitely think alike and I am struggling right now. Thankfully, I had a class today and had the day off because I wouldn't have been able to get any work done. I came home and was supposed to finish a project but instead I called every clinic in my area begging for financial help with donor egg cycle. Predictably, they all gave me the same answer. Because I have health coverage for IVF, I am ineligible for any of their assistance programs, which give a discount on services even though my insurance would only cover about $3000 worth of the treatment (that's all that will be left on my balance of the lifetime maximum) and it doesn't cover any of the costs of medicines or donor egg, which is between 10-23K depending on if I do a shared or 1-1 cycle. So basically, irony once again is screwing me.

Then I started looking into agencies, because they are the only ones that will do donor egg with open ID and I found one that had a hardship grant but only with certain donors. Well, the "grant" ended up being nothing more than a $2000 discount off of the outrageous administrative fee of $6000 that the agency normally charges, so really, no difference at all.

When it comes to the difference between 40K and 37K it's like saying to a double amputee, we'll let you climb Mt Cook instead of K2.

I even looked into a thing called the global egg donor that arranges for int'l egg donor cycles in a number of places, including Canada. But a cycle with them would still be 10-15K plus the cost of hotel and airfare... and that would also mean travel, and I'm tapped out on pet sitting favours from my friends.

so whatever I do would have to be local, and I've literally called every local clinic now.

I also found a site that has ads from individuals willing to be donors and wrote as many as I could find in my area, but the ads were really old and so far only one replied and her first question was "what will you pay me"...my stomach turned. Even if I could find a private donor that'd be a huge risk and I'd still have to pay for her cycle myself, which would be close to 15K. So I'm back to square one.

I am vacillating between anxiety attacks and breaking down in tears.

[silverbrumby]

Looks like it will be a sleepless night. I tried to call my best friend but she was utterly distracted with her kids and the life of a mother and that made me feel completely alone. I was sad until my head started trying to find paths for me to follow and kept coming up empty. Then my chest started hurting and I couldn't breath. I'm now in full on anxiety mode and trying to stave off a full blown panic attack. I was supposed to teach a class tomorrow then go visit some friends but my class got cancelled and now I'm thinking I may just be a hermit and cancel.