[kblythe]

DeeDee,

I know the finances can be crushing. I've spent $45,000 this year alone! Yikes! Of course, I'll be getting some back from the IRS, but not that much! The way I justify it is telling myself that it is the same as the cost of a nice, new car. (A REALLY nice new car!) But at the end of the day, I'd rather have a child than possessions. Of course, it does make me sad that this has killed my travel budget for the next decade!

Erica, the RE put two embies back, so twins is a possibility. But since my numbers started out kind of sluggish, I'd be surprised. My u/s is Wednesday the 2nd, and believe me, you girls are going to know something shortly after me! If only I had a blackberry!

Kathryn.

[Deej]

I appreciate the encouraging words! You are a true spirit lifter! Another thing in my life I can be grateful for! Earlier I was all gung ho about going straight for surgery, but now, I really feel my body might have it in it, w/out surgery. Af has visited me on days 12, 13, and 15 past the IUI's. You are so right, I should not be thinking my insides are messed up b/c of 3 failed and one possible failed iui! It is the fact I have always had such awful menstrual cramps, and that is a sign of endo... We shall see. I was feeling that if I did not go straight to surgery I would lose momentum. I will speak to the doctor and ask WHY he can't look harder with the ultra sound?? I find it hard to believe that with those million dollar sonogram machines, they cannot get a better idea of what is in there or not! i do not want surgery..
Thank you again for bringing a smile to my face... I am in better spirits and ready to accept that if this month is NOT it, oh well! And I am ready to handle whatever financially is thrown at me. Thank goodness I have no interest in fashion or shoes or expensive makeup!! Baby making, yes, I will SPLURGE!

[lilac]

Endo has been mentioned to me, too. I've always had pretty painful cramps with my periods (since age 10!) but not so much that I couldn't cope with a whole lot of Advil. My RE said there was absolutely no reason for concern. Or at least, that's what he said until I had 6 failed IUIs behind me...

He told me that I had a 60% of conceiving after 6 months if everything was okay (and 18-20% per attempt). And I told myself that I would need 6 tries (although I, of course, hoped that the first one would work!), so 3 or 4 failures doesn't sound that bad to me.

I'm really really really not keen on having surgery, but if there IS something wrong and he can fix it, well okay. If he does the surgery and finds nothing, then I'm going to be a bit ticked off.

Kathryn - I can't wait to hear about your u/s next week!

[Deej]

Lilac: You and me both, sister! I guess finding nothing wrong can be good and bad, but I REFUSE to worry about it until the moment arrives... Is your doctor now thinking endo? We may be doing laps at the same time. I do not wish surgery on anybody but to have someone to go thru it with would be nice!

After having a heart to heart with my mom (do you all have moms that HATE to see you sad) she felt I should go straight for the surgery, just to rule anything out, and have a better idea on how to proceed. She supports me in whatever I decide to do but feels so lost, she knows nothing about endo, laps, etc...!

Elove: how did the trigger go? If you have more muscles on the day of your iui, it was from reading too much into the shot! (haha)

Originally Posted by lilac

I'm really really really not keen on having surgery, but if there IS something wrong and he can fix it, well okay. If he does the surgery and finds nothing, then I'm going to be a bit ticked off.

[lilac]

Originally Posted by Deej

Lilac: You and me both, sister! I guess finding nothing wrong can be good and bad, but I REFUSE to worry about it until the moment arrives... Is your doctor now thinking endo? We may be doing laps at the same time. I do not wish surgery on anybody but to have someone to go thru it with would be nice!

After having a heart to heart with my mom (do you all have moms that HATE to see you sad) she felt I should go straight for the surgery, just to rule anything out, and have a better idea on how to proceed. She supports me in whatever I decide to do but feels so lost, she knows nothing about endo, laps, etc...!

Honestly, I don't think my dr has any clue what he thinks - endo is just one of the myriad of possibilities... He wants to do a lap and a hysteroscopy and another hsg (all at the same time). Talk about trying to cover all the bases.

I also had a heart to heart with my mum, when I was visiting over Christmas. She doesn't really want me to have the surgery (I think it scares her). She was really hoping that this cycle would be the one and I could avoid the surgery entirely. I mean, she is really supportive and all, but she has no clue what I should do.

If I do have to do it, though, it WOULD be nice to have someone go through it at the same time... let me know what you decide to do. That's if you don't get a BFP in the next day or so.

Well, Erica? Are you triggered? And how are those muscles?

[ELOVE]

Good morning ladies! Wow y'all don't sleep much huh ?

The self-shot went well. My mother, sister, and 5 yr old nephew live with me, so this is the first time they've witnessed me giving myself the shot (the other times, were at odd hours in the am). I asked if one of them would give it to me, and they just took too long analyzing the technique . I did remember to pull it out of the frig 20 minutes before hand. Now I know I'll soon be bloated, ugh...

Yesterday I was a little bummed. As you know I'm in the Air Force and we deploy regularly to the desert. We had 3 of our folks deploy six months ago and they returned yesterday. The bummed part is that I forgot about their return and didn't show up at the airport. This is a tradition with my unit and because of my position I was sort automatically expected to be there. I didn't remember until 6 hours later, and no one called to remind me. I can't help but think, the reason I forgot is that I've been obsessing over IF treatments. I haven't told anyone at work, so I know they are suspicious on all of these doctor's appointments. I had my acupuncture and scan on Friday morning, and now on Monday I have another acupuncture session and my IUI. I feel like I'm losing my mind.

So here's another question: How do y'all balance work with IF? Do you think your work suffers? I think most of us if not all are working mothers, so it must be difficult to concentrate on two things at the same time. My focus is shot and the sad part is that the month of January I'll be extremely busy at work. We are competing for two major awards within my career field and evaluators will be coming from across the country. That means, long days, and lots of extra cleaning. It's going to suck. Enough about me.

Deej--How's it going? I know you know today is 13dpIUI, so I hope AF is staying away.

Lilac/Deej--Mothers are great huh? I'm glad you both have the support of your mums to get you through this. I don't think my mom takes me seriously. Don't get me wrong, she'll do what ever I ask of her, but I haven't shared my hurt and disappointment with her or my sisters. I think it's because I'm the oldest, and I was always expected to be the tough one. They think the Air Force and tough skin are synonymous (sp).

Kim--How's it going? I think today is CD6 for you. Have you picked a donor yet? What cryobank are you using. I'm guessing congratulations are in order for your divorce (at least mine was a happy occasion )

Su/Kathryn--Can't wait to see the ultrasounds!! I'm so excited for you. You both inspire me to not give up.

[Deej]

Elove: glad to hear the shot went well! i forgot that you have given yourself the others. one brave woman! I am sorry to read that you forgot to show up at something that sounds important. That must have hurt. It is hard to keep all this a secret. Has anybody asked questions yet? I work for my mother, and now that another lady is working there, it is fair to say my motivation is zero. But after reading your post I am realizing that ttc is consuming too much of my thoughts, so THANK YOU for posting what you did!
Is there a way you can acknowledge the returning soldiers now, after the fact? I am sorry that your thoughts have been focused on ttc, and that you think it is going to interfere with your work. I almost wish I worked for anybody else so that I did not have so much time to think about it. If you are going to be busy, that is great to keep your mind busy, but will it be a challenge to make the doc appointments? Heck, you will probably be pregnant by then, so no need to worry! When you get pregnant, will you have to switch positions or do you work in a pregnancy friendly area?
Yes, it is day 13 and my second poas told me the same thing as yesterday, i aint pregnant..
Regarding mothers: I understant the sharing the hurt and disappointment part, it kills my mom to know how much it hurts, so I do suck it up and try and remain stoic. She told me after the second failed IUI that this baby making business was not for the weak! She was right! I need to remind myself that her seeing me hurt aint gonna get me pregnant, just make her hurt. You ladies are a HUGE part of me being able to stay strong. If I allow my mind to wander, it wanders the wrong way down a one way street!! I agree though, I already think you are extra tough because you are in the Air Force - but if you feel like crying and being sad, come do it with us!

Alley: I have not heard from you since thursday - thank you again for the pick me up.
Su/Kathryn-- I too cannot wait to hear about the u/s. You too ladies are leading the pack, and I am ever so grateful!

[kblythe]

Hey y'all.

Erica, I'm sorry you missed the return of your troops. My father was career army, and I know how important traditions are in the military. If I were you, I'd say something vague about "health issues" being the reason you couldn't be there. If they are men that came back, I'm sure they won't ask questions!

It hasn't been too hard at work for me. I've had a bunch of doctor's appointments, but I've been able to schedule some early and some over lunch, so it hasn't been too big of a deal. My concentration hasn't been great, though. I need to snap out of it.

I already told Deej, but I started spotting this a.m., and am really, really worried. I'll keep you posted.

Kathryn.

[Deej]

LILAC: since we are in similar boats, whatever my doc tells me I will pass on to you. I have no clue what a hysteroscopy is, as my doc has not recommended it, but I will ask. I already passed the HSG with flying colors so I do not think he will want to do another.
I can understand your moms concern about surgery.
ANY surgery is frightening! Mine too was hoping this cycle would be the one. I think my mom's wanting me to have the surgery now as opposed to later is b/c she knows that getting pregnant using ART is not an exact science, and I have had 4 tries already. And she remembers vividly how severe my cramps have been for my entire life....
If we have to go through it we will go through it together! Did AF ever arrive? I wonder if the same thing will happen to me, since I was on clomid?

[ELOVE]

Thanks ladies!! I know really deep down, that I can count on you all from comfort and understanding. Yeah Kathyrn, even my sister said to tell them I was under the weather and not that I forgot . What's done is done and at least I was there to send them off in the first place.

Kathryn--Oh no!!! Please say it isn't so. You'll probably want to take the day off tomorrow (Tues is a holiday), and have at least 2 days of complete bed rest. There is a post from allikat?? who started bleeding (pouring blood) but everything was fine. I'm praying, praying that everything is okay. Please stay off your feet!!

Deej--Oh hun, I'm so sorry it's negative again. Just stay focused on the stats... If I get pregnant, I probably won't move jobs, but I have no problem with telling EVERYBODY, "I've served 18 years, and deployed with the best of them, so let me enjoy the next 9 -months in peace."

Oh ladies, my heart is aching for you. I'm sending you lots of .

[Teri01042008]

hi everyone! sorry i haven't been on in awhile, lots to deal with over the holidays...
deej, i hope you get your bfp in the next few days! i really believe you will!
my 1st appointment is fri & i am getting really nervous. i have been testing for ovulation every day since AF ended & no ovulation. i'm thinking that i don't ovulate. i get a period but no ovulation.

[lilac]

Erica - well, it's 11AM or so here and I slept till 10. That was 10 hours sleep - I actually think I slept too long! Congratulations on the shot - I have never done that. I like to think I could, but you never know till you try. Good luck!

I'm sorry you missed the return of the others. I've sometimes had similar things happen - when you realize after the fact and your heart just drops... the others are right, though, don't say you forgot - after all, the reason you forgot IS health issues.

Balancing work and IF is really difficult. I have only been in my job for 6 months or so, and it's more challenging than my previous position, so I'm really trying to do a good job. But there are a lot of drs appointments, and my job is a good 1/2 drive from my RE's office (I'm often gone for 2 hours for an IUI). Most people don't really notice I'm gone, but I know my assistant is beginning to wonder about all my absences. It's hard to do my job well with being away so much - I end up working longer hours to compensate. But really, honestly, I am so focussed on my own issues, particularly during the 2ww, that I don't care as much about my job as I should. Although, to be truthful, I am not enjoying working there as much as I'd hoped, so that plays a part in my lack of motivation. I'm trying to do a good job as much so I can move to a different company as for anything else.

On the subject of mums - my mother has been really great, but yeah, it really hurts her when I have a disappointment. For most of them, I haven't told her. She really understands how much I want a child - she wanted me just as much as I want one of my own. On the other hand, though, I was conceived during a 2 week period when she went without contraception and my brother was totally an oops baby, so she doesn't understand the difficulty I am going through in conceiving. I haven't told many people that I am trying - just my mother, father, and brother. I told my closest friend that I was thinking about it, but not that I'm trying. And my father and brother are, well, total guys, and they don't want to hear about it, so sometimes I HAVE to talk to my mum, you know? I don't want to hurt her, but she understands my hope and disappointment and so on.

Thank god for you ladies! You are a huge part of my ability to stay strong and keep going.

Deej - sorry for the BFN. I was really hoping for you. Has AF started yet? Any chance left? I will keep my fingers crossed for you until AF comes.

A hysteroscopy is where they take a look inside your uterus, so a lap and hysteroscopy would give you a look at the inside and the outside. He wants to do a hysteroscopy because even though he says I have a normal uterine cavity (from the u/s), he always has enormous trouble getting the catheter in for the IUI (the opening is seriously crooked or something) and he wants to see it. Not sure why he wants another hsg (mine was fine), but he wants to do it while I'm under because the first one was very painful for me (from the crooked opening, not the dye itself).

Kathryn - spotting is supposed to be very common in early pregnancy, but I can totally understand your worry. I hope it stops soon. We are thinking of you! Relax and stay calm as much as you can.

On my side, no AF yet... however, I had a bit of spotting this morning, so I think it will be soon.

[KuddleyGal]

Well I initally started on this forum my LH and I were gung ho about having our baby. But then the stress of it all changed, and now I find myself single. And after a lot of soul searching, I have decided to go it alone.
I have a daughter, I had her at 15, and was a single mom for 2 years before meeting my LH. So I know I can do it by myself.

I was very excited to see this thread started, I am still in denial of my seperation, but my biological clock is ticking uncontrollably, so I have to do this.

I have decided to wait until March, before I go back to my RE to tell him the news, and to find out what my options are with ds.

I hope I can join you ladies on your journey to motherhood.

Dee, I see your ds is at fairfax cryobank, does that mean you live in VA?

[Deej]

Teri: glad you found us! Good luck w/ the doc, if you have questions, ask away!
All Ladies: the end of a year, two pregnant and a handful hoping to be pregnant soon!
Regarding Taxes: I just learned about filing your taxes a certain way so that you can get a refund for part of your medical expenses... speaking w/ a cpa tomorrow and will keep you all posted (thanks Kathryn!!!)
Lilac: for 2 of the 4 iui's the doc has mentioned my cervical opening being far to the left, and that it may be something to look into... maybe we have the same darn thing!

Originally Posted by lilac

he always has enormous trouble getting the catheter in for the IUI (the opening is seriously crooked or something) and he wants to see it.

[Deej]

We must have posted at the same time otherwise I would have acknowledged you! We are more than happy to have new ladies, single or not on this thread! I am sorry to hear that a relationship may be coming to an end. Not fun. I think a few of us are divorced, some never married. You will find what we all have in common is the desire to be mothers. I am sure the decision was not easy for you, but like you said, you have done it before!
So, once again, welcome!
regarding fairfax, that is the name of the sperm bank i use, fairfax cryobank... you are one of many who have asked if my hubbie or myself lives in fairfax...