[kblythe]

Good morning.

Angel Michelle, hope the iui went well. Keep us posted.

Becca, I'm so very happy that the growth was not malignant. And I'm also happy that a very real, physical problem that may have hindered or prevented conception has been removed. I know the car thing stinks, but it does seem, on the balance, as though this should be considered a pretty **** good week.

As for the financial and moral issues of becoming a SMBC. Although this may sound judgmental, I think that anyone considering parenthood, single or otherwise, should be as prepared as possible, both emotionally and financially. I am not saying that you have to be rich, but I do think that it is imperative that you be able to support both yourself and your child and to provide the basic necessities, including insurance. And because we are doing this on our own, I think we need to figure out how we can have a child and continue whatever gainful employment in order to provide those necessities. It sounds like we've all thought about this to a certain degree and made plans accordingly ... Ona with her decision to work from home and Deej and her decision to scale back in order to be more accessible as a mom. I know I'm fortunate in that I make a decent living, working a job that has regular hours and has good benefits. I think if things had been otherwise, I might not have pursued being a SMBC. It still would have crushed me, on some level, to never have a child. But at the same time, it would have been selfish of me to have a child that I couldn't care for.

Just my two cents.

Kathryn.

[Mindi_IUI]

Hi Ladies, I do agree that it is nice to bring forth topics of the journey of becoming an SMC other then the fertility issue.

The bottom line here is that we all want to be mothers, and we all have our views on how we are going to discuss to our child, peers, friends, family and strangers we meet how our child was conceived. Unfortunately, there isn't a book to teach us how to go about handling that specific topic. So, we will do what we feel is right for us, and that is different for each one of us.

DeeDee and Ona, I want to clarify what I wrote in my post regarding the photo issue. I never told you Ona to not put up the photo, but I did suggest that it wouldn't be in the best interest for your child to view this man daily as it may leave your child with the impression that this man is somewhat of a father that he/she will one day get to meet. Yes, he is an OD, but what happens if he passed away or decided not to meet your child afterall? I would just worry that your child would be heart broken if after all those years of seeing his photo that he/she never did get to meet the donor. However, I do agree that leaving the photo in a folder that is easily accessible when the child asks questions about the donor would be best.

In regards to your friends with the adopted child from Taiwan, that is a completely different situation then adopting an infant from the states. My brother and SIL did the same thing your friends did. They videotaped their whole experience of adopting their twins from a Ukrainian orphange. The twins are now 5 and have watched the videos over and over. They get to celebrate thier adoption day by going to Disneyland. Ava says that she came from her the belly of her mommy from the Ukraine, but that she couldn't take care of me and Austin so she put us in an orphange. I think for your friends daughter and my neiced and nephew this is a wonderful way to keep them connected with their heritage.

From the people who I have met that are apoted and through a donor, the adpoted are more curious of their bio parents because of the fact that they have no idea who they look like. The donor chilren already have a mom who they look like so it isn't as much of a big deal to know about their bio father.

DeeDee, I totally agree with that anyone who wants to become a mother shouldn't be judged on their financial stabitliy. I for one live paycheck to paycheck and put the standard 5% into a 401K and that is it. I make enough money for me and my child to life a lovely life, have great health insurance for the both of us and a wonderful home that we will share with my mother. That is all I can ask for. I will happily forgo new shoes, clothes, so as not to deny my child any of the extracurricular activities as his peers who come from a two parent home.....My family gave me much grief about the financial commitment there is to having a child and questioned my ability to afford being a SMC. I had to tell them to chill out and not care about that as I obviously have put a lot of thought an preparation into this and that I am financially just fine. I also used the same analogy that you did about all of the child born to single mothers with more then one child who are on welfare and don't have a job and their do it so don' t worry about me.....My only concern to Ona on this subject was this post, "Right now I have virtually NO money in my savings, no health insurance, no safety net. All it would take is this job going bust, or my landlord deciding he is selling the place from under me and wants me out, or one of my horses getting seriously ill and I'd be up a creek without a paddle. I've just been really anxious lately because I feel like my dream is right there just out of reach and I am like Tantalus with the grapes" . So, to me it looked like things weren't in her favor for ttc right now. So, I merely suggested that she work on getting herself more stabilit y in her own life before she had a baby....I so badly want her to have great health insurance over money with ttc as that is the most expensive part. Personally, with out it I wouldn't be able to do this. That is why I waited an extra year to confirm that my job and health insurance were stable, but that's just me and my own experience.

Anywho, I believe I have exhausted this topic and have said my peace.


However, I will say that I have no problem telling Becca that her "friend" who crashed her car and refused to pay for the damages in my own opinion is a horrible person. That again is just the way I see it. I can suggest that she no longer associate with this person, but I will no think less of her if she continues to call her a friend.

I will reiterate that anything I mention on this forum are only suggestions that I offer and don't expect anyone of you to follow, but to only take into consideration.


Phew! I hope this post didn't get you crosseyed. I will end it here.


Have a wonderful day and focus on ttc.


Mindi

[Becca10]

Kblythe, thanks. AngelMichelle, didn't realize your IUI was today? Gosh, I hope it WORKS! I'll be thinking of you.

I feel like, bec i am a social worker, I will never have enough money. And jobs where I live are kinda scarce right now, I want to find a p/t job....eek! I'm not giving up looking.

[lilac]

Angel Michelle, any news? How did it go?

How about you Julia? Any news?

Becca, good luck on finding a supplemental job... I'll be thinking of you! Do you have something in particular in mind?

Kathryn, how are you doing? I know you just had the ultrasound that you had to pay for yourself, but aren't you scheduled for another regular one soon too?

[kblythe]

Yep. I have an u/s next Tuesday. It's the biggie, too. The anatomy scan.

Okay, one more thing about the financial aspect of single-parenthood. I think we clearly are a group of conscientious, thoughtful women who have tried to prepare ourselves, emotionally and financially, for motherhood. I also think that unless there are any trust fund folks on here, that we all depend on our paycheck and that the loss of a job would be problematic in the extreme. But we all DO HAVE JOBS, which is what I feel is important. In other words, I hope nothing I have written can be construed as suggesting that any of us should delay or re-think our plans just because we aren't rolling in the dough.

But I guess I would have a problem with someone who chose to have a child but had no job at all. It's one thing to have to scrimp and save in order to raise a child and another altogether to expect others to bankroll your chosen lifestyle. It's certainly not a value system that I would want to pass along to a child.

Phew.

Kathryn.

[ELOVE]

Hello ladies!!! I promise to spend all day on Saturday catching up with all of the posts. I have to make this one short because I have a military graduation to attend but here's the skinny:

I am going to Vegas on Saturday 5 April until 8 April!! I was just looking at photo I took a month ago and I'm seeing a girl with a big face!! I can see the 10 pounds I've gained since last year. I hope he's not disappointed!

Also, I'm trying to get into this IVF clinical trial. Hopefully I'll hear something back soon. I figured I'd give it a shot. I'm pretty healthy and after reading the posts on the IVF site, the cost should be less than $3K which is more than I've already spent. If I don't get accepted I have my back up plans.

Anyways! I miss all of you and I will catch up!!

Lots of Love,
Erica

[silverbrumby]

Hello Ladies,

Susan, I am still hoping you get your BFP. Hang in there! Please forgive my ignorance, but what is a pencil test?

Erica, YAY! I'm glad you are able to go to Vegas. Don't worry I'm sure you look great and he'll be thrilled to see you. What's this clinical trial you applied for? I'd be interested in learning more about it.

Julia, any word on your TWW? Isn't today the day of destiny? ;-)

Angel, good luck on the start of your TWW journey. Please tell us how things went.

Kathryn, totally with you on everything you said! Good luck with the U/S next Tuesday. Do they give you copies so you can share with us nosey ladies who want to see the tadpole?

Ok, so I am officially baby mad. I went to Target yesterday and decided to browse the maternity section and they had this cute little casual wear hoodie in pink. It was soooo soft and comfy that I decided to buy it. So, I actually own a maternity hoodie! It doesnt really look like maternity clothes so I am wearing it now...as I type in fact. It's rather cozy.

Mindi, no worries. I think you misunderstood my reasons for stress... basically, I am a stress monkey. The insurance thing is just temporary until my boss pulls his head out his butt. My job is amazing, but it's a small company and therefor even if I work here 5 years, it's no guarantee cuz small companies sink faster than big ones. I'm not worried about getting fired or anything like that because I do my job well and so far they are very pleased. Layoff is another matter, but I have a 3 month severance package so that isn't a major issue either. The company going BOOM is my only fear. And like Kathryn said, the loss of a job would pretty much be devastating for any of us here. I just am used to having a net and not having one makes me anxious. I don't want to wait until I build up another nest egg because that would take YEARS!!! I am also anxious because I really do have it pretty good right now. It's not that my life isn't in a place where I could take on the responsibilities of parenting. It's that it IS, and frankly, my luck has never been all that good so when good things come to me I get nervous. It's that "he giveth and he shall taketh away" syndrome. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Believe me... I was raised poor and in an unstable home. I would not bring a child into my life if I didn't think I could take care of them on my own. My mother was totally self centered and didn't give a crap about her kids, whether they went to school, had any clothes let alone fashionable ones, and the only reason I didn't suffer serious malnutrition was because of the subsidized school lunch program.

Ok, enough rambling.... I totally agree with you Mindi and ladies, when I give my perspective on something, please don't take this as anything more than me sharing what I would do. I'm not saying what I would do is better or worse than any other option out there.

Cheers,

Ona

[Becca10]

Erica, have fun in Vegas! Always wanted to go there. Growing up in NJ, I've been used to going to Atlantic City my whole life and my bff lives at the shore so when i go up to see her we always try to go one nite to the Borgata for some fun. Vegas would be fab.

Lilac, since I'm a social worker there is usually no shortage of jobs, but where i live in VA the pay sucks, and I'm about to sit for my LCSW (license to go into private practice as a social worker). U have to have 100hrs and u have to do it in 2.5 yrs minimum...it takes forever. But around here, all the jobs I've seen posted are for $10 an hr or less. I know in a way beggars cant be choosers, but the positions offered are like the ones i had while I was a freshman in college, and I just dont feel its worth my time to do smthg like that when I can be a supervisor. So I am continuing to look. I dont want to take smthg I am seriously underqualified for bec I am a high anxiety person as it is, and I would like to feel satisfied with whatever I get. But who knows. I sure hope I can find smthg by summer. My dr said I can start trying again IUI in June. It's exciting but the only thing that is hard for me is the 2ww, like most women. Still.....so worth it, the dream of seeing 2 lines.....it'll take all that anxiety away!

[Deej]

Originally Posted by ELOVE

I am going to Vegas on Saturday 5 April until 8 April!! I was just looking at photo I took a month ago and I'm seeing a girl with a big face!! I can see the 10 pounds I've gained since last year. I hope he's not disappointed! Also, I'm trying to get into this IVF clinical trial.

YEAH!! I am so excited you get to go on your trip! My guess is that you look absolutely beautiful, and the 10 pounds will not be an issue... And if it is, oh well! His loss! Congrats also on the clinical trial for IVF. That would be so awesome! I have looked at one but I exceed the age limit.
All ladies: I hope that my stand of any woman ttc and the manner they choose to tell their child did not offend... It is not that I totally agree with jobless/less fortunate/uninsured women ttc, but I personally do not feel it is my place to judge. It is very enlightening to read the routes we are taking (they all lead to the same place!) and our attitudes and beliefs about the journey!

[lilac]

Erica, yay! Have fun in Vegas! I haven't been in 10 years and then I went with someone who wasn't quite 21 so it was different from the typical Vegas experience, but I had fun all the same and I know you will too! The 10 lbs won't matter and if they do, you don't want him anyway! Sides, you never know, he might have a few of his own... Good luck with the IVF clinical trial too!

[peggysue]

Happy Friday ladies. Can't wait to finish work at 4pm. I've been winding down since I got in. The best thing about Friday is that when you go to bed you don't have to set the alarm for the next day.

Well I'm one day closer to af arriving, though I have to say that I'm dying to buy a HPT but I just don't want to see that one blue line.

silverbrumby: Pencil test is used to check if you have saggy boobs or not. You place the pencil under your boob and if it falls to the floor you have passed the test, it means your boobs aren't saggy. If you boobs hold the pencil it means they are saggy. When I'm in the 2ww I pass this test because my boobs swell, other than the 2ww I never pass it and my boobs aren't that big, only a small 36B. Stupid I know but its somthing we did when we were younger.

Julie whhhheeeeeerrrrreeeeee aaaarrrreeee yooouuu.

Well thats me signing off for the week end. Won't be able to log on again till Tuesday, having a long weekend, not working Monday. By Tuesday my af will be here but please keep your fingers crossed just in case.

Have a good weekend everyone

Susan
xx

[lilac]

Susan, for you! Have a good weekend and I hope AF doesn't show for you!

[kblythe]

Susan, for you! As for the pencil test, right now I could probably hold the phone book under my boob!

Erica, Have fun in Vegas, and don't worry about a few extra pounds! Everything I've read leads me to believe that most men like women who aren't bony, but are bothered by women who have body image issues. So celebrate your body and have a great time. Oh, and I also have for you and the ivf study.

Ona, I'm sure I'll get pics at the u/s on Tuesday. But I'm technologically challenged and have no idea how to upload images.

Yay! I'm a 20 weeks today! Halfway there!

kathryn.

[Deej]

Sue: i am sure we will all be awaiting your next post... for a bfp! it would be so awesome to start spring off with some
The pencil test cracked me up. I hope when I am pregnant that I could pass that test, but as of now, not a snowballs chance in he**
Kathryn: a phone book? might be too personal but around what week do they really start to grow? and i cannot believe you are 1/2 way there. unbelievable! what does your belly look like? does it still feel firm down low on your belly? does the weight gain begin to be evenly distributed, not just the belly? it may help if i READ one of the two pregancy books i own.
becca: i love the thought of seeing two lines. so june is your month to start again? yeah!
I emailed my fertility coach today telling her i was ready to start again. while on break i was not focusing on babies, but silverbrumbys description of her new maternity top, and kathryns 1/2 way mark have gotten me baby minded again! thinking "murphys law" i bought two vials before my last iui. needless to say, i need the second one! maybe i will name the child murphy!
Happy Friday to all. ahh on an entirely unrelated note, has anybody ever participated in a "meetup.com" event?

[lilac]

Kathryn, congratulations! You're halfway! Wow, it seems like it sure has gone quickly.

Okay, so I confess... I just went to the washroom with a pencil (I'm at work) to try things out. So, I'm most definitely not pregnant and I'm still a couple of days from ovulation, and I can pass the pencil test. Gads, I can only imagine what I'll be able to hold under there when I'm actually pregnant! I'm fairly slender, though not super skinny. Apparently I still have a bust though...

So, Kathryn, just how big is the phone book in Atlanta?

Deej, no I've never participated in a meetup.com event... what's a meetup.com event?