[carisa1978]

My surrogate is now 16 weeks pregnant with twins. If anyone has any questions on the process, I would be glad to answer.

[hopeless?]

No questions just wanted to say what great news that is...Twins are so much fun!

[carisa1978]

Thank you! We are more than excited! I love the names of your twins!! So cute!!

[PUJAXS]

I have some questions...

Where do you find someone?
Is it your eggs or hers?
How much does it cost?
Do they go through IVF procedures?

Thanks.

[carisa1978]

PUJASX-
You can go to a surrogacy agency. There is a great one in Los Angeles California, which is where I go. It is called Reproductive Solutions. You do not have to live close by either, they have clients from all over the world. They can match you up with a surrogate, or gestational carrier.

We used our own eggs and sperm, but you can also use donor eggs or donor sperm if you need to.

Cost-it all depends on where you go. Although, I must admit, it is almost always pricey. You have to pay for the IVF process, to get your eggs, you pay the surrogate anywhere between 20,000-35,000. You have to pay for lawyers, etc. After all is said and done, you are looking at spending between 50,000-100,000. You can save a lot of money by using someone you know, although that is not always a good idea. It can get kind of tricky.

The surrogate does not go through IVF procedures because usually you are not using her eggs. You are using your own, so you would do IVF, or you are using a donor egg. So the only thing the gestational carrier has to do that is related to IVF, is to have the embryo transfer into her body. She may have to give herself progesterone shots for the first several weeks of pregnancy to help support the pregnancy.

I hope that helps. Good luck and I will be around, so feel free to ask anything.

Carisa

[Lotus]

I had to have an emergency hysterectomy after the birth of my daughter in June and although we're not even close to thinking about having another baby, the idea of using a surrogate has been on my mind lately. We have 6 frozen embryos.

I have a couple (okay, several) questions about your experience-

1. Whose insurance covers the doctor's appointments and birth, etc.?

2. Do co-pays, maternity clothes and other expenses come out of the fee you pay to her? Or have you paid those in addition to her fee?

3. Who set the fee you paid to the surrogate? Did the fee increase when it turned out she was carrying twins?

4. How were you matched to your surrogate? Did you have any say on who you wanted it to be? If so, how did you decide? Did she have any say in being matched to you?

5. What was the screening process like for her to even volunteer to become a surrogate? Did you have to go through a screening process (i.e., a psych evaluation) in order to use a surrogate? What was that like?

6. Whose name will appear as the mother on the birth certificate? I seem to recall reading somewhere that in most states, the person whose body the baby comes out of is who is listed as the mother on the birth certificate. If this is the case, can that info be changed at some point to reflect your name?

7. In Texas, the parents have to adopt the baby from the surrogate, even if they used their own egg and sperm. Is it that way where you live too?

8. How much contact do you have with your surrogate? Does she live close to you? Do you plan to keep her updated with your babies' progress after they're born? Is she someone you could be friends with, or is this strictly a business relationship? (That sounds a little harsher than I mean it to.)

9. Lastly (I know, finally!) how did you wrap your brain around not carrying your babies? This is the hardest part of it for me. Do you constantly wonder if the surrogate is being safe (wearing her seatbelt, not speeding, eating right, not smoking, etc.)?

BTW, congrats on your twins. How exciting!

[Linz712]

I was wondering many of the same questions as posted above! Wanted to bump in case anyone had answers. We have 24 frozen embryos left. Are going to try one more cycle with me this year
(transferring 4) , then maybe one or two more FET next year with me. But if those don't work- we are considering a surrogate. Thanks for any help!

[carisa1978]

Lotus,
So sorry I missed this question. I had no idea it was sitting here until you sent me the personal message! I will try and answer your questions the best that I can.

1-Your surrogate's insurance will cover her doctor's appointments and the birth. You will have up to 30 days to get your baby her own insurance. Once your baby gets a social security number, you are free to sign her up, until then, your baby will be using your surrogates insurance.

2-Co-pays, maternity wear, medications, and other random things are separate than the intial fee you pay her.

3-The fee you pay your surrogate will depend on the experience your surrogate has had. If it's a first time surrogate, her fee will be lower, usually between $18,000-$22,000. More experienced surrogates usually charge between $25,000 & 35,000. It all depends on the surrogate and what they want. We payed our surrogate $20,000, and an additional $5,000 for each extra baby. My surrogate is actually my old boss, so I didn't go through an agency, but I know a bit how they work. Even though I knew my surrogate before this whole process, I still work with an agency to help me figure out all of the legal issues, payment schedule, etc. It has been very helpful to say the least. I would be lost without their help!

4-Your agency will match you according to your personalities, how much you are willing to pay, etc. Both you and the surrogate will have a say in if you would like to work together. I believe you will meet or talk on the phone before making the final decision on whether or not you would like to work together.

5-I'm not sure what all the surrogate's screening process is like before even getting in with the agency. I do know that she will have a background check and she will have to meet with a psychiatrist. You will also have to meet with a psychiatrist, or family counselor, to make sure that you are fully prepared for what is to come. Our family counsleor asked us how we will feel not being in control of our surrogate. Because reality is, she is able to eat what she wants, do what she wants, etc. They need to make sure that you are going to be able to handle it emotionally.

6-Your names, the biological parents, will go on the birth certs, not the surrogates! Usually between the 20th week and the 28th week, you and your surrogate will go to court to officially make you the legal parents of the baby(ies). You and your surrogate will bring the paperwork to the hospital to show that your names go on the birth certificates.

7-I live in California. We became the official parents the day we went to court, which was two weeks ago today. Very exciting day for us. Which state do you live in? I may know something about your state. My husband and I did some research on this.

8-I talk to my surrogate maybe once a week. We live on opposite coasts, so we don't see eachother. If you are going through an agency, they will match you up with someone who wants the same amount of contact. If you want very little contact, they will match you up with someone who also wants very little contact. If you want a lot of contact, they will match you with someone who also wants lots of contact. It really just depends on what you want. I totally understand if you are wanting a business relationship, that would be my preferance. It just seems more comfortable that way. There was a lady who I found through a website who wanted to be "good friends, like family." I wasn't comfortable with that at all, neither was my husband, so we did not go with her.

9-I don't know that you fully ever wrap your brain around the fact that someone else is carrying your baby. I DO worry that my surrogate is eating right, not speeding, taking it easy now that she is so far along with twins. It is very hard, but the fact that you are going to be the biological parents like you have always dreamed, it is all worth it. I also like the fact that I am financially helping someone out. That makes me feel like I am also doing something huge for them in return.

Well, I hope that helps to answer some of your questions! Feel free to ask me anything else. Now that I know you are here, I will check it more often. Actually, if you send me a personal message, that would be better. I will be sure to see it.

Good luck, and let me know what you decide!

Carisa

[Lotus]

Carisa-

Thanks for your very informative reply to my questions. My daughter is only 6 months old, so DH and I aren't quite ready to add to our family just yet, but it has been weighing on my mind. Your post helped me clear up a lot of questions/concerns/worries.

We live in Texas and our RE actually does GC services. Coincidentally, a former boss of mine and his wife used my RE for their GC services twice. They actually even used the same surrogate and got a little girl each time! It is good to know that you don't have to live in the same area as the surrogate, as DH and I are considering a move to Tennessee next year (we are both from there). If for some reason our RE won't service us if we move of state, it is nice to know that there are other agencies we can go through. I didn't know that.

Again, thanks for all of your answers. If I think of any more questions, I'll be sure to ask!!

[carisa1978]

Congratulaions on your baby girl! That's awsome, she's very cute.......

Glad I could clear up any questions you may have.

[jenedens6102]

Carisa, I just wanted to thank you for starting this thread. I'm sure there are so many with questions or that wouldn't know where to start. Sharing your story will definitely be a benefit and a blessing for them. I have discussed taking this option with my DH long before we were even married, either in having to use one or being one. We plan to try for one more but after that, and after we have all been through, we are going to reconsider the question of my being a surrogate, it again all goes back to helping someone in a similar situation. Life is a gift and I'd love to help in any way I can.

[AllyBourbeau]

I found this thread fascinating! I want to thank you for answering everything honestly and thoroughly! Surrogacy is not something I have even thought of at this point but I enjoyed reading about this! Thanks Carisa!

[carisa1978]

jenedens-That would be such a gift you could give someone. Especially since you know a bit about what it feels like in the infertility world. It means a lot.

Ally-I know, it's an interesting subject. Good luck with you IF journey.

[jenedens6102]

It's a topic still being discussed. I would like to try for one, if not two more babies. If I am blessed again - fantastic - but if I'm not I'm ok with that. The question or issue at this point is which route I want to go, I'd love to do both surrogate and egg donor but DH isn't so sure he could handle it. The same issue he had with using donor sperm. But it's being discussed. He knows how much I love to help people and what a ministry this could be for someone to know and feel God's love in their life through the gift of life in a child. But we are years off from that point.

[woodyanita]

My heartiest Congrats to Mommy of TWO in 2009. Twins will bring you lots of joy and happiness. Be prepared to be on your toes 24x7.

All the best.