[popcorn5221]

Hi ladies! Good news. The OB called back later that afternoon(02/26), unfortunately missed her call as I was sleeping(I work midnites). But she left a message explaining she was not surprised the hcg was still that high, which is why she doesn't recommend doing any testing until 6 weeks after the procedure. PHEW!!!! Thats a relief. But I am a bit ticked off with the RE. Scaring the bejesus out of me. What did they expect, my numbers to be at zero! I am human and it takes the human body TIME to heal. Sorry if I'm ranting. So I'll call the RE back on monday and let them know-no testing until 6wk mark.

Daisy-That's a very big step you've taken in healing. for you and your DH. One step at a time...

Sam- for good follie growth.

Reddee-How is your follie growth?

Maren- Fantastic Beta. I'm sure eveything will work out with the progesterone.

Lisa-Good news about your uterus. The 2ww is hard, but sending you

Dre-How are you doing/feeling?

Bits-I'm sorry about what you are going through. But I don't think anyone is ever financially secure, unless you are Brad & Angie! everything works out.

Anj-Glad to hear the yoga is helping. The breathing always helped me relieve stress. Hope everything is ok with your kidney. I'm bad about drinking water too.
Hope everybody has a great weekend
---------------------------------------------------
Cindy
Me(37) unexplained
DH(42) low motility, morphology
spooky
sweetpea
---------------------------------------------------
Nov 08 IUI #1 clomid,ovidrel

Dec08 IUI #2 clomid100mg, ovidrel
12/26 IUI
01/07 HPT
01/09 Beta 319
01/12 Beta 1649
01/15 Beta 4976
01/20 u/s #1 one bean in right place
01/30 u/s #2 102hpm
02/10 u/s #3 no hb(8w4d)
02/12 d&c

[jencat]

Anj suggested I join you guys...

On Monday (seems like weeks ago already) I went to my first u/s and the sac was empty. Same thing happened at about 9 weeks last (my first) IVF, except we didn't know we had lost the fetus until I started bleeding at 11 weeks. So in a sort of twisted way I was relieved... the thought of waiting for that 11 week goal was so stressful....

The thing that frosts my hide (and you guys might be able to provide some input) is after my u/s, they rushed me in to take blood for a blood type and RH test (!!??!!) I mean, I KNEW that information was kind of critical for pregnancy...and since they didn't take it BEFORE my IVF at my RE, I had my OB do it. SO now I can't help thinking what else they should have known to test for before I spent $25,000+ of my future child's education fund???? I am feeling like I just threw a bunch of $$$ right out the window.

Unfortunately I had a gut feeling before I did IVF that I needed to do some additional testing, but neither my OB or my RE did any of the tests I wanted to have done (some of them were for reproductive immunology). So we all know what Oprah says about gut feelings...I should have researched more. But since neither of my dr's did the tests, I thought maybe I was acting like a crazy IF patient (its so easy to go there!).... But my SIL told me last week to go get a second opinion at this OB who flat out tells people whether or not he can get them PG...and guess what? He does the tests (could this be a sign??)... so I have hope again.... we will see. I am afraid of what the results will say. I also don't have time on my side... I will be 41 in 6 weeks!!!

Anyway, I would love to hang with you guys... I am feeling a little lost on this website lately... I have to catch up, so I will check in again after reading for awhile..... thanks for listening to my babble!!! I love you guys already.

Thanks so much. Happy Saturday.

Jen

[southhampton]

Hi Ladies-

Dre - I'm for you.

Popcorn - That is great news! You would think the RE would know better and not scare you like that. I hope your numbers go down quickly

Jen - so sorry for your loss. I would be upset as well. They should have thought of that testing first right? I hope you get the answers you are looking for.

AFM - I went in yesterday and have a total of 5 follies 15.5, 13.5, 2 at 12.5 and 10. So they said stay on current dose. I will go in again for blood and ultrasound on Tuesday. I make a few good eggs!


Samantha

[Anj70]

Im trying to listen to a meditation CD... that WorldsGreatestAunt (Maren, I think) sent me. It sounds decent... but not quite being able to relax. Really struggling here, and wondering if anyone has any tips?

A friend of mine (who just got preggo at 41, and naturally, and first pregnancy).. suggested I quit my job ... and Im feeling really bad hearing that! I dont have a super stressful job... but I am a worrier (and always have been). I feel it was a little unkind of her to suggest that... altho she says she had ended her job, went on a 6 week vacation with her hubby and ended up preggo.

Im so torn... given my personality type, I think If I did quit my job, I would prob. spend all my time sitting home and brooding. I enjoy my work, and travel to fun places ... in fact I find it to be a great distraction from worrying about infertility.

Im trying everyting possible to relax... starting yoga now, doing acupuncture, taking chinese herbs, exercising a bit, eating healthy, listening to relaxation CDs, and doing some meditation.

Cant do anything more, but cant find a way to feel at peace, or feel optimisic (ok, prob, having a bad day today!).

Please help... please tell me its ok to stress, and that Im not seriouly impacting my chances by being stressed (this thought itself is stressing me out!).

Anj

[Bullywrinkles]

Hello Ladies!

Maren,
I bet you are riding quite a scary roller coaster of emotions right now. I will continue my that your next beta is great and all things are a go for the u/s. You seem to be handling this pretty well. I can just imagine how exciting and scary being must feel for you and Dre. to you both! Oh, and as far as the progesterone question, I thought that it is supposed to increase as the pregnancy progresses. But, I am not much help in that I do not know the #'s. Have you called the RE with that question? I am curious what you find out.

Cindy,
Whew! What a relief! I was so worried for you! It is good that you got that news. Your RE should have been more sensitive to not alarm you (especially after everything you have been through). But, I am glad you are ok.

Samantha,
Yay! Good to hear those follies are coming along!

Dre,
Just wanted to send ya some love! I hope you have just been busy....I am worried. I hope all is well and have been praying for good things for you.

Jen,
to our group! It always breaks my heart to know what you have had to go through. I am so sorry that you have been dealt those blows. You are among friends here and we welcome you to vent, share, find comfort, whatever you feel...we are here. Getting a second opinion may be a good idea. It can't hurt right? And, I would think that having testing done is is good thing. And if your doctor does not order testing he should at least give a solid reason why not. I hope you find some answers and we are here to help you through this time.

Anj,
You sound like me! I am pretty sure I am a black belt worrier too. It is ok to be stressed out. We all are. And, while of course it would be great if you weren't stressed, you should take comfort in knowing you are actively doing your best to manage that stress. Some days are better then others and try not to be so hard on yourself. Oh, and as far as working goes, I say if your job is fufilling you should stay. As a stay-at-home wife I can tell you that not working will not relieve that stress. Yes, your days will be less structured but all that free time can easily lead to constant worry. When we moved here 2 years ago I was working and fufilled. We were TTC but I knew that working was best, despite being busy. So, after a year, they needed to change my schedule to nights and weekends. DH and I decided that since that would mean we would never spend time together anymore, it was best to stop working. Besides, we were hopeful that I would be pregnant soon anyways. Ok, so here we are 1 year later and 2 m/c and I can say from expereince that sometimes being home is not all its cracked up to be. Yes, I am not stressed about work. But, my "job" of stay-at-home wife leaves me open to brood. Bad news. DH and I are happier now that I take care of all domestic life and when we are together we have time to enjoy ourselves and not worry about errands or chores. But, I miss my co-workers, the distractions, a sense of seperate life from home. Oh, and as far as what you friend said about quitting your job and going on vacation to get preggo like her...Yes, unkind. Yay for her, but it is unrealistic to think that is the unswer. The best tip I can offer to stop the worry that helps me is this: I read that worrying is like rocking in a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but you dont go anywhere. So when I find myself particularly worked up I imagine myself furiously rocking away and realize I am putting a lot of effort into somthing that yield no results. It helps me to calm down and try to switch my energy into more fufilling and produtive things. But, as I said before ...some days are better then others! Hang in there!

I am doing everything I can to stay busy during my 2ww. Last night we went to a friends for dinner and games. They have a 4mo old baby girl. Oh, so cute! She is one of those really good babies that is always happy. It was fun, but also hard. Unfortunately we dont have any childless friends anymore. We had always had friends in the past that purposely made a decision to live a child free life. But, since moving here we are the last ones standing and don't have any company. Don't get me wrong. I love spening time with kids and our friends who are parents. But there is a whole different vibe when you hang out with the kid-free sort. I just have to keep the faith that we will croos over to the parent side. But, today we are going out to lunch and to see a movie. I try to enjoy our kid-free time now, becasue who knows...... Hope you all are having a good weekend too. Hugs!

[futuremom2b]

I just wanted to let you all know that we went in last Thursday and we did have twins, and there was no HB. DH and I are so heart-broken AGAIN, frustrated, angry and you all know the emotions. This will be 3 MC's (2 Because of the MC's, this time). I go in on Tuesday to check and make sure, but we all know that at 7 weeks, we should have seen some thing, so I have really NO hope. Yes, we have 4 frozen embies, but I'm so ANGRY right now and scared that this would happen again, that I don't know if I can stay on this ride anymore... Jen I was going to PM you, you have been on my mind a lot lately. Feel free if you want to.
I'm just so angry right now I don't know what to do with myself or emotions. I know I still have all the hormones, and the sad thing is the feeling of still "FEELING" pregnant and knowing that you really aren't, but that there is still a baby inside of you that will never be.
I hate feeling this way, I hate that God is trying to teach me some thing this way, what the hell am I not learning. See I'm angry at every thing.
Sorry.

[southhampton]

Hi Ladies -

Dre - I'm for you

Lisa - AHHH the waiting. When is your POAS day!

Maren - How are you feeling? When you be going in for Ultrasound?

Anj - I am sorry people are so insensitive . Going through IVF is very stressful. It sounds like you are doing all the right things. I did all of those things when I had my little boy But I hear you I am a stress ball as well. Some days are better than others so all you can do is try and stay positive.Best of luck to you.

I just got the call and I have 6 total follies
a 21, 18,16,14.5,14 and an 11.5. I go in again for blood and ultrasound tomorrow and will probably trigger tomorrow night I am there are some good eggies in there to make some Healthy embies.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Samantha

[southhampton]

Dre - we must have been posting at the same time.
I am so sorry . I hope that they will have some answers for you as to why this keeps happening. You are such a kind person. We are hear to listen

Samantha

[Bullywrinkles]

Dre,
Words can not express how sorry I am to hear the news. You have every right to be angry. I wish you did not have to go through this, again. So unfair. You are very loved here and I just hope you know we are here to support you any way we can.

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

I am so sorry for your losses Huge hug to you during this terrible time. You have a right to be angry, sad & a well of other emotions. I'm here if you need me.

[jencat]

Samantha… good to see those follies growing!!! Keep up the good work.


Anj: This work thing is a real personal decision. Sorry your friend didn't think before speaking....I would go crazy not having work, and would obsess about the cycle. So I chose to work at home….. so I can take naps if I need to, and put up my feet. Its been really great because with the loss I took a lot of time off. Would working at home be an option? And you need to remember… our ancestors had to run from dinosaurs… I can’t imagine that life was all that stress free… and they managed to procreate??? I think you are going to be OK. Just remember to breathe when you feel the stress coming on.

Bully, I couldn’t agree more. A second opinion for me should be helpful… and I am pretty disappointed in my RE. Thanks for the warm welcome. hang in there. I can relate to having the friends who have kids…but we also have child free (mostly single) friends who don’t know we are trying… and that is weird, too. I used to have a support group of IFs, but now they are all PG! yikes. So thanks to you guys I don’t feel so alone anymore!!

Dre… I know it all too well…. I will PM you tomorrow.

WGA: Maybe tomorrow I will post the soap opera that has been my life for the last 6 months. My (extremely insensitive) sister just had her first...the first family grandchild (and she is 5 yrs younger than me) in January, and I would never have imagined how insensitive my whole family would be. But I am tired right now and need to get some sleep. ....

I hope everyone finds peace this week.. lord knows we all need it.

Dre, sleep well.

Jen

[popcorn5221]

Dre, Sorry cannot express how I feel. Truthfully, my heart aches for you. Just know we are here for you.
Cindy

[jencat]

This is mostly for WGA...

For all of you from the Jan IVF, alot of this is old news, but I think its nice to share this story. Some of you will realize how lucky you are to have supportive family, and some will feel like you have another person on this thread who can really relate to how you are feeling.

My sister and I had become distant since she met her DH, and I missed our close relationship and was always trying to think of ways to get closer. So I decided since she hadn't had kids yet, if I told her that we had started TTC, it would start a new dialogue between us. So I kept her updated on where we were, and told her eventually that she should seek help asap if they ever had trouble, because we were.

Well, 1.5 years later I got a call at work, she was calling to tell me they were PG. Yes, at work. Where no one knew we were TTC. And through the course of the conversation I found out that she was THREE MONTHS PG. So of course I started bawling... and what am I supposed to tell my coworkers? I am crying because my sister is PG? What an a**hole I am! So anyway, it was really a blow to me. Then in the following days I found out that my parents had known for a month (it is only the 4 of us in my family), and she had gone to MY CLINIC for fertility treatments... and never said a thing. So I emailed her and told her I understood her calling me to tell me, but calling at work was really not well thought out. And that was the end of our friendship. She and I got together and I wanted to smooth things over and ask if we could just forgive and forget. She wanted to yell at me, so I let her, she told me I was mean and inconsiderate and that I 'ruined what was supposed to be a happy time in her life'. I appologised up and down, but it wasn't enough. She told me that she is the way she is, she makes no apologies, and if I have a problem with that, that's my issue, not hers. And finally when all was said and done, I told her I thought she should know I was 10 weeks PG, and she said 'I bet you're really happy about that'. 5 days later I miscarried, and those last words she said to me danced over and over in my head. It hurt SO much. And now I felt like she won.... and its what she wanted.

The day I miscarried I got the invite to my sister's shower. I took it into the basement, put it on a board and hit it with a hammer as hard as I could. Then I cut it up with a utility knife into little bitty pieces, and burned it. It was SO cathardic. I really needed that outlet.

For Thanksgiving DH & I went to europe. That was when we were planning to share our happy news with Dh's family, and I wanted out. My family was pissed that I didn't show up, DH's family applauded me for taking care of myself.

So as time went on, my parents sided with my sister and made me feel like I wasn't being supportive enough (of course my sister was not being truthful with them in an effort to bias them in her favor...). I went to the counselor with my sister to talk things over because my dad 'didn't want things to be ackward at Christmas'. and my sister pretty much told me she didn't want me in her life. 'We're too different' was her excuse. So Christmas was stressful to say the least. My dad gave me a framed photo of me and my sister that said 'a sister is a friend you can't get rid of' and my mom gave me a book about 'will you still be my daughter after you have all your babies?' and my parents gave baby gits to my sister. I slept 14 hours that night after crying myself to sleep.

Then when I was getting close to starting my Jan cycle I sent an email to my parents asking them to refrain from asking about my cycle and if they had any news about my sister to call DH instead, because I didn't want to stress out every time the phone rang. The response email told me how selfish I was, that I hurt their feelings, and I am depriving a niece/ nephew of an aunt. It went on and on about how I need to find a new counselor and that I was sick. It was awful. Somehow they were under the impression that I never wanted to see my sister again (which is kinda true..) but anyway, another misunderstanding... and again, I am apparently a jerk.

I was a little relieved thinking that maybe they are so mad they will never talk to me again... and that would have been sad, but such a relief. I finally talked to my dad and we agreed that my sister needed their attention in Jan (she had her baby mid Jan) and that I needed a break from them. So we decided to take a month off. 5 days later my mom sent me an email asking for all this stuff she wanted back (the book she gave me at xmas, a painting my g'ma made..), I am sure the intention was to make me feel disowned.

But after the Jan IVF things didn't look as good as the previous cycle, and I didn't want to call them until I had good news. And I put it off...and put it off... then I put my cat to sleep... then I called my tax person (a family friend) and found out my dad had had a heart attack 1.5 weeks prior....my mom never called, and DH works with BIL... he never said anything either. Disowned for certain. Then the u/s w/ no hb.... very sad.

Friday I am having lunch with DH and my dad... I am really nervous... but out of all my family, my dad is the only one who tries to understand... but he's male.. I pray that it goes well.

I don't need anyone's pity..... I am so well supported you would never believe how lucky I am. As time goes on, more and more people become part of my support goup, and I feel more and more blessed. Dh's family has adopted me, and I have come to find ALL his siblings have had IF issues... one sister for 13 YEARS!!! and I never would have found them had I not reached out.

So these are the lessons I have learned: first, you cannot expect support where you THINK it should be... it just happens sometimes. You need to put yourself out there, and the universe (or God?) takes care of you. Things will not always turn out like you expect, but you are better from the journey. And Second, that I am really, truely blessed. I am here on this thread for a reason (and its not just to bore you with my family drama!!) I am here to help you, and you are here to help me. It is the best gift anyone can wish for. Thanks so much for caring enough... You guys are the best.

[Anj70]

Jencat... thank you SOOOOO much for your words! It made me feel much better... as I was starting to stress about stressing out !! I really appreciate your support!

[Anj70]

Jencat... I think you are doing an amazing job of taking care of yourself, and protecting yourself. It takes courage to stand upto family, especially when they are being insensitive. I would extend that same logic to friends. Im keeping away from friends who are preggo, or have babies -- just dont want reminders of what im trying so desperately to have!

Over the weekend I got an unexpected call from my SIL, and I was SO terrified that she was going to say that she was preggo with her second! I almost want to put down the phone on her... but good thing, it was just a "hello" call ! ((whew))

Im trying, too, to block myself off from negative forces, whether they are comments, or news, or just irritable things. Kudos to you for choosing to do what you need ...

Give a big hug to yourself... and know that we are all hear cheering you on, and you go through the next chapters in your biography !!

Anj