[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Oh Jen your story brought tears to my eyes, I felt complete recognition to all of the emotions you have been feeling. I love my family dearly but they really don't get it. I was so upset when I found out my SIL was pregnant I really considered going to a mental institute because I didn't know if I could handle anymore sadness. My folks thought I was so crazy for being so sad. They asked me why and the hard part was that i really didn't know. I believe it all comes down to, "its not fair." I don't know why it still makes me so upset, I don't know why that even now knowing I'm pregnant, I still feel angry and don't want to see her. I think it might have something to do with how easy it was for her. How she didn't have to go through any m/c's or injections to get what she wanted. How she aborted babies that I could of possibly adopted. I'm working hard on controling my anger because I wasn't an angry person 6 months ago. The moment I lost that first baby, I changed into a differnt person and I want to go back. I want to go back to being the outgoing, optimistic person I used to be. But its really hard. Oh and the other day I told my mom that I was surprised that my SIL was telling everyone about her pregnancy so early and she said, "well its not like she has all those issues you and DH have." WTF!

I'm so sorry that things have been rough with your family, I didn't mean to turn this post about me. You have been so brave and strong to keep trucking along with all of that other business in your way. You are an inspiration, thank you for your story!

Southamptom, those follies look great! Grow embabies grow!

Lisa, its Monday, was my POAS prediction correct or are you holding out until Wedensday?

Popcorn, I'm sorry that you had to go through the unneccesary worry! Big thumbs down for the RE this time!

Deep breaths Anj Everytime I start to feel stressed out (and that is very often) I let the song play in my head, "Que Sera, Sera, Whatever will be will be." It seems to calm me because I realize that at this point, my life is out of my control.

Afm, I'm sad, worried, scared, and happy. I'm sad for Dre and the horrible reality a m/c creates for all of us, worried about my fate, scared that I will not be able to handle the worst, and happy I've made it this far. But I'm just trying to breath (and not vomit) and leave it up to fate, because at this point, I don't have any other choice.

Dre, I'm for a miracle. Huge hug again to you today!

[jencat]

Hey, girls... thanks for the kind words.

Anj.. glad to help. I am SO familiar with that sinking feeling when an insensitive calls... I always think.. should I even answer? Glad to hear you are able to keep things under control as much as you can.

WGA: I knew you would understand my story for sure. And I can't tell you how similar I have felt, especially after my second m/c. I have a bitterness in the center of my heart that I just can't flush out. And I can't help but think about my sister shopping for diapers, breastfeeding, watching him grow..... things I might never get to do.... and I am not necessarily jealous, just really, really sad. Because to me to be jealous, I would need to want to be her. And I just want the exact life I already have... just with a child added. It sucks that it has to be so hard.

A friend of mine told me that while PG, she tried to make a point to think every day of some things to be thankful about. She had gone through 9 years of IF, and really didn't want to look back and realize she had spent the whole 9 months freaking out about everything... Its hard to slip into the psychoness of IF, sometimes you need to make an effort to stay positive...

AFM: today I made an appt with my new OB to hopefully have me and DH tested for everything imaginable to see what might be missing... our appt is on lucky st. patrick's day! so I have hope again... but I HATE waiting!!!! grr.. Hopefully we will learn something, otherwise we might be done.

Thanks everyone for your support.... I appreciate having you around.

Jen

[jencat]

WGA: Sorry I forgot to wish you good luck tomorrow... I am for you.

[southhampton]

Jencat- I am so sorry your family does not understand what you are feeling. I feel that unless you have gone through it you have no idea of the feelings. I hope you have a great lunch with your Dad. Thanks for the shout out

Maren- is your us tomorrow? If so I hope you see a nice strong heartbeat or two

Dre - I'm for you.

Afm - I trigger tonight at 7 . I can't believe it. When I went in this morning they saw 8 follies. 2 are on the smaller size. I am for a few good eggs .

To all the other ladies Hi and I hope you are having a great day.

Samantha

[daisy2006]

Dre, I wanted to first start out by telling you how sorry I am to hear your news. I actually started to cry a little at work. I just can't understand why this happened.

Jencat-----Wow, that is quite a story about you family. I have had some serious stories of dysfunction in my family, but I gues I have been lucky that everyone has been really great about what we are going through. I have alot of support. I definitely know what you mean about your sister. I am sometime jealous of mine. It's not in a bad way. Like you said, I wouldn't trade what I have in my life now for anything, I just want to add a baby to our family. My one sister, who also is younger than me got pg w/ her daughter by accident a few monts after she was married and then pg w/ her son the same time I was trying. That of course was before I knew we had IF issues. I love my niece and nephew, but I so wish for my own. I am just so happy that I have a wonderful husband and marriage. If we never have children, at least we will have that.

My best friend has been dealing w/ IF issues for the past 6 years. Her husband has severe MF and they have done a few cycles of IVF and FET, all which ended w/ a BFN. She is doing another FET cycle this month and I am praying that she finally gets her BFP. They have been trying for so long. I feel bad sometimes that when she first started dealing w/ IF I was not a very good support for her. I had noooooo idea what was involved and the extent of pain and treaments that is involved. Until it happened to me, I felt bad for her, but had no idea how much pain her and her husband were going through. Now we just swap stories about the poking, prodding, and hormonal ups and downs that we have been through!

Lisa----Did you poas yet?? I don't know how you're holding out, the suspense is killing me! I can't imagine what it's doing to you. Are you having any symptoms?

Samantha------You are at such a nerve wracking, but exciting part of IVF! Waiting for those follies to grow! .

BTW, came yesterday. It has been 6 weeks since I delivered, so I guess that's about right. I am just glad it finally came. The sooner my body gets back to normal, the sooner I can't start trying again

Sorry for the book, but I seem to have alot to say tonite. I'm really glad I found this thread. It makes me feel normal again. Things do get better day by day. I can't say that I don't think aobut my babies or what I went through everyday, but it does get easier. Sorry if I missed anyone. I just got a chance to catch up w/ everything the best that I could. Well, I better get going. It's about that time to get my butt into bed! My oldest sister was in the hospital yesterday (for an infection, nothing serious) so my teenage niece slept over and I had to take her to school very early this morning, so I am really tired. Have a good night everyone!

[southhampton]

Daisy - for .I am glad to hear you days are getting better. We never forget we just can move forward

Samantha

[Bullywrinkles]

Jen,
Thank you for sharing your story of family struggle with us. I like how you summed up that support is not always there where you THINK it should be (I struggle with that) and how if you put yourself out there you will be taken care of. That really sopke to me as that is how I feel about all of you wonderful ladies. Essentially we are strangers, but you all know and understand how difficult IF is and have opened up your lives and I am so grateful to have found you all. Also, good to know I have a fellow novelist here. I am so glad you have come to our group!

Maren,
and good luck today! The mix of emotions you are feeling must be tough to handle at times. Hang in there! I am you are blessed with happiness.

Daisy,
That is great that your body is healing and AF has come. I know I think about my angel every day too. You have been through so much and I am just so happy to hear that hope shine through for you again. Also, it is interesting how struggling with IF changes how we interact with others. Lke how now you can better understand what your best friend has been through. I hope she gets her BFP this time. I bet she is so glad to have your support and that now you all can relate better.

Dre,
Just wanted to let you know that you have been on my mind and are in my heart. I so hard for you to get through this. We want nothing but good things for you and it breaks my heart to know you have to endure so much. I hope you are managing as well as can be expected.

Samantha,
YAY! You are on your way! Congrats!

AFM, I am showing much will power and have yet to POAS. I am feeling very vunerable about all the outcomes and am somewhat frozen in fear. I ususally can't contain my urge to POAS but this time feels different. I think I will stick with the original plan and test friday. Please pray for me to have the stregnth to handle whatever happens. Also, a question for any of you who take progesterone. Any side effects? I have been INCREDIBLY TIRED! The last time I was this tired was when I was pregnant. But, I am wondering if this is just due to the prometrium.

[jencat]

Samantha… I TOTALLY agree that no one can understand IF w/o going through it….thanks for the well wishes for my lunch w/dad…. I have been nervous about it since we made the date.. I am excited to see him, but don’t want to talk to him about all this. I am also going to have to tell him about the m/c…. ick. I think it should be OK… DH will be there. Congrats on the trigger…wow that went fast!!

Daisy.. glad you can find hope in AF… it seems so twisted. I am in the same boat… I have not miscarried yet, and every day I am hoping for a sign.. waiting to bleed… it just seems so weird to anticipate that. I hope once it happens the darkness I am feeling in my heart right now goes with it. I can also relate with the friend with IF. I had the same issue, my friend was trying for 2 years, and I know I said some of those things that drive us crazy. But she is a big part of my support network now… a true friend for sure. I am glad you are here, too. Happy to see you feeling better…it makes me feel better, too (its contagious!!).

Bully… I am glad to be here, and I am not known for keeping it short (I present this entry as evidence..). Sorry to say, but the only time I have been really tired is also when I was PG (!!!)…. and I wasn’t on prometrium… but the PIO made me stopped up… and, I don’t ever POAS (too chicken, too cheap!), so maybe my will power will hold you over…. I will try to send some your way. I forgot.. when is your beta??

Dre.. still thinking of you…. Check in with us when you feel stronger. We miss you.

Maren… any news??

Hope everyone else is feeling positive and supported tonight….

Take care.

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Hey guys! My beta came in good and progesterone dropped some but the nurse said is still really good at 54.2. So my u/s will be next friday. Even though the numbers are good, i still have some brown stuff when I wipe which really freaks me out. It was just like twice a day but today has been like everytime. Nurse says its normal, but they said that when I m/c'd too. Guess I just have to hold on to the numbers and the m/s. DH figures today its more b/c I flew and then have been in meetings all day and havne't had a nap Anyhow, I hope everyone is well and I'll definitly post more soon

Dre, for you

[southhampton]

Maren - for a nice strong BETA. Hope the time flies until your us.

Dre - Thinking of you and sending you some .

Lisa - You are a rock. I would have broken down. So proud of you 1 more day. you see a .

Jen - Best of luck tomorrow. I hope you have a great lunch.

Daisy - I think the physical stuff is easy. It is all the waiting that wears you down. Hope your having a great day

afm- We had er today and we got 5 eggs . they make some healthy embies. I will not get a fet report till Saturday UGH! I hate the waiting but it is in Gods hands.

Samantha

[Bullywrinkles]

Hello Ladies!

Jen,
Thanks for the support! I don't go for beta until maybe next week...unless I get my BFP sooner!

Maren,
Yay for the good beta and progesterone! Did the Dr. ever say if your progesterone is suppposed to increase during pregnancy? I hope time flies for you! Stay strong!

Samantha,
5 eggs is great! I will continue for healthy embies. The waiting game sucks! But, hang in there! I hope you get good news Saturday.

AFM, OK, so I have been harnessing all my positive energy into visualizing a BFP tomorrow when I test. Typically, I am cautious and don't allow myself visions of sweet babies and motherhood. But, I am feeling good and hopeful and I am going to stick with that. If I get a BFN I still will be testing for another week so I am not going to get too worked up. And, if it is not my time yet that will be ok too. Yes, I will be sad BUT I know in my heart that my day will come. I wish you all a happy day and hope things are well.

[Bullywrinkles]

So, I tested and ...... OMG! I was visualizing this but it was still a knee knocking surprise. I am so glad I waited. DH was with me and it was so comforting to have him there. I took 3 tests (you all know I have a huge stock pile, with many brands) 2 regualr and 1 digital, all +. So, I will go in for beta #1 today and hope to have the results this afternoon.

I have decided to do my best to keep positive. As we all know after losing your "pregnancy virginity" and personally experiencing a worst nightmare come true it will be a huge challenge to not worry. But, I am not going to live in that place of fear. What will be, will be. And I am resolving to keep my wits about me and enjoy myself. Last time I spent the first 3 weeks in a panic and lived in fear. Once I decided to relax and be happy it was much less stressful. That does not mean I am not scared. I am. But I will take whatever happiness and time with this baby I can get for now. Please keep me in your prayers. Any encouragement is appreciated.

Hope you all have a good day and I will post again with the beta.

[Bullywrinkles]

Beta #1 was 79, progesterone 32. Now we wait. that the #'s go up!

[popcorn5221]

Lisa- Thats great news! Big thumbs up to you for showing restraint and waiting to poas. I'm sure it took a lot of willpower. Sending you a Big hug to help you dispel your worries. Hoping for a great Beta.

Sam- WOW! Hope you get great news on Saturday!

Maren-Wonderful Beta! Hope the brown stuff has stopped too. I'ts insane how insensitive your mom was with that comment. Truthfully, you need to be a bit selfish. Forget about your sil and whatever your mom says. Just let it roll...You have to think about yourself and your little bean. You're the one who has gone throught the ups and downs, joy and heartache. They haven't and it seems they will never understand. As long as your DH is there to support you and we're certainly here to support you, Enjoy and Take care of YOURSELF!

Jen-Belated . I'm so sorry to hear about the struggles you are enduring with your family. God bless your Dh and his family. Hope everything goes well with your dad and that his health is good. Also that you start healing physically.

Daisy-I'm glad your body is showing signs of getting back to normal with AF's visit. I wish I could start trying again but I still have quite a ways to go. Another step in the journey to healing.

Anj-That was a really absentminded comment by your friend(sorry if a little harsh). Not everyone is in a position to up and quit, just like that. And if you enjoy your work, why should you have to. I know I enjoy my job and can't see myself giving it up. I may work funky hours(9pm-5am) but those hours are by choice. I've always been a nite owl. Hope the yoga and herbs are making you feel better.

Dre-Thinking and for you.

Afm-just chillin. Enjoyin the warm up we're getting here in the midwest. I love the spring(even though its not officially spring yet). Haven't called the RE to let her know what the OB had said. I'll just wait til after the checkup with the OB which is next week(3/11). Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.
---------------------------------------------------
Cindy
Me(37) unexplained
DH(42) low motility,morphology
spooky
sweetpea
---------------------------------------------------
Nov 08 IUI #1 clomid, ovidrel
Dec 08 IUI #2 clomid 100mg, ovidrel
12/26 IUI
01/07 HPT
01/09 Beta 319
01/12 Beta #2 1649
01/15 Beta #3 4976
01/20 u/s #1 one bean in right place
01/30 u/s #2 102 hpm
02/10 u/s #3 no hb
02/12 d&c

[popcorn5221]

Originally Posted by Bullywrinkles

Beta #1 was 79, progesterone 32. Now we wait. that the #'s go up!

Thats a good start. When do you go back for 2nd Beta? I'm along with you. Try to relax and enjoy the weekend.