[jencat]

Maren… glad to hear all is good with you. I have always been told that anything coming out any color except red is usually OK. But if you have the history, I am sorry… that has to be hard. Rest is good… the other important thing is water. Drink plenty of it. Hoping that the time until your u/s passes quickly. BTW, my re likes to see the projest. Over 20…. So I think you are OK….!

Samantha… UGH! Saturday??? How horrible. That wait would kill me too. Glad to hear the ER was uneventful and you got 5!!! Praying for the embies to grow.

Bully…. YEAH!!!! I am so happy for you! I have never seen the + on HPT…. Must be exciting!!!

Cindy… you must be close to me.. I am having a really hard time being inside today because it is so BEAUTIFUL out today!! ( I am in St. Paul)

AFM: had lunch w/ dad. I am emotionally exhausted. He has lost weight, but he looks good (he didn’t actually have a heart attack, it was total blockage, so he had bypass surgery). He is healing faster than they expected, probably because he takes care of himself. We had to tell him about the second loss... I am sure he was expecting good news..
We agreed that we both miss the happy family get -togethers but they are probably a thing of the past. He gave me the impression that he is frustrated with my sister, so maybe he is starting to see my side of things. DH was there and cut into the conversation trying to clarify things a little and he said that IF is so stressful, you feel out of control and’ its like all your nerve endings are exposed’ (and I was thinking why didn’t you cut in 8 months ago… that was a great analogy!!) My dad said that he just wants to be around to give me a hug when I need it, which was a great relief. He also mentioned that this mess is not all my fault (which is not what my sister and mom have been inferring) so that was also a relief. We are going to try to have coffee together, and eventually my mom will come into the mix. I don’t really care to see my sister for quite awhile, and my dad finally seems OK with that.
Thanks for all the cheerleading, I have been a mess this week. Hopefully this weekend will feel a little lighter with all this dad stuff off my chest.
Hope everyone has a great Friday... take care of yourself.
Jen

[southhampton]

Lisa - I am so happy for you What an exciting moment. I am glad you and DH were together. Best of luck on next BETA we will be you on

Sam

[Bullywrinkles]

Jen,
Sounds like your talk with you Dad went quite well. It is great that he is understanding of your feelings and wants to support you. I hope that you all can continue to come together. Also, for your DH to go with you and help explain the IF struggle shows he must be a great guy! Family drama sucks, But hang in there. Things may just get better. And if not, you are always welcome to seek that support here. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you all "get it" when it comes to how tough all of this can be.

AFM, Thanks for the support ladies! Being again does bring up a lot of feelings....I am just so glad you are here! The OB was off yesterday when I came in for b/w. So, he is going to call me Mon to let me know when he wants me to come back for the next beta. I am just my heart out for the double. Today we take a road trip to visit DH's neice and nephew. That will be a welcome distraction to keep me from worry. My current mantra is "one day at a time" I just have to focus on that one day and try to keep positive. Otherwise I start to feel overwhelmed. Hope you all have a good weekend!

[MMason]

Oh my gosh!!! Congratulations Bullywrinkles!!! I can't wait to read more positive posts....

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Thanks S.hamptom! Yeah for lots of eggies, hooray!

OMG Lisa, yeah yeah yeah!!!!!! I’m so sorry I was MIA to be here and wish you goodluck!! I think your beta looks good and I’ll be that it increases, it feels like the waiting never ends right? Your progesterone is super good as well! I think one day at a time is a really good mantra and I think I’m going to steal it as I try to make it through this week! And to answer your question, the RE said that over time your progesterone will increase into your 2nd & 3rd trimester but as long as its in range, or a little above, during the first trimester (9-47), its good. They said it will flutate based on time of day and what you’ve eaten by up to 20pts so not to worry, easier said than done! Can’t wait to hear about your next beta, we will be waiting with anticipation!

Thanks for the support Popcorn, I appreciate it! for your ob appointment next week!

Thanks Jencat! I do have some red though which is what scares me, I’m ok with the brown. RE still says that as long as its not a flow and no cramps its fine especially with multiple pregnancies so I guess I’ll just wait and see! I’m glad that you and your dad are making progess and hopefully day by day everything will get better with your mom as well.

On another note, I have been talking with Dre through email and she wanted me to let you all know that she is ok and just trying her hardest to get through this difficult time. She had her D&C and is waiting for test results. Please for her and her family for strength in this most difficult of times. She also told me to tell you Sam that she is thinking of you and hoping you have a great outcome.

AFM, still more rusty stuff than I’d like but I’m going to take it easy this weekend and drink lots of water. Que Sera, Sera…. Trying to prepare myself for the worst while also hoping for the best is so exhausting! Dh is hoping that I had quads and am just losing one which strangly does make me feel better. Just for one!

[daisy2006]

Sam----Yeah, 5 eggies!! Keep us posted on the fert report.

Lisa---Congratulations on your !!!! That is so exciting! I was so shocked when I started reading the thread today. Words cannot express how happy I am for you. We'll all be praying that those numbers keep going up, up, up!

WGA-----I had a lot of bright red spotting in the beginnning. I went to the hospital twice during my first trimester and had ultrasounds done and everytime we went we saw all three little hearts beating. It turned out to be nothing. Try not to worry so much (easier said than done) I'm sure everything is fine. I remember how every little thing freaked me out.

Cindy-----I think the waiting is the hardest part. We are going to try naturally after about 4 months even though the docotor said 6. I doubt that it will happen naturally considering the morphology issues dh has. If I did get pg on our own, it would truely be a miracle. Yeah well, it doesn't hurt to try. We can't afford another IVF yet. I am so jealous of your warm weather! I live in Pa near Philadelphia, so we just had another storm last week. UGH!! I am so sick of snow and ice. It's actually warm out today. I hope it stays that way.

Have a nice weekend everyone.

[southhampton]

Jen - I am so happy your lunch with your dad went well. It must have felt so good to connect with him. I sure hope your mom comes around. It is tough to have that kind of tension. But knowing your dad is understanding must help.

Daisy - I am so happy to hear that you have a plan. It feels good to have something to look forward to. We have male factor as well and the chances are low but it is always fun to try:-)

Lisa - Can't wait till Monday!

Cindy - Glad to hear you are enjoying the good weather. What a nice feeling that your Dr. appt is this week. Hope all goes well.

afm- they called this afternoon and we have 3 embies. they all make it till tomorrow. They will call in the am to let us know if we will transfer. I hope all goes well tomorrow.

Samantha

[Anj70]

hi ladies... have been offline a bit, trying to restore my mind and body to better health., Today, however, am feeling a bit low, cause is arriving, and that means another month and no preggo-ness !

Am taking a break from IVF... but was so so hoping to concieve on a break... so many stories of women who have! I just dont know what more I can do .. Im doing every darndest thing I can - acupuncture, chinese herbs, fertility yoga, exercise, meditation and deep breathing ... even tried some of that wheatgrass (yuk!).

so fed up... hope everyone is feeling great ! I havent read throughthe back posts... shall get thru them soon...

Anj

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Thanks Daisy that does make me feel so much better!! The spotting comes and goes and I sure like it better when its gone

Sam, yeah for 3 embabies I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, goodluck!!!!

Anj, I'm sure you must be just overwhelmed and I'm sorry this wasn't your month Breathe, have some wine and know that you're doing everything you can... It will happen for you.

[Bullywrinkles]

Maren,
I was so worried ...we had not heard from you in a few days and it is a relief to know you are ok. The spotting thing is scary. But, lets just hope this passes and is nothing to be concerned about. Being caught in the middle of all those emotions must be tough. I am so hard you have a healthy pregnancy. That all of us get to experince that really. to you! I am glad to hear Dre is managing. My heart goes out to her and her family! I really pray that things turn around for her. Also, thanks for the progesterone info. And yes, the waiting...is AGONY! I may have to change the mantra to "one minute at a time".

Daisy,
Thanks for the good cheer! I am just so happy we have made it this far. I can't wait to cheer you on when you get to the "trying part" again. And who knows...you may have luck and get pregnant natrually. I mean, those stories of ladies who do succeed during a break are all over the place!

Samantha,
I will keep for healthy embies! I want so much for you to have a good transfer. Can't wait to hear what happens!

Anj,
that is a b****! I hope you are able to find some hope despite the let down this cycle. Oh, and STAY AWAY from the wheatgrass! That stuff is disgusting and can ruin a good mood in a snap! I think it is good that you are so proactive about trying different things to help boost fertility. Maybe persistance is the key. But, all I know is we all have those days when it feels like nothing you do matters and the frustration of it all eats us alive. Hang in there! I you will get through this rough patch and can achieve your goal...a beautiful healthy baby!

MMason,
How are you doing?

Dre,
Continued and !

AFM, just trying to get through everything myself. I am still hanging on to hope right now and not allowing myself to think of the possibility of a bad outcome. Whenever I start that, it is so hard to stop and next thing I know I am reliving the m/c all over again. It was good to get away yesterday and see the kids and DH''s family. But, it snowed last night so we will be home today. I will have to get creative to not obsess too much. Oh, and because I am crazy I POAS again this morning and the line was darker this time. DH thinks I'm nuts for doing it but it makes me feel better to see that, and I hope it means my beta is going up. Thanks to all of you for your continued support. I feel blessed to have such a fantastic buch of ladies in my life! and have a good weekend!

[southhampton]

Hi Ladies - Sorry for not doing individual posts. We had our transfer today of two embies 5 cell grade C Fair. I hate to admit I cried all the way to acupuncture. Then I felt so bad about crying. This cycle was so off and I was for better quality. It is in God's hands now so I will continue to . To say the least I am feeling better now and feel so guilty about before. I don't want to give off any negative vibes to my embies. Take care everyone.
Samantha

[MMason]

Bullywrinkles thanks for asking....I'm good...Just waiting and waiting to O.... finished my 1st round of clomid....so it's just the stupid wait now. I bought the pre-seed stuff and an opk so hopefully we can time it right this month.

My friend dropped by saturday....the one who was pregnant the same time as me last year whom I haven't seen since her baby was born. It was so awkward. Her baby was adorable but everytime I look at her I think about my m/c and my eyes would well up. She just kept saying "don't worry...it will happen when you least expect it...blah blah blah..." I keep telling myself I can't be angry...it's not her fault....she was having trouble ttc too...and I am happy for her, but still, it doesn't make it easy!

[Bullywrinkles]

Samantha,
and I will be that your embies stick! It is ok to feel disappointed. But I am glad you are trying to think positive and try not feel guilty. You are doing a great job! It is hard to go through IF and I am so proud of how you have managed to keep it together. Just know, we are all rooting for you!

MMason,
So good to hear from you! Having pregnant/ new mommy friends can be so hard. I think we all have someone in our lives that stands as that constant reminder of all we are struggling to achieve. But, hopefully, you will cross over to the mommy side soon and this friend can then be seen as more of an ally. Good luck this cycle! I know I have tried the preseed before. It was kinda messy for me but definately helps when you need extra lube for all that ! I know that clomid can dry up the CM and it can help with that. I noticed this cycle my CM was less abundant so I took mucinex daily to help thin it out. Seems to have worked! Keep us posted as to how you are doing and have fun !

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Lisa, thank you! After doing pretty much bedrest for the weekend the spotting has all but ceased so I'm happy about that and hoping it stays that way! I too poas between the 1st & 2nd betas a few times to make sure When do you get those results again, I forgot??

Oh Sam, I'm sorry it wasn't what you were hoping for And don't feel bad about being sad, this trying after m/c stuff is difficult and emotionally draining. A girl in my last thread went in for an u/s and only had 2 follies at 15 & 14 and the RE told her she was already starting to ovulate so to come in the next day. She figured it was definitly a bust b/c no follies were even close to mature but wahlaa she got her bfp that month. Now I know thats IUI and not IVF but it was really inspirational, so you never know what can happen! Drink some grape juice and we'll be that those embabies stick!

Mmason, that must of been really hard. I find its almost harder when friends of mine that I've confinded in with get pregnant than those that have no idea that we've been having any issues. They seem to look at you with those sad eyes and it feels like the relationship is no longer normal. I'm proud of you for seeing her though and making it through the meeting. I'm not sure I could of done the same. Oh and I just LOVE preseed and plan on using it even when we arn't trying. However, we use the external kind that he puts on rather than the suppository kind. It was so great to have while using clomid especially!

Dre, for you and sending you .

AFM, same old story. Just waiting, trying to balance fear & hope. Although today I have been quite nauseous so I'm hoping thats a good sign. I was tempted to sneak to the ER today and just get the darn u/s over with so i could quit wondering. But then I backed out b/c if everything is ok, I would always feel bad about doing that behind Dh's back. Oh the trials of IF & pregnancy!

[Bullywrinkles]

So beta # 2 was 418 today. I am happy because it is doubling rate is every 40 hrs. Yay! I know I am not out the woods by a long shot but this was very welcome news.

Last night I was a mess. I think it really hit me how real this is. I have been trying so hard to only think positive and not let fear creep in. I found that the problem with that is once you have lived a negative experience, it feels much stronger and more vivid then any positive visualizations you try to come up with. Because all pregnancies start out on this same path it is so hard to force my positive wishful thinking to trump my real life expereiences. I am just doing my best to try and keep calm. I have to remind myself that this is a different pregnancy and thus not destined to fail. I am trying to be positive and strong and not spiral into a bawling mess. When I was driving home and waiting for the OB to call with my beta I was freaking out. On the radio were my "coping songs" You know, the sad songs that you cry your heart out to. The songs were 3 (in a row)that I listened to constantly on the ipod after the loss. I could not believe my ears. Was this some cosmic message that I better prepare for some heavy duty heartbreak? So, after I got home I did some meditative breathing and cuddled up with my dog. It seemed that once I was calm, the phone rang and I thankfully got good news. I am not sure how I am going to keep it together until the u/s. A day at a time and lots of distractions I guess. Thanks for letting me vent. I just feel so vunerable and while I am thrilled to be pregnant, I am struggling with seperating my feelings out right now

Maren,
Ok so I totally get the desire to get that darn u/s done...like right now! You go friday right? It will be good for DH to be there with you. you get through the next few days and and happy news. Oh, and congrats on the morning sickness...that should be reassuring right!