[Bullywrinkles]

So the time has come for me to "get back on the horse" and start tcc again after our loss. showed up today and I think we are ready to give it a shot this cycle. It is scary to think about the possibility of suffering another loss but we know that sitting around waiting will not get me pregnant either. We have spent time working through our grief by putting together a memory box. I put all of my memories and hopes for our little angel on paper as well as special songs and poems that remind me of our angel. This has helped tremndously to help me come to terms with what happened. Now I feel hopeful that we can try again and pray that we are blessed.

Just wondering if any of you other mommies to angels are in the same place? I know I would love to have a buddy that knows just how this feels. I hope to find some support and a group to bond together through this hurdle.

[futuremom2b]

Bully ~ Yes, sitting around won't get us what we want when we are trying to build our family, but TTC again, is harder when you have suffered an MC. We waited until after the holidays to try again after our MC (which happened early Aug. w/a FET). I am so scared of it happening again, but I have to hold on to hope. I start shots on SATURDAY !

What are you thinking about as far as next steps?

I think the memory box was a great idea .

[Bullywrinkles]

Well, we go in today for a consult with the Dr. I am hoping to try natrually for a few cycles then if I need to go back on the clomid we will see. But, I will know more after we get a plan together today.

It is scary trying again. But if you got pregnant before, it can happen again. Hold out for hope baby! I know that some days I worry about having to go through this sadness again but I have to hope that if that happens, we will get through it just like we got through this. Our path to motherhood may not be easy but the reward in the end is priceless. How is your dh feeling about all of this? Mine is supportive. I will be for you and good luck with the shots tomorrow! We can do this!

[southhampton]

Lisa - I am in the same boat as you. I am scared as well. This is my 1 month to try on our own I go to RE on the 23rd for my 4th attempt at IVF. I was given a heart the day of my D&C - The card stated that came with it you will always be in my heart and that is how I feel. Best of luck this cycle.

Dre - how exciting to be getting started . Wishing you the best of luck this cycle.

Samantha

[fossie]

It is so difficult to make the decision to try again after loss, we finally got pregnant on clomid (after an ectopic) only to lose it way too soon. I was scared to death throughout my pregnancy (IVF) and when I had bleeding early on I thought it was over. It is a shame that when you have suffered a loss your pregnancy after that is never the same, you have fears and doubts that nobody who has never endured it ever has, but each passing day with a healthy pregnancy after a loss also feels like such a blessing. Good luck!

[Bullywrinkles]

Samantha,
to the club! Trying again has brought on such a wave of emotions. The sadness about the recent loss, fear of going through another loss as well as hope for a new begining and uncertainity about what is ahead for us. But I will be for you and all of us to hold on to our stregnth and courage. Best of luck to you!

Fossie,
Thanks for sharing your story and and the words of encouragement!

Dre,
How are you holding up?

I am doing well. There was a show on Oprah (corny, I know) about spirituallity that gave me a new way of thinking about my situation. The message that I took from it was that when we are in a crisis we have to look within ourselves and ask "what qualities would I need to posses in order to endure this?". I found that idea intresting because it helped me to focus on my personal growth since our loss. I can list the quailites I have had to cultivate and although I wish I never had to go through this I see how much stronger I am now. The other message I took away was "Let the old pass, because the new is going to be even better then you could have ever imagined." For me that means it is ok to let go of what happened and I will always love our angel. Despite what I had planned it is ok to let go and hope for happiness. In my heart I know that this is not the end for us and I know that we are going to be ok.

We went to the Dr. last week and have a new treatment plan together. We will be trying natrually for a few cycles and then if that does not work, back on the clomid. I also now take baby asprin and prometrium. So, now we will see. I feel so much better after going in. He also helped me with my fears about the next pregnancy by offering ultrasounds and bloodwork on request if that will help me to relax. I am hopeful right now and although it is a big step I am glad we are here. to all of you!

[MMason]

2009 is the year! I'm so hopeful for all of us!! (I have to say, since I found this site I am completely addicted, I think I've read at least 100 posts since yesterday)

We went for our 1st DR visit yesterday to talk about TTC again after our MC back in June 2008. We were both heartbroken & I didn't get a d&c and the medication they gave me to induce the mc was so traumatic, I didn't even want to think about trying again. I'm still so scared to try this again...but I know I want a family. I love your memory box idea.

Right now we are doing all the tests and I'm patiently waiting for to get started again. It took us about 7 years to get PG!! The support here is amazing, & thank u all for sharing stories!!!

[Bullywrinkles]

MMason,

to the club! I am sorry to hear that your m/c was especially difficult. It it good that you have taken time to heal your body and your heart and you now feel ready to take the next steps forward. I really hope that your test come back all good. Any time you want tot talk I am here.

[daisy2006]

I am not at all ready to start trying again, but I thought I would pop in for the support. I lost my three at 19 weeks. I went into pre-term labor w/ a dialated cervix and my membranes ruptured on one of the babies. I then developed an infection and had to deliver all three. It was very traumatic to have to go through actual labor and delivery. I don't know how I am going to get through this. I cry everyday.

I am glad to hear the memory box helped you. They have all of that waiting for me at the hospital, but I was too upset to take it. I couldn't handle seeing them after they were born and I didn't want to know if they were boys or girls. My husband saw them though and he knows. I am very torn on whether or not this will help my greiving. I miss them so much everyday. My body is a constant reminder of them. My milk is starting to come in and my belly is still swollen. I just want my body back.

I am so scared to even try again. I know I could not live through a loss like this again. You think after your 12 weeks that you're in the clear. Now I am working on getting rid of everything that reminds me of being pg.

I'm so sorry to lay this all out, but I needed to express my feelings. I wish all of you ladies the best of luck in trying again. Something good has to come out of these losses.

By the way, I loved the message that you got from that spiritual show on Oprah. I think I am going to write down the one about "letting the old pass" and hang it on my fridge as a reminder. I so glad I found this thread. I hope you all don't mind me posting even though I am not quite yet ready to try again yet. to all!!

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

Daisy, the words "I'm sorry" cannot express enough how sad I am for you. A loss like that is devestating and no one should or deserves to go through that. I wish I could make it better for you. I wish I could give you a big hug. Somedays you probably feel like you can barely take another step and somedays you probably wish you had never been pregnant in the first place. Be patient with yourself and know that time is your friend. Cry, Scream, whatever you need. What helped me most was writing letters to my sister. I never re-read them, just let it all spill and affixed the stamp. I know that most of them got misplaced in the mail but it made me feel better. If you can't just write a journal but don't have anyone to write to, feel free to personal message me and I'll send you my address. Huge hug to you

[Bullywrinkles]

Daisy,

Oh, I am truly sorry for your loss! Especially to get past the first trimester and have something like that happen is so devastating. Any time you want to talk I am here. It is ok to cry every day. You have experienced awful heartbreak and your spirit has to mend. Tears help.

It was hard for me to recover emotionally while my body was so out of whack. I know that after the D&C and the fun trip to the ER a week later I was just trying to survive physically and could not even begin to heal emotionally. I pray your body starts to heal soon. Your heart will follow.

I also put away all pregnancy reminders lurking around the house. It was too much to see the "what to expect" books, prenatal vitamins, gifts for baby, even all of the TTC stuff. It was good to have a break from all of that. Hopefully getting some space will help you out too. A lot of the "stuff" went into the memory box. DH and I finished our letters to our angel and went through it together last weekend. Putting the lid on that box was almost too much to bear. But it has helped so much to have a way to work through our grief and let go. The box sits on a table in my home office. We did not want to hide it in a closet and pretend like this had not happened. It did happen. It sucked. But, through the pain we have grown into stronger people. You too have grown. Be kind to yourself now and allow youself to deal however you see fit. Eventually you will come out the other side of this long dark tunnel and feel the light of hope. I wish you all the best right now and send a big cyber hug you way. Feel free to pm me if you like. Take Care!

[Jack&Chloe]

Hi,

I have been reading posts on all sorts of forums for months and this is the first one that I joined. and reading your stories-I probably have no reason to be so sad because I guess I don't have it that bad since I did get pregnant on my first IUI but miscarried at 8 weeks. I just did my second and have my blood test tomorrow but I really don't think it worked and it's bringing all the saddness of the miscarriage back again when I thought I was doing so much better. Anyway, just wanted to join and hope that others have been in my position and were able to remain positive becasue I am finding it really hard.

[CTdoglvrs]

Hello everyone,
I wanted to pop in and say that I totally know what you mean! I really wanted to take a big break after I lost my babies last February, but we ended up trying with my first cycle after that. I think that my body just knew that I wasn't ready mentally to handle it yet... so finally now, almost a year later, I am pregnant again. I am so scared that I am going to wake up one night and feel the same feeling I did when I miscarried my angels... Every little feeling of discharge coming out (sorry TMI) makes me wonder - is that blood, or amniotic fluid, or what??

I feel like it is a bit like PTSD, where you really are traumatized by what happened, and feel like nothing could possibly go right for you!

Daisy- I especially wanted to write to you because although my situation was a little bit different, and a few weeks earlier. Your description of what you were going through and the labor really mirrored everything that we went through at the time- even waiting for delivery or infection and deciding whether to stay or go home and wait. It is so hard to have something bad happen to one, and then wonder and hope about the rest of them - and even that one. It seems like the "dragging" out of everything just makes it worse! You have been in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you find comfort knowing that even though the pain doesn't go away completely, it does get easier as the days go by. Take comfort in your husband and really take time each day to do something for yourself.

[daisy2006]

Jenn, when I responded to your pm I didn't realize you were pg again. Congratulations!!! I will be praying that everything goes wonderfully for you.

I know what you mean about he PTSD. It's very early for me to even be thinking about trying again, but I just can't help it. I know I want to try again, but I am worried to death that something like that will happen again. I could never make it through.

That far along, we were so excited and this weekend was going to be my shower. My mother in law and my mom had to tell everyone what happened when they were calling to rsvp for the shower. That kills me when I think about it. Some things I'm just better off not knowing. I wish my mother in law would have kept that bit of info to herself. I just didn't need to hear it.

[Bullywrinkles]

Daisy,

Oh man, you are right, MIL probably should have kept that to herself. I am so sorry you have to deal with that on top of everything else right now. sweetie! Hang in there. She probably said that because she did not want you to worry about telling all the guests. But, it could have been handled much better. This weekend sounds like it will be a tough one. Maybe you and DH can go out and do something special. It may help, just to get out. I will be thinking of you and you get though this ok.