[hope223]

Hi Ladies,

I just had my 3rd miscarriage last week and I don't know if I should ttc again or not.

I turned 40 in November and although I don't feel anywhere near that number, apparently my eggs do.

I still have the absolute desire for a child and would be willing to go through whatever meds/procedures I would have to do to get pregnant, but I just don't know if there would be any point.

My 1st m/c was caused due to my appendix rupturing...4 doctors have stated that. The 2nd m/c was my 1st IVF and were twins...just stopped developing around the 6.5 week mark. My 3rd and last m/c was my 3rd IVF and it also stopped developing around the 6.5 week mark. My RE feels that it's most likely a chromasonal issue (he also tells me I'm old everytime I see him). The products of conception (hate that term) were sent out for genetic testing this time but will take a couple of months to get the results back.

Both my IVF's resulted in Grade 1/8cell embryos being transfered so that's a good thing, however, my RE states that even at that grade, 60% of them (day 3)are abnormal. So, really, the odds are not that great right?

He did speak to me about doner eggs but my DH doesn't want to do that and adoption could take many years and I don't honestly want to be 45 and receiving a newborn (just my personal feeling).

It's so hard to know what to do.
Anyone with any advice?
Thanks.

[southhampton]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I am not sure I can offer much advise. I don't like that the Re keeps calling you old though. Is there any way that you can do PGD? Best of luck with what ever decision you make.
Samantha

[Bullywrinkles]

My heart goes out to you! I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I had advice for you. All I can offer is a and wish you peace in whatever decision you make.

[MMason]

I think if you feel like you still want a baby, you should still try....but if you don't feel like you can go through everything again....MAN I don't even think I can give advice on this one. I'm having a hard time after my 1st mc. I guess you need to follow whatever your heart is telling you. All I can say is that I wish you the best in whatever decision you make.

If you are considering adoption what about not trying for a newborn? My aunt was actually told she couldn't have anymore children when she was trying & at the age of about 43, BOOM...healthy baby girl. You never know what could happen.

~Melissa

[Saschia]

I say never give up... if it is what you really want never give up on your dreams..

[curiousgirl]

I think if you have it in you emotionally and physically to go through another IVF it is worth a shot. You may want to ask your RE to order genetic testing for you and your DH to rule out chromosomal issues for both of you, in addition to the other testing they are doing.

[jenedens6102]

I agree that you shouldn't give up. One thing I'd suggest if they think it may be due to chromosomal anamoly is to either #1 have karyotype testing done on both you and your husband and/or #2 doing PGD with your IVF. On another note, adoption doesn't always take "years." Some agencies can get the ball rolling and in most cases, not all, try and get a baby placed with you within one year. My suggestion on either end is to continue to do your research, be your own biggest advocate and know that someday you will be a mom!

[janet2]

I'm new here but I have to tell you that I got pregnant at 39 (delivered the day before I turned 40). My little boy was a honeymoon baby and I believe that it happened because I was not thinking about fertility and old eggs but just enjoyed my new husband and my happy life. Now, having said that, I tried to get pregnant when my little guy was about 2-1/2 and no luck. I was approved for IVF and then it was cancelled because of my high FSH. I think it was 21. We talked about donor eggs and adoption and then just finally decided to forget about it and be happy with our lives just the way we were and then poof...at 45 years old, I got pregnant. No stress, no fertility, no nothing...so I'm here to say...YOUR NOT TOO OLD. It does happen. Be healthy, take care of yourself and believe that dreams can come true. I wish you the best and good luck!!

[WorldsGreatestAunt]

First of all I am so sorry for your losses, huge cyber hug to you

Second, I think you should give it one more try. Your first m/c was due to the appendix and thus shouldn't factor into the "3 m/c's = problem." Thus, you've only had 2 questioned m/c's and the statistics are that a person who has had one or two m/c's has no higher rate of having a 3rd that a person who has had zero. With 2 m/c's the chances are more than not that its chromosonal and that you'll go on to have a successful pregnancy.

I just really get the feeling from your post that you're not ready to move on yet. Goodluck to you and I hope to see you in a differnt thread soon in the future.

[HorseyLover]

I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you

I totally agree that you are not too old!! You are only as old as you feel - and it sounds like you feel like you are 30! And it actually makes me really mad that your Dr keeps telling you that you are old! Doesn't he understand that this whole process is a mind game - tell him to stop it already!

I have a few friends at work who have been very supportive to me. Both of them conceived through IVF at the age of 43. One of them had unexplained infertility and the other had PCOS. my friend who has unexplained infertility - it took her 12 times to get preggo. Can you imagine! But, she fought for it. She was going to give up after the 12th - but then it happened. I also know many people who have had multiple m/c's and gone on to have healthy children.

I guess what I'm trying to say is - don't give up if you don't want to. Don't let anyone else make you think that you should give up. It's up to you. maybe start looking into adoption to get the ball rolling - this way - if you decide you want to go that route - you are ready. i know people who are still TTC - but have gotten approved for adoption so that they are ready when the time comes - if it comes.

Good luck!

[Starflower]

I am so sorry to read about your losses, I know how painful and discouraging it is when you really want a child. My heart goes out to you...

If you and your partner can handle it emotionally and financially, I would recommend to KEEP TRYING!!!

+ the fact that you are getting pregnant is excellent i.e. you know that all the "parts" work

+ the early m/c are likely chromosonal...something going wrong at implantation (same as what what happening to me). My specialist told me that these early miscarriages do not really affect your chances of a successful outcome as they are so common.

+ having gone through 3 early miscarriages in a row myself prior to this pregnancy and not throwing in the towel (I am now 28+ weeks and everything looks great)...I KNOW there is still an excellent chance that it will work for you...and from my perspective, the more times your roll the dice, the better odds of it working.

Try and stay positive and I will be keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!!

[TTCAnAngel]

Hi Hope- Im so sorry to hear about your losses- I know that is devistating. I lost 1 with my very 1st pregnancy and i Have no other kids- we are trying again now- I am letting God handle it he is in control. We decided to not get any other type of assistance other than natural if it is the Lords will it will happen when he wants not when I want. I will keep you and others in this situation in my prayers. Keep the faith! God is in control.

[lewlou]

If the the RE is'nt pushing you to donor eggs then there is hope. They like success rates, so if your fsh was to high they would tell you. What is your fsh? You could seek a second opinion, my fsh was too high at 39, I am 41 and going for the a second round with donor eggs. First try failed, it took some time to recover. here I go again. Do what is best for you. Remember if you are going to use your own eggs, decide soon