[milliondpi]

After the recent loss of our first baby, I have a lot of questions on my mind (among a lot of other feelings, a lot of you surely understand).

My husband and I found ourselves miraculously pregnant after trying (naturally) for 4 years. We never tried not to get pregnant during our entire marriage (since Oct 2004). I have irregular periods and he has a slightly low and slow sperm count. We never went in for extensive testing beyond the sperm count due to insurance issues. Actually, I'd gotten so used to assuming it'd never happen, we were completely surprised and delighted to find ourselves pregnant in November of 2008.

I had some early bleeding, at 8 weeks but otherwise a normal pregnancy. Our daughter was growing very well inside me. Suddenly, at 26 weeks, I felt immensily bloated for a day or so and then had some funky discharge. My Dr actually told me it was just the change in mucus that comes with transitioning into the 3rd trimester and to come in if the discharge "got greener". (no joke!) Well, late that night, I had contractions and was nearly 5 centimeters dialtated upon arriving at the hospital. They were able to delay my labor long enough to find I had an intra-amniotic infection and would have no choice but to give birth due to the risk of losing both mom and baby.

So our baby Daphne was born on April 30th, 2009. She was only 26 weeks and 1 day gestational age, but she came out crying and squirming and looking perfect!! Sadly, the next day, they discovered the rest of her body was so strong but her brain wasn't ready and due to a massive level 4 brain bleed we were left to decide to keep her in a vegitative state her whole life or let her go. So in all the horror and sadness, I thank God my husband and I could hold her and kiss her and be her parents for just a little while.

Now, of course I have the emotions to deal with. Hopefully some of you ladies probably understand I am not trying to replace her at all by wanting to try again. How could I?! But I don't want to give up. what I am writing about, is to ask -

- after taking so long to make her, should I assume it will take just as long to make baby #2? should I get ready to buy ovualtion kits? I have irregular periods so never really know when I ovulate. We concieved 21-25 days after the first day of my period, if that tells you anything...??

- having this premature labor due to intra amniotic infection, will it affect my future pregnancies?

- I've yet to have my post partum appointment, so I'm not even begining to try again until the Dr says so... But - has anyone else had a similar experience or know of anyone who was sucessful afterwards?

This is a terrible experience. I don't want to feel sorry for myself but can't help feeling like I let my baby down. I have no idea how I got the infection (Dr says I probably will never know) but I know I loved her dearly and was a super careful mom to be!! If anyone has ever gone through this or ever does, my heart is with you for it sure is one of those things you can never be prepared for.

[hopin4baby]

Million, I am so sorry for your lost. No mother should go through this. Last year I was pregnant with Triplet with the help of meds. We had tried for 4 and half years with no help. I had my Trio at 23 weeks. We lost our first baby boy 12hours after birth, our second child was with us for 6 days and our baby girl was with us for 3 weeks. Our dr tolds that we should go on bcp to help recover from the birth one vaginal and a c section in the spanned of 24 hours. We decided not we thought it was not going to happen. I also have irregular cycles and no ovulation. I started taking Chastee berry in liquid form for three month just trying to regulate me. 4 months later i was pregnant with no medical help at all. its all up too you when you and your dh are ready to start ttc again. I wanted to wait at least 6 months to start meds again but time had something else plan for us. In no way shape or form will we ever replace our precious children with their brothers or sisters. hopefully i will deliver Jayden in the next month or so . good luck and we are here for you.

[greentrio]

I am so sorry for your loss. I wish I could take away the pain that you are going through right now. It is devastating. Give yourself time to heal and remember your baby.

I have not had an intrauterine infection but have had both early and late pregnancy losses. Tying again seemed scary and overwhelming. You never look at pregnancy again with the awe and wonder that you did in the beginning.

It sounds like your OB feels that this is an individual occurrence which is good. I know that I found comfort in going to a high risk OB after my losses. This helped me both psychologically and physically. I was monitored very closely. I feel fortunate to have gone on to have 3 healthy children after this. I remember family members trying to dissuade me from getting pregnant again to spare me additional pain. They had the best of intentions but sometimes loved ones' words hurt.

I think you should try again when you and your doctor feel you are ready. Maybe you could consult an RE since you mentioned it took you 4 years before as well as a high risk OB later to see if you should have any work-up regarding the infection.

Remember that you are not alone, no matter how alone you are feeling right now.

So sorry...

[~Twilight~]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[kristyr41982]

I am so sorry for your loss. I don't really have any answers for you, but I understand your desire to try again. Good luck and I hope it happens quickly for you.

[Cathi025]

Million, I am soooo Sorry for you loss . Unfortunately I also know your pain. I delivered triplets last year one at 22weeks and the other two at 25w5d. They were born due to an infection I contracted while in the hospital. I lost one son at birth, one son at 10 days due to grade 4 brain bleeds. My daughter lived for 18 days, but passed because of kidney failure. I had there funeral December 5th.

I recommend seeing a therapist, It really helps. My OB also wanted me to wait 6 months before getting pregnent again, Well with waiting and getting healthy again, We did fozen embyo transfer and I am 7 1/2 weeks pregnent with a singleton, So yes it is possible. and right now the only thing you prob, want is to be opregnant again, I remember having those same fellings, Just give your self enough time to physically and emotionally heal. I will attach my blog from the journey with the triplets and how I dealt with a lot of things, It might help you knowing you are not alone...If you need anything I am here for you. Cathi
www. havingtriplets.blogspot.com