[holdingmybreath]

I wanted to see if there is anyone out there who has experienced a loss who is gearing up to do an IVF or FET this spring? I've got my appt set for March 8th with my new RE, after this we will have the plan for going forward. I'm scared and excited and feeling so many mixed emotions.

So if there is anyone else getting ready to do a cycle, I thought it might be good to be cycle buddies. Anyhow, hope some are going to be going with this with me

[ejinga]

HMB -

I will likely be doing an FET over the next couple of months or in the spring . As you can see from my sig, we have done three IVF cycles, two unsuccessful w/ my eggs and one successful on our first try w/ donor eggs, which is currently ending in miscarriage (I go for D&C next week).

I'm hopeful that this is just an anomoly, a chromosomal issue that will not reappear. My donor does have healthy children of her own. But I fear there is some undiagnosed issue w/ my husband's sperm that will affect all of the embryos we have.

[holdingmybreath]

ejinga - I'm so sorry you are going through this right now. I was starting to think I was going to be doing this on my own.

Make sure to take the time and grieve. I wish I could come through and give you a hug. This sucks!

Don't get discouraged about the eggs, this is a hard thing to go through and like you said your donor has three kids.

I am going to be going to the doctor's on March 8th, I am hoping that we are able to do a procedure starting my next period. We will see what the doctor suggests and/or decides. I'm scared and excited all at the same time.

Jenn

[ejinga]

Jenn,

I'm weirdly ok. I mean, I'm sad and angry that it ended this way, but I'm not devastated because we have seven embies in the freezer. I have to believe that at least one of them will become our baby. I mean, so many people have miscarriages and go on to have healthy babies, there's no reason to think that this situation is different just b/c of the donor eggs. If they were my eggs, this would be like having a miscarriage after one IVF try, and tons of people do that and go on to have healthy babies.

I wish we could do a new transfer tomorrow. The clock is my enemy; I'm a little obsessed with my age at this point.

btw, you mentioned your new RE - what made you switch to someone else? was it a hard decision?

E

[holdingmybreath]

You have a great attitude! I understand about freaking out about your age! I'm not freaking out about my eggs and quality, but I once wanted four kiddos and with each passing year I'm like, um maybe I don't have the energy for more than one. I seriously thought this part of my life would have been over about 6 or 7 years ago. I'm 35 and hubby is 45.

Why did I change? Well the short story is that our RE was over 3 hours away and we want to try someone closer. The long story is I had bad feelings about the RE from the beginning. When we moved clear across the country I asked my original RE for a recommendation. We figured living in MA the best thing would be a RE in Boston. He gave me a recommendation and we went to see her. I didn't like her from the beginning but because of the recommendation and because I was OVERLY anxious to get pregnant (and I thought since we only have male factor we would get preggers quickly), so we stayed with her. After the first IVF I should have left then, but again REALLY wanted to be pregnant and I will stand up for myself if I think something is wrong, so I stayed with her. After the second one again, we should have changed, but stayed. After awhile we started feeling like there was a problem with the lab as well as the doctor, so we decided after your last IVF we were changing doctors. We only did the FET to get our embies out of their lab and move on with a fresh start with our new RE. Well fortunately we got preggers with the FET and that is AWESOME! We didn't change then because we were preggers, but starting now with this IVF we are trying out a new RE. We will see how I feel with her on March 8th. I'm anxious and scared all at the same time. If she doesn't work out then we are back to going to Boston 3 hours away for treatments. I wish we could go to Albany, NY that is only 45 mins from us and would be nice, but I don't think our insurance pays outside of Massachusetts. Anyhow, that's the long story. I would definately go with your gut though if you feel like you should change doctors you should!

[arborbaby12]

Hi ladies! First I'd like to say that I'm sorry for both of your losses. And I'd like to be one of your cycle buddies. I just had a miscarriage last week, and am now anxiously waiting to get the process started again. I had bloodwork Fri, and looks like my hcg is dropping, which is a good sign. I really did not want to have to do a d&c. I'm so tired of people being in my vagina. Does that make sense? All the transvaginal ultra sounds, the egg retrievel process, getting ready for the FET process. The process of IVF can be very invasive. Sometimes I just feel like nothing is private anymore. Sorry, got off track. Anyway, I will be starting the FET process again once I get my period. I wish the process wasn't so long, like ejinga, Im a little obessed with my age and want to get this baby thing going!! Ejinga, have you miscarried yet? Or are you going for a d&c? Jenn- i can't even imagine what you went thru back in 2009, so sorry. Sending lots of baby dust and hugs! Here's to a successful FET within the next couple of months!

[holdingmybreath]

Welcome Arborbaby, I wish I didn't have to welcome you, but at the same time I am excited to have some ladies going through this with me that understand my crazy a little bit. A FET is a bit easier. I can understand what you mean about having enough people in your "personal business" I got tired if it too. I wish I could just do a FET, but we are doing a full fledge IVF. I am not complaining I excited to have this opportunity again.

[ejinga]

Hey ArborBaby - welcome. I always feel like infertility is the club nobody wants to belong to, and so in a way we who have experienced pregnancy loss are the club nobody wants to belong to within that. So Welcome! Go Team!

"I am so tired of people being in my vagina." HA!!! that is hilarious - you made my day. and I totally identify with that. We were all sitting around talking at my doc's office after my ultrasound on Friday and he finally said something about letting me get dressed, and I said well I have more questions. He just looked at me and was like - don't you want to get dressed and finish this in my office? I said oh well, I guess, but at this point I'm very comfortable sitting around naked talking to all of you. so weird. it's time to regain some modesty!

I have not miscarried yet. We went to the doc on Friday for the followup after not seeing a heartbeat the week before. We had planned to do the D&C but I was nervous about it. After seeing how little tissue there was present, and I could not decide what to do, he gave me an Rx for painkillers and sent me home. I had continued to take all the progesterone and estrogen that I was on while pregnant, so I stopped those. We'll wait and see if I miscarry on my own. If by Thursday I have not, I'll go back to the doc (he's about 2.5 hrs away) and he'll insert some vaginal meds and give me another Rx to jumpstart the miscarriage.

so, what should I expect? I'm nervous but I feel like I can deal with the pain, and it's worth it to preserve what little fertility I have.

HMB - I hope you like your new RE! I do not like my regular gyn doc,and when I get preg I will be switching to someone else. I know that is a scary situation and I wish you the best.

I am sorry that y'all have both been thru losses, but I am so glad to have this board. It's nice to have folks to talk to who have the special concerns we do.

Hope y'all are both having a great Superbowl Sunday.

[arborbaby12]

Ejinga- thanks for the welcome to the club that no one wants to be a part of! I'm sorry you're in the waiting period for m/c. This was my first m/c and I was terrified of what it was going to be like. I had read so many horror stories, I had to stop googling! (Sometimes I am my worst enemy!)But mine wasn't that bad. I stopped the meds on Fri, started spotting Sat and Sun morning had terrible cramps, they came in waves. I was bleeding, but nothing crazy like I had read. I was brought to tears, but it was a mixture of the pain and the fact that I was losing my baby. But my cramps slowed down after a few hours, and by 8pm Sun night, I passed what I think was the gestional sac. Then I've just been spotting ever since. So, if you are reading all the m/c stories, try to remember that every woman's experience is different. I had my blood checked Fri, I was there a week before, and I went from 2800 to 86. I'm dropping, so she doesn't think I'll need a d&c. I'll get checked again this Fri to make sure my numbers are still dropping. My dr preferred me to m/c naturally if possible. Do what you feel is right for you and what you are comfortable with. I didn't want a D&C, so I was happy to m/c naturally. Hang in there, keep us posted with updates.

[arborbaby12]

Jenn-thanks for the welcome! I can't believe you've done IVF 4 times! You are a champ. I hated the egg retrievel part, I was so uncomfortable, and I said I would never do that process again. So I'm very thankful that we have 2 more chances with FET before our eggs are gone. So you haven't done anything since 2009? Well welcome back to the IVF cycle of meds and fun! Good luck with the new RE. Keep us updated!!

[holdingmybreath]

arborbaby12 and ejinga, I was just checking in to see how you both are doing. I know sometimes it can be hard this part, waiting and grieving.

I'm doing alright! I'm frustrated about how long it is taking to get the cycle started, but that is because I was ready like a year ago. I've been working out. My body is sore from all the weight training, but I'm hoping to loss some weight before the actual cycle takes place.

I hope you guys are doing good. I want send you my

Jenn

[MyssThang]

Hello ladies, you can add me to that same list of us who are going to jump on the saddle and try to ride again. I have a mixed bag of feelings rights now, but I am going to keep the faith that something positive will happen for each of us, resulting in the birth of healthy babies! I look forward to talking to each of you as we once again begin this journey!

[arborbaby12]

Hello ladies, welcome myssthang to our club of the waiting game. I just wanted to check in on everyone and see how everyone is feeling. Ejinga, I noticed you changed your signature, and that you m/c or had a d&c on 2/7. So sorry, I hope you are doing ok and that things went smoothly. Jenn, I understand the frustration with waiting. You've got about a month to go right? Hopefully the time goes by quickly and this new RE is a good one. I was just at the dr on Fri again for bloodwork, hcg is 8.7, so almost to a zero. I think once it hits zero, my period will come? Anyone know if that is right? I guess once it comes, I'll start BCP's and then the process begins. I'm nervous about going through this again and not having a happy outcome. But I'm trying to stay positive, we've got 4 more eggs, at one has to be my baby right? Myssthang, are you gearing up for IVF again? I noticed that you transfered your last 2 embies. When are you starting? Positive thoughts ladies, this time will be our time to become moms!!

[holdingmybreath]

Welcome Myssthang! I'm sorry to have you join our group, but I'm also glad to have someone else who might understand my crazy.

arborbaby12 - I'm not sure if that is how it will happen. What has the RE told you? Yeah I have about two/three weeks until we meet the new RE on the 8th of March. Then we are hoping with my March period we will start, it will all depend on what tests the RE wants to perform and when they can get done. If they can't get done fast enough then it will be in April that we start the bcp's. So we'll see what the doctor has in mind when we meet with her.

I'm looking forward to another week of exercise and eating right. I lost a pound this week and that's exciting. I hope everyone is doing well.

Ejinga I'm sending you my I hope you are holding up, but if not don't get upset at yourself! It's ok to cry and it's ok to feel sad! We hope you are doing good!

Jenn

[ejinga]

Welcome new folks! I hope this will be a supportive place for you as we all gear up to get on that roller-coaster yet again.

AFM - I'll be honest, y'all, I'm really struggling. I elected to have a natural miscarriage and having been dealing w/ that over the past week. I have not missed a single day of work, but now that it's pretty much over I just want to run away. I'm considering asking for some time off, tho it would be not very good timing on my part. I come to work bc if I stay home I know i will be depressed, but I'm barely getting anything done here. My coworkers know but either don't know what to say or are tired of me being less than my usual upbeat self. It's amazing to me how little patience most people have for other people's pain.

so, sorry to be debbie downer. i know I will get through this but it's hard to know how to do it. Maybe I just need a little more time.