[Angelwithhope]

Well I'm sure that some have read by now that we're pregnant after our sweet Bean's loss in December and I feel like...our pregnancy innocence has been stolen from us! Today has been the hardest day thus far and I feel them only getting harder as I approach eight weeks, the number of weeks at which I miscarried Bean.

I'm afraid every time I go to the washroom....will I see blood on the TP?

I'm afraid every time I sneeze! Yes sneeze...even when I cough!! And sometimes when I laugh!! I'm driving myself nuts and I know I shouldn't! I know I should be trying to remain as calm as possible and this is me as CALM A-S P-O-S-S-I-B-L-E. I know I'm not calm enough, but how do I be calm when I just don't trust my body!

If it failed me once before why shouldn't it do it to me again!? I'm going nuts!! I just want my pregnancy innocence BACK!

Every time I cramp or feel stretching I hold my breath and think OMG it's happening again!

I just want my pregnancy innocence back!

[MaggieMoo]

Shawna - I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from. Going through a loss is hard enough. But when the miracle of being pregnant again happens, it seems as though we have to hold all of our emotions in because we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. I lost my little one at 7 weeks. When I became pregnant again, I was always cautious and just like you...I was always checking to see if there was blood. Once I got past the 7th week, I felt really releaved. But the "freaking out" didn't start to go away until around 10-12 weeks. I still think about the little bean that I lost and when the due date came around I was very sad but knew that it just wasn't meant to be at that time. It was more dificult since I wasn't pregnant at the time but I believed that one day I would get my chance again. We are all robbed of our "innocence" after a loss and it's hard to get that back, if we ever do. But we have to work through that. That is what makes us stronger during the tough times.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you have a happy and healthy pregnancy.

[Lola]

Hi Angelwithhope, I am so sorry you are going through this. Please try to relax and enjoy your pregnancy. I completely understand your fear. However, try not to be captive to fear it will only steal your joy. Take care and CONGRATULATIONS!! Your time has come.

[pearlsofia]

Shawna,

i'm so sorry i don't know how i missed that you got preggo again. First of all, that's awesome!!!!!

i know we miscarried around the same days. i'm not preggo yet but i'm sure it must be really hard to keep sane through it again. all i can say is put your trust in the lord and everything will be fine.

take care of yourself. keep us posted on your beta

[jenedens6102]

Congratulations Shawna, I'm very excited for you. I can only imagine how you are feeling right now. I know that I'm not pregnant again yet I do fear what it will be like should I conceive again. Am I going to play the what if game again, am I going to be paranoid every minute of every day until I get beyond my 6 weeks 1 day, am I going to request the repeat betas like before, all of that. But one thing I've vowed to do is to enjoy every precious minute, it is a gift - a beautiful blessing to conceive out a child out of love while looking to the future. Our days are borrowed from God, no one knows the number of their days so enjoy each day, each minute of every hour and be blessed.

[jencat215]

Shawna-

Seems like you got my feelings down to a T. I have had 2 m/c's. With the second one I never thought it would happen! Now I am pg again and I am a wreck. I never got to see a heartbeat, so this time that is my hurdle. I want to be able to enjoy every minute of my pregnancy, but it is hard to relax. But this time I have something I didn't have last time- this forum. I wish I could say it will get easier- but even after our children are born we will worry, childhood diseases, bad people, dating, driving, etc.!!!

Talking about my fears here helps. I won't tell my friends and family until we get further along, so this is my only outlet. I hope talking to us helps you a little too.

[Angelwithhope]

Thanks Everyone!! Your words all mean so much to me! I was having a hard time sleeping through the night before as with Bean I awoke very early in the morning with terriable cramping and bleeding and my subconcious is waking me up at the same times! I hate it, I jsut want to sleep!

I will for sure be leaning on all you wonderful ladies right here!! Thanks again for all the encouragement!

[ara79]

shawna~
first of all...CONGRATS GIRLFRIEND!!! second of all, your feelings are completley understandable. this is a tought time for you, as i know when my time comes to get pregnant again, i too will probably be the same way. hang in there, trust in god, lean on us for support and stay positive!
amy

[jenedens6102]

You can lean on us as much as you want - as often or as little as necessary. We are here for you. Take it one day at a time and love this new bean with all you've got. Keep us posted along the way.

[Angelwithhope]

You ladies are so sweet!! I love that about you all!! Thank you so much for the encouraging words, I will definately not be going anywhere!! I appreciate what you all say, no one in life knows better then those who are experiencing IF.

[mom4kitties]

I can only imagine the fear that you are experiencing. Like the others, I have thought about the anxiety next time and it terrifies me. Isn't it crazy what we all put ourselves through for one precious little baby? Oh well, it's well worth it in the end. Try to relax and enjoy because you're going to be a mommy!!

[Angelwithhope]

I am nervous, tomorrow is my first appt and I'm so afraid my doctor is going to say to me, what are you nuts? You;re not pregnant! I dont know why but I just feel this way! I want this so bad but I'm soooo scared! Wish us luck tomorrow!

[sarah16]

Congrats on your BFP. I hope your doct appt goes great!

[Angelwithhope]

Originally Posted by sarah16

Congrats on your BFP. I hope your doct appt goes great!

Thank you!!

Well today is the big day. I'm nervous, I want everything to be alright!! Anyways, here's hoping for great beta numbers that don't take forever to get back! Have a great day everyone!!

[pearlsofia]

Good luck Shawna .. can't wait to hear your beta