Family Forums
Parenting Forums
Pregnancy Forums
Adoption Forums
Fertility Forums

Click Here to Learn More


Register FAQ Members List Today's Posts Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Forum Categories
User Name
Password

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 01-30-2008, 03:54 PM
wannabigbabybelly's Avatar
wannabigbabybelly wannabigbabybelly is online now
TTC with PCOS
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,534
Scared...about falling apart...if it's a BFN

I can't tell you how excited and happy I am that I actually ovualted on my own and that we might actualy have a chance...

But I'm scared...

Scared that we might not get our
Scared that if we do get our wether it too will end in a miscarriage.

Scared because that particular week after we find out...has always been very difficult for me anyways...with my oldest daughters birthday...and all we've been through with her adoption...and our rocky relationship with her birthmom...and my own feelings regarding infertility. For some reason I always break down right before her birthday....

Now on top of that..I have the loss of our first pregnancy that would have been due that same week..and not sure how I'm going to feel about that...knowing our sweet baby could have been in our arms..and is not.

and then getting my hopes up that this natural cycle might be a and then finding out it's not...

I'm just afraid if it's not a I might hit rock bottom. I'm trying to work through some of those feelings now...so they won't creep up on me..but I'm scared.

I want this to be a so BBBBBAAAAAADDDDD!!! To help keep my mind off the other stuff and keep me thinking positive and hopeful.
__________________

Reply With Quote
   
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 01-30-2008, 08:12 PM
designdiva32's Avatar
designdiva32 designdiva32 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,020
Jessica hun. No matter the outcome...you don't need to worry about falling. We are all here to catch you and you are not doing this alone. I know I'll be hoping and praying you get your bfp this cycle and that it is sticky...sticky...sticky!!
__________________
Alana

ME: 34 RPL
DH: 38 Very low morphology
TTC: Since Aug 2006

M/C # 1 - June 07 - 6 1/2 weeks
M/C # 2 - Oct 07 - 5 1/2 weeks - trisomy

BFP January 08 (feeling very very nervous!)
07/09/08 - SCHEDULED INDUCTION
Born at 8pm on September 7th weighing 6 pounds 3 ounces
Reed Alexander has arrived!


www.totsites.com/tot/lynchmob


http://alanaandmatt.blogspot.com



Mummy to three furbabies:
Two Fat Spaniels
One Feral Cat





Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2008, 07:07 AM
CryingInside's Avatar
CryingInside CryingInside is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 2,138
If you do fall apart we will be picking up the pieces...just like humpty dumpty's men!

Seriously though, I understand what you mean about feeling so scared of the outcome. Either way it comes out, you know that you are a strong woman that will be okay! We are hear for you either way!
__________________


Stephanie 27
DH 27
TTC-actively 3 years, not-not trying (hehe) 5 years before that.
HSG-10/05 normal.
LAP-10/05 endo (Stage III or IV), fibroids & polyps in uterus, and a cyst on left ovary-all removed.
Pacemaker-08/06
LAP/Hysteroscopy-03/08 endo removed, tubes flushed, D & C. No fibroids, polyps, or cysts!
  • 4 clomid cycles (2 w/ IUI)
  • 4 injectible cycles (Femara 5mg & Follistim 75IU 2 times, 100IU 2 times, all w/ IUI)
Currently-
Dh wants to stay child-free for the long haul. I do not. On a break that I hope isn't permanent.

07/09-After 2-3 months of irregular cycles diagnosed with PCOS. Now 3 months of provera to regulate.

www.myspace.com/stephaniehorst

http://stephaniehorst.blogspot.com/
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2008, 07:36 AM
lovingwife's Avatar
lovingwife lovingwife is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,311
I know it's scary after a miscarriage. Those "anniversary" dates are the worst. I was a wreck on what would have been my due date. Let yourself grieve, cry, vent and we'll just hope that you get that bfp!!!!!!!!! Personally, I felt better after I got past the due date. I had been dreading it since the miscarriage and the fact that we hadn't gotten a bfp yet was so depressing.

You're allowed to be scared. Try to have fun celebrating DDs b-day. Do something extra special.

Come on bfp!!
__________________
Me: 36 - stage 2 endo
DH: 37 - perfect

TTC 2 years

10/24/06 +hpt
11/29/06 missed m/c-D & C

10/25/07 first visit to RE
10/30/07 HSG-tubes are clear
3/4/08 lap-found and removed stage 2 endo
5/08-IUI w/clomid and injectables. Didn't need to--->
4/26/08- on hpt!!! Natural Cycle
4/28/08-1st Beta 15 dpo-516!
4/30/08-2nd Beta 17 dpo-1286! Grow baby grow!
5/14/08-1st U/S-one perfect heartbeat!
5/21/08-2nd U/S-baby measuring on schedule!
7/28/08-Level II ultrasound-It's a
GIRL!!!

TTC #2 since July '09 - naturally for now.






Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2008, 05:43 PM
Jacklyn's Avatar
Jacklyn Jacklyn is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 451
I know its all very scary, but hang in there. Hoping for the best for you
__________________
Jacklyn

me 35
dh 37
ttc 6 years
Unexplained Infertility
5 clomid cycles
3 failed IUIs
Have tried acupuncture
1 failed IVF
Praying that God will work a miracle for us.
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 01-31-2008, 05:49 PM
ara79's Avatar
ara79 ara79 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,192
Jessica,
Take one day at a time. We're here for you hun.
__________________





TTC #1 for 2.5+ years
ME: (Amy) 28, tubal damage
DH: (Chris) 30, perfect!
3 IUI cycles cancelled due to a # of problems & 1 cycle resulting in BFN
1/12 BFP on natural cycle,ectopic pregnancy ended 1/23/07
1st IVF:
2/7- ER- 17 eggies!!
2/10-ET 2 8-cell
6dp3dt, 7dp3dt hpt= God is so good!
Betas: 2/22= 170, 2/25= 499, 2/29=2857
1st u/s 3/13 (My wedding anniversary!) 140 BEAUTIFUL bpm!
2nd u/s 3/27 - WOW! The growth is amazing! 182 bpm
U/S 5/27/08 GO TEAM BLUE!!!
OMG THEY WERE WRONG! We've switched teams...we're now THINKING PINK!!!


Going for baby #2!
FET October 6th - BFN
I realize I'm blessed beyond measure, and I have tons of faith that God has more blessings in store for me...gotta keep on trying!

My Etsy store:
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7002529
Reply With Quote
  #7 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2008, 10:43 AM
wannabigbabybelly's Avatar
wannabigbabybelly wannabigbabybelly is online now
TTC with PCOS
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,534
UHG...I can feel it coming on...

I tested again today 13dpo and it was a . I thought it would be since I've had bleeding/spotting for the last two days...but it was dark brown in color mixed with some pink....not really red/pink like it would normally be...I was it was just implantation bleeding...but NOPE...it's the real thing.

I'm trying not to think about it...but it's all i have on my mind...thinking..."It's OVER...It's official...It's definatley a BFN this month (my first time I've ever ovulated on my own)." I had hoped this would be some miracle baby...sent just in time of when my other baby was about to be due...but it's not.

Now I feel stuck in the middle of nowhere...I wish I could at least be doing something....that I could start my next medicated cycle tomorrow...but I can't for another month...my doctor won't allow us to...we have to have 2 full cycles after a miscarriage before trying again.

I feel on the verge of tears...and I've been snapping all day at my husband and my kids ...I just don't have the patience today.

We're suppsed to leave in about an hour to go to chuck-e-cheese for a friends birthday party...but I just feel like crawling up on the couch with my big comfy blanket and being alone.(which i know I can't do...life goes on and my kids/family need me).

Why does this have to be sooo hard.

Why couldn't my baby just be in my arms next week? I see all the beautiful pictures of the babies that were due right around the time mine was due and it just makes that loss that much more real.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #8 (permalink)  
Old 02-09-2008, 10:51 AM
ara79's Avatar
ara79 ara79 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 6,192
oh hun, i am so sorry. just think, your body is beginning to ovulate on it's own and that is good news! let's pray that it continues to do that and you will get your BFP! as i said earlier, please take it one day at a time. when we get too caught up in what we are going to do next it can be overwhelming. take time to grieve and then put your game face on and try again! all these struggles will make you a better mother!
__________________





TTC #1 for 2.5+ years
ME: (Amy) 28, tubal damage
DH: (Chris) 30, perfect!
3 IUI cycles cancelled due to a # of problems & 1 cycle resulting in BFN
1/12 BFP on natural cycle,ectopic pregnancy ended 1/23/07
1st IVF:
2/7- ER- 17 eggies!!
2/10-ET 2 8-cell
6dp3dt, 7dp3dt hpt= God is so good!
Betas: 2/22= 170, 2/25= 499, 2/29=2857
1st u/s 3/13 (My wedding anniversary!) 140 BEAUTIFUL bpm!
2nd u/s 3/27 - WOW! The growth is amazing! 182 bpm
U/S 5/27/08 GO TEAM BLUE!!!
OMG THEY WERE WRONG! We've switched teams...we're now THINKING PINK!!!


Going for baby #2!
FET October 6th - BFN
I realize I'm blessed beyond measure, and I have tons of faith that God has more blessings in store for me...gotta keep on trying!

My Etsy store:
http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=7002529
Reply With Quote
   
  #9 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2008, 12:18 PM
karenBFP's Avatar
karenBFP karenBFP is offline
I will have a baby bump
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 22
Hi hun i know how you feel i have had many miscarriages no heart beat at 8wks d+c
also 2 blighted ovums and 2 normal miscarriages
and i just got a bfp 2 weeks ago i am over the moon but so scared as my first hcg at 5wks was 481 and my 2nd hcg two days later was 916 doubled but not quite and still low so i swear to myself this is another blighted ovum I had a scan 5wks 4 days thursday just gone and there was just a gest sac at 5mm i have been brown spotting since and had another scan today as i am 6wks 1 day and there is a 11mm sac with yolk sac but no fetal pole so i have another scan on friday but i know its a blighted ovum it makes me mad as i try for ages and then when i do get a bfp it ends in a sad way
__________________
Recurrent missed miscarraige patient @ 10wks & 8wks.
All unexplained 1 blood test confirmed blood clotting disorder APS.
Treated with Asprin & Fragmin when pg.
Asprin & Fragmin never worked
Starting prednisone steriods when next BFP
Praying for a sticky bfp


1997 MMC @10wks
1998 MMC @8WKS
1999 MMC @8WKS
2001 MMC @ 8WKS
2002 MMC @ 8WKS
2004 B OVUM
2005 MMC @8WKS
2006 MOLAR PG
2007 BLIGHTED OVUM
2007 CHEMICAL PG
2008 MMC TWINS @ 8WKS
2008 CHEMICAL PG
2009 CHEMICAL PG
2009 CHEMICAL PG
2009 MMC @ 8WKS

RIP little angels


Reply With Quote
  #10 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2008, 12:45 PM
wannabigbabybelly's Avatar
wannabigbabybelly wannabigbabybelly is online now
TTC with PCOS
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 2,534
Oh Karen, I'm so sorry.

Yes, I'm scared too of trying again just for another miscarriage. But I have hope that ONE DAY...we'll get it right. Hopefully third times a charm for us. But I refuse to give up. If I give up I KNOW we won't have a chance. With trying there is always that risk of another or several more miscarriages...yet...there is the CHANCE that we might finally get it right and have our baby in our arms...so I'm not ready to give up on that chance yet...regardless of how hard it is to go through all of this.

My DH must have noticed my depressed mood...because we went over to Baby Depot the other day.. (we were looking for a dresser to go in my girls room)...but while we were there I was going to buy another piece to the baby bedding that we had picked out a whiel back and I've slowely picked up a piece here and there to the set. Well, he said why don't we just get everythign now (in case they stop carrying it or run out of the things we like). I was hesitant because I know we don't have the money for all that right now...but he insisted...so...I had some fun shopping therapy and we bought a BUNCH of stuff. So now we can start putting our baby room together. It's so AWESOME. I just LOVE the stuff we bought and it's gender neutral so it can go either way for what ever we have in the future.

Plus...we're letting our little foster baby use all the stuff..so she's trying it all out for us just to make sure it's what we want and working properly. So...even though she won't be mine forever...at least we get to see it in use instead of just sitting here with empty arms.

Right now she is in the Graco "sweetpeace" swing we just bought (that goes along with our teddy bear theme) and it is just so neat...it has beautiful music.

So I guess I'm finding ways to deal with this and to get excited for our next cycle....this will give me time to paint the baby room (or area...haven't decided where were actualy going to put the crib yet..it might be in our room?) and do the re-arranging of heavy furniture that we need to do..that I won't be able to do when I get pregnant again.
__________________

Reply With Quote
  #11 (permalink)  
Old 02-11-2008, 02:55 PM
designdiva32's Avatar
designdiva32 designdiva32 is offline
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 3,020
Jessica and Karen

I know only too well how you both feel. I'm currently on my third bfp in 8 months and while everything is going fine so far...I just have this permanent nagging feeling that it won't last and I will be back at the start yet again.

But I really wanted to say that I think you both have amazing strength. Jessica you are truly inspirational with your amazing attitude and belief you will have your baby. I wish I had more of that myself. I just feel like the m/c's have stolen most of the joy out of pregnancy for me now and I can't imagine what it must be like for women who have never experienced this who have babies. What an innocent time it must be for them.

Karen, I really hope this isn't another blighted ovum for you hun. You have been through so much it just seems so unfair. However, if it is...do you have plans to have the products tested? They can still test the cells from the placenta etc even if there is no embryo. My second pregnancy was pretty much a blighted ovum and that came back a trisomy pregnancy. It helped to know what had caused it. Although I'm still a bit in the dark as to what caused my first loss as they don't test the first m/c. My RE now does empirical treatment for me (treating for everything pretty much that could cause m/c even though I didn't test positive for it) as I'd rather be doing something than nothing.

Anyway, I really just wanted to send some hugs out both your way. You are not alone in this. Many of us understand the stress and anxiety that comes with recurrent loss. However...the one thing we do have and that keeps me going everyday is each other.
__________________
Alana

ME: 34 RPL
DH: 38 Very low morphology
TTC: Since Aug 2006

M/C # 1 - June 07 - 6 1/2 weeks
M/C # 2 - Oct 07 - 5 1/2 weeks - trisomy

BFP January 08 (feeling very very nervous!)
07/09/08 - SCHEDULED INDUCTION
Born at 8pm on September 7th weighing 6 pounds 3 ounces
Reed Alexander has arrived!


www.totsites.com/tot/lynchmob


http://alanaandmatt.blogspot.com



Mummy to three furbabies:
Two Fat Spaniels
One Feral Cat






Last edited by designdiva32 : 02-11-2008 at 03:03 PM.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are On


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin Version 3.5.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.0.0 RC4