[norcal]

A sticker for your body, a gauge if you will, that reads

or


throughout your pregnancy? I'm driving myself and DH crazy analyzing how I feel each day of this .

The current source of my insanity is that I noticed yesterday that my appettite was decreasing and today it's bascially completly gone. This has been a sign prior to my 2 before.

I could ask for another beta, but it's only been 4 days since my last one. I'm trying to wait until tomorrow before I call my RE

[meremere]

AMEN to that! I feel that way all the time! I am so scared with each Ultra sound!!!!! but all is going well this time but I would love something here at home like Tom Cruise got Katie my own ultra sound machine! LOL

[norcal]

you're half way done! Way to go!!!!!



With the second I thought I was just paranoid....until I ended up losing that one too. Now I think I just expect that something is going to wrong so I'm looking for any little sign to prove I'm right.

I have so much respect for you after seeing your signature. How did you make it through and have the strength to keep trying and not worry yourself to death?

[lovingwife]

I can imagine how you feel! I've had one miscarriage and I'm so freaked out that I won't be able to ever enjoy a BFP for fear of miscarrying again. It's just so unfair that we can't just enjoy pregnancy. Always something to worry about. But, I guess that's what being a parent is all about.

Try to keep yourself calm and relaxed. Just concentrate on doing what's best for your baby right now. I know it's difficult. Just remember, every pregnancy is different and symptoms come and go.

[bd711]

Holly - I hear you! I'm not pregnant now, but as hard as I'm trying to get there, I'm so frightened about getting pregnant and having yet another miscarriage or an ectopic pregnancy. I have a fantasy that if I get past 8 weeks, I'll relax. But I know that that's really unlikely.

Regarding your symptoms, or lack thereof, there are lots of pregnant women who go through having symptoms and losing them during the first trimester. So, as hard as it may be, keep up the hope. And do what you need to do for yourself for distraction. I wish you more pg symptoms and an uneventful rest of your pregnancy.

[meremere]

hey ladies! I guess to answer your question how I kept going....... I want with all my heart to give Dh a child! But I can tell you this is the LAST TRY!!! I think the baby know's that and he is hanging on!!! I had to fight with my parents who wanted us to give up and adopt only becuase of the pain it causes me and they hate to see me in pain! It is amaing what you can do when you want it so bad! As for this one, I still freak out a lot and I am at the Dr every other week. I have a team of Dr's here in Seattle and still give all the updates to the Dr I have had for years in Houston, between all of them (4 Dr's now) I am getting a lot of attention! There are days I am thinking is this worth it if I get this far and loose Jason can I deal with that or will you have to shovel dirt over me or will my marriage handle it? I know m DH is wonderful and he can deal with a loss if he had to but I am not sure I could when we are this far along and I can feel the baby! Anyway, I am on a rant this morning, just keep the faith that this is the one for you, if for any reason ( I pray not) this is not meant to be then take time to grieve, deal with it, do not push it aside and ignore it then when the time is right move forward but I pray that this is the time for you!!!

[designdiva32]

Holly and Meredith this is a great thread. I'm in your boat now too Holly, I'm on my THIRD bfp after my first two ended in m/c also. I'm nervous all the time, I have just had my second u/s with everything measuring fine and I've come away convinced it all went wrong an hour later so I'm back to freaking out again!!

But the one thing that is keeping me going is the wonderful girls on this forum (you should come join us in the thread above, the 'Jencat, Sunny.....' thread, we are a very supportive gang) and the fact DH and I have discussed how no matter what, we will keep trying and in the meantime we will try to enjoy our little beans while they are with us. Even if it is just for a short time.

Oh, and my symptoms come and go all the time. This last couple of weeks I have had NOTHING! I was convinced today would be bad news. So I've now decided to not analyze the symptoms at all. They obviously can be very very wrong. Its hard though...so I just wanted you to know you are definately not alone in this.

(oh and Meredith...you are currently my inspiration. I would love my little bean to hang in there and get to your stage. I'm also doing the blood-thinner shots everyday too...I'm getting very bruised from them. Are you finding the same thing?)

[meremere]

designdeiva, my tummy looks like a punching bag! The Ultra sound tech always says to me well lets see how bad your husband has been beating you this week ( he can't make it to many appointments so it is the running joke).

Thanks for telling me I am a inspiration, trust me when I say I do not feel it! I am in what I call a "funk" and hearing that makes me feel better!
Just do what you are doing and let nature do the rest! The blood thinners are a big help!!! I forget everyonce in a while and freak out if I am a little late but so far it seems to be ok! But I really hate them!

[norcal]

Ladies.....THANK YOU!!!!! This thread has made me feel so much better knwoing that there are women out there that understand the crazy tricks my brain plays on me.

I *think* I have convinced myself that I am having some symptoms, they're just a little different than the last two pregnancies. here's an example - I'm still not getting hungry, but if I don't eat I get WAY sick. I'm trying to just relax until my u/s on 2/25.

designdiva - I know what you mean. I was going to ask my RE for another beta, but then I realized that would only make me feel better for oh, um, about an hour before I'd be wanting another one 2 days later.

Meredith - You are truly an inspiration. I wish your family all the best.

[designdiva32]

Originally Posted by meremere

designdeiva, my tummy looks like a punching bag! The Ultra sound tech always says to me well lets see how bad your husband has been beating you this week ( he can't make it to many appointments so it is the running joke).

Lol...Meredith my stomach looks the same and I've only been using them a week!! I actually asked the nurse where else I can use them and she said the lower back flab and upper thigh. So I tried the thigh this morning after numbing with ice....and it was easy!! I hope I can keep using it there as I just don't think, if this pregnancy sticks , that I will be able to keep doing my stomach. How are you managing as you get bigger? Is it harder to find flab to grab at??

Holly, your beta numbers look really good hun. Although, don't be afraid to have lots of them and have an earlier u/s. My RE knows I'm high maintenance now and for this latest pregnancy I've had a total of 8 betas (yep, I kid you not...lol) and my first u/s was before 6 weeks. When you suffer from RPL as we do you honestly can't have too much monitoring. If nothing else they can find out early if something is wrong so emotionally you can move on faster. At least thats what helps me personally. I'll be keeping everything crossed for all of us in the meantime that our babies make it, but I definately won't say what everyone else probably says to you as they do me...'don't worry, it will all be fine'. Because we know better don't we girls. You just never know.
So I'm going to take it one day at a time.

[meremere]

Icall myself Fluffy so I have a few extra spots to jab. As I get bigger I can now grab the sides where as before I could not and shoot fast. The bruises will come and go, there will be a few weeks that you will not brusie then they will be back with a vengence. The good thing about them is they will not allow me to go into labor natural because of the risk so I am being scheduled for a C-section! Yipee I will have the date for everyone to be here and experience it.
Also you will notice when you get blood drawn you will turn black and blue where they took blood but it will take a few days. I am the worlds biggest clutz so I have to be very careful not to cut myself! The cat scratched me the other day on the hand, ( the dog scared him while he was sitting on me and his back claws decided to drag while he was jumping off od me!) and it looks like a lion took a part out of my hand!
But these are the things we need to deal with huh?

[designdiva32]

Originally Posted by meremere

But these are the things we need to deal with huh?

Yep, they sure are. I am having to be very careful when shaving my legs as the one time I nicked myself it didn't stop bleeding for hours. At least I know this stuff is working. Also I have two dogs and a cat causing chaos for me too. Admittedly the dogs are two lazy fat spaniels who don't want for much most days...but when they do its constant attention seeking. I'm wondering how they are going to act once a baby is in the house. They have been my surrogate babies for over 7 years...I think its going to be tough on them. We also don't live in the biggest house as we live close to downtown Toronto where its pretty crowded.

Lets just say life will definately not be dull!! lol

[norcal]

Originally Posted by designdiva32

My RE knows I'm high maintenance now and for this latest pregnancy I've had a total of 8 betas (yep, I kid you not...lol) and my first u/s was before 6 weeks. ....... but I definately won't say what everyone else probably says to you as they do me...'don't worry, it will all be fine'. Because we know better don't we girls. You just never know.
So I'm going to take it one day at a time.

8 betas! I'm impressed. I would be going in sooner for the first u/s, but I leave for a vacation/work trip this week so they wouldn't bring me in at 5w4days. I could have pushed the issue, but all it'll tell me right now is that I have a yolk sac and no guarantee that there would be a heartbeat when I get back at 7wks.


and yes - i get sooooo tired of the "don't worry, it'll be fine this time" comments.

[designdiva32]

Holly I think you are doing the right thing. You need to enjoy your holiday and you are too early in the pregnancy to get any definate answer on how things are going. You will only worry unnecessarily.

So I say go on your holiday...have loads of fun...assume everything is going well with the pregnancy and deal with it all when you get back. Thats what I'd do. Just don't sneak any margharitas in while your DH isn't looking!

[meremere]

margharita??? Did someone say that word??? LOL
I do not drink alot but I have been wanting just one glass of wine SO SO BAD!!! I try to pretend all the water I am downing is wine but...................... nope!