[AHealthyMiracle]

And I feel soo selfish. She has been my best friend since we were 3. I am SO happy for her. Her son is named after my family (His first name is my maiden name). I can't wait to hear his first cry (They are calling me her last few pushes so I can hear him come out.) I can't wait to meet him in 2 weeks. I am so excited. But at the same time, I just started crying. Her pregnancy wasn't planned. She wasn't dating the guy. Her son is a miracle and I'm not calling him a mistake. I just don't understand why someone like me, who wants to mother more than ANYTHING in this world... has to go through so much. Why can't I just "accidently" get pregnant? Why do I have to cry and long for a baby soo much? There are so many women who don't want children... why can't they be the ones who aren't fertile? I just don't get it. I'm sorry to vent and rant, I am just so frustrated. I should be crying tears of happiness. I feel sooo guilty. Why can't I just feel happy for her instead of sorry for myself? I feel like I am missing out on the happiness of becoming a Godmom because all I can think about is it might not ever happen to me. I just want this more than ever. To top it all off, my SIXTEEN year old sister is 20 weeks pregnant. It was SOOO hard learning that... I just don't get why the Lord will so willingly give my 16 year old sister a healthy beautiful baby but not myself and all of us.

[Krista]

I'm sorry you're going through this. All the hormones you're on really don't help us to feel better about stuff either! Just remind yourself that your normal.

I spent my afternoon in the hospital with my 26 yr old cousin who is 26 weeks with her 2nd baby with a coke addict. She has all this drama going on around her which put her into preterm labor and she doesn't have a home to take the baby home to right now. I want to scream at her that she should be making better choices so she can take care of her 2 babies. In the mean time she's in the hospital for the next 8-12 weeks.

The whole thing just pisses me off. How come there are some of us who will be great parents and we can't get PG w/out medical help and then some people get knocked up easily when they can't take care of a child.

[AHealthyMiracle]

Krista-
Thank you for your response. Unfortuntely, I don't have a very good excuse. I have not started my first cycle yet, so I am not on any hormones. Maybe I am just like an animal in HEAT and still have crazy hormones... Who knows. Since posting this, everything is making me cry. I went to the bathroom earlier and cried because I had to put on a new roll of toilet paper. Was thirsty so I went into the kitchen and when I opened the refridgerator door, a water bottle fell out... It didn't hit me or anything, but it made me cry. I am just... emotional... Ugh.
I just got a phone call from my best friend though... She isn't progressing so they gave her Pitocin... Doctor says baby probaby won't be here until tomorrow around 10am. I hope she does alright all by herself...

[azariah08]

It was really really hard to have all of my friends get pregnant while we couldn't. I got to the point where I started avoiding baby showers, going out with couples with kids, etc...

I will tell you, if it helps, that when my sister had her kid last January it was pretty easy to be around because it was family. While I was sad about my own situation, it was so exciting to see my nephew and spend time with him. Maybe it will be that way with your best friend's kid since you two are so close. And maybe it was easier with my sister because they tried for 2 years (male factor issue) so it didn't just "happen" overnight.

[Jonesnicky]

Last year I was present for my sister's third baby, by the third guy. The first came when she was 16. I was worried like you are, but I ended up enjoying every moment of it. I did feel a bit jealous, especially when the baby looked just like I popped her out and did not look anything like my sister. However, I put that aside and just loved her and prayed for my own. I had her with me for a few weeks when she was 9 months so my sister could study, right in the middle of my treatment. It really helped, believe it or not, because I pampered her, played with her and promised her that I would give her a little cousin to play with. Needless to say I am the ONLY one in my family who is stable and the only one without a baby, but I try to celebrate the babies and pray like heck for my own.

I hope that you will be sucessful and have your own so your baby can grow with her god brother/sister.

[AHealthyMiracle]

I feel horrible for posting this now. Reading it back I feel like I was such a baby. Thank you for your responses! If anyone is interested, her water broke yesterday at 10:30am... and they just checked her at 9am and shes only 1/2 cm dialated, so she's going in for a c-section. Keep her in your thoughts!

OUR DAY WILL COME