[Anj70]

... so its confirmed. I had an early miscarriage. We had a long talk with the doc after the ultra sound... and basically he says that its prob. an egg quality issue. At my age , there's a higher percentage of poor quality eggs.

We agreed to do one more cycle... but he says after 4 IVFs, the % of success drops dramatically ... and he then pushes for donor eggs. (which we will NOT be doing)

We are feeling very shell-shocked about the 4 IVFs thing... while we are taking one IVF at a time... we just thot if we had the energy (amd my insurance pays for quite a few) we might keep trying.

Anyone out there with > 3 IVFs.... What does ur doc say ? Im try hard to feel optimistic... but its so tough. We are def. leaving on vacation in about 10 days .. i need a break from all this. And starting adoption procedures as well...

I know families are made in many ways... and adoption will def. guarantee a family... but so much residual sadness that perhaps I will never give birth to a biological child. Its heartbreaking. I feel so guilty also... its my fault... its my **** eggs ...and I know my DH will never blame me... but I feel so so bad.

boo-hoo


Anj

[KelB]

I am so sorry!! I completely feel your pain and devestation. Hope you can begin to heal and begin to do what is next to make your dream come true

[Hazeld0409]

Anj, I'm sure it's inevitable to blame yourself but try not to because it's nature and it's beyond your control. I did read that ivf cycles #3 & #4 can be more successful, after that I'm not sure but put your hopes in one more and it could be YOUR TURN girl. Also opening your heart to adopting a child will help bring joy to your lives and maybe help you get pregnant, either way, YOU WILL BE A MOMMY!! I hope you enjoy this mych needed vacation to clean your soul of the sadness and agner you may be feeling and be brand new for what lies ahead!

I hope you all enjoyed your weekend and may you have a GREAT week!

[wannabeamomma]

Thanks Leora and Hazel for your very kind words.
Time does heal all wounds and while I have had some tough moments today - I am doing a little better as I am typing this.

AFM, I went in for what I hope is my last beta for this cycle and that it went back to zero. Of course my RE called and I was in the elevator and missed the call. Just waiting for him to call me back.
I did discontinue the PIO shots and am just going to give my body the chance to clean itself out and move on.
I had a good cry as my RE nurse drew my blood this morning. She was with me for my ER and my ET and has been so good to me thru all my IUI's and now this my 1st IVF. Shed some tears at work today too - but as time goes on, I feel better. I just have to keep pushing on.
Its so funny and so CORNY - that Miley Cyrus song was on the radio as I drove to work this morning...The Climb. I was crying as I drove but the words rang so true to me. Just gotta keep pushing. There will always be obstacles, and there will be times that we are knocked on our arsses. We just need to get up and keep going and remember the road we travelled to get to our dreams.

Anj - I am so so so very sorry for all your pain. But you have given me some great support over the last few days and I want you to know that I am so here for you.

Don't play the blame game. Its no one's fault. It just is. But there are miracles every day and we just need to keep pushing on. You will be a Mom ! Say it with me !! You will be a Mom !! And a great Mom at that !!

I am here for you. PM me if you ever need to talk.

[ecox03]

I wanted to wish Anj and Wannabe all of the love and hugs I could during this sad time. You are both strong and very comforting women and will have your babies very soon.

I know that you are sad and grieving right now. You have to take the time to do that. I set little goals for myself to gauge how I'm recovering from my failed cycle. {if I can make it 1 full day without crying I'll know I'm making progress.....Then if I can make it 3 days in a row I'll know that I'm starting to accept how things went and that I am able to move forward with our life and family plan}. I recommend that you give yourself these little goals so that you can recognize that you are starting to feel better. Of course you should not be upset about the tears or sadness. After all the work you've done...tears and sadness are expected. Just recognize how strong you are. Your time will come!

Anj - I completely understand about your feelings of failure due to the egg quality thing. No matter what my DH says I think I will always feel responsible for not giving him the little version of him and I. And I can't even express my sadness to realizing that I'll never carry our child and deliver him/her. Of course I have to keep reminding myself that I didn't "do" this to myself and there is nothing that I can do to change the situation...so why keep blaming myself. I hope that you can move passed these feelings as you move onto cycle 4.

I will say that the more I learn about adoption, the more excited I get. I really think that this is the way that we are supposed to build our family. It's a bit scary but no more than IVF was when we started that. Anj - I wish you the best of luck on your next IVF cycle and also in your search via adoption. You will have your baby. You are so kind and supportive...I'm sure that your baby is just waiting to be born...in what ever way it's meant to happen.

Wannabe = GonnaBe....I can understand your disappointment but I really hope that your RE can adjust your protocal to fit your needs. In a few months I hope to get the news that you are preggo! Stay strong, girlfriend!

My thoughts are with all of you ladies!

[wannabeamomma]

THANKS ecox03...you are so sweet.
I am so happy to hear how excited you are about your adoption process. Its def a thought for us, as we only get 3 fresh and 3 FET (if we have any) with our shared risk program. If we are unsuccessful - we will use our refund to start the adoption process. But that is way into the future. I still want to concentrate on my remaining IVF tries.....
I wish you all the best !!!

I just hung up with my RE. My levels are officially negative. So its done. Not a big surprise there.

He feels that this was just what it was - a very early miscarriage due to the embryo had some chromosomal problems. Nothing that should in any way stop us from trying and/or succeeding.

He felt my response was text-book perfect and that when we are ready to try again - that he would keep the protocol the same. He loved my follicular response, loved my fertilization rate and all that. He said he is very confident that we would be successful.

So its up to me now as to when we start again.
I am definitely needing to wait until my period comes so my body can clean itself out - and then he said with the next period after that, that I could come in for my ultrasound on day 2-3, make sure I have no cysts and then go back on the BCP's.

So, I am thinking that will be the plan. And I will take this time to get myself in good physical and emotional health.

So, thanks again to all of you. I will still be checking in on all of you.

[IndieBlue]

Checking in again. So sorry to hear of all the recent losses....you ladies are so strong though. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of my little "S", yes....we'd named our baby and just KNEW it was a girl....I know I know.

Anyway, I'm so excited to hear that many of you will be doing another cycle, or taking the journey to adoption, both are very exciting and wonderful although stressful.

I really really wish I could make a decision, but it's just so hard right now. I don't really know where we will go after this, we do not have IVF coverage so I just don't think we'll be able to afford another cycle, but the thought of tubal surgery scares me so who knows.

Again, excited for all of you and your new journey's, but sorry that you've been placed in this difficult position.

[Hazeld0409]

Ecox, I'm so happy for you and hope the adoption process goes smoothly. Go get your baby girl!!

Wanna, I'm sorry again but I'm glad you're RE is already thinking of protocol for next cycle and that you are starting to prepare (mentally, etc) so you can continue this journey and have your baby. Good luck!!!

Indie, Nice to hear from you hunny. I understand your fears of the surgery because any procedure worries me. If you're not comfortable, don't do it. God will provide the little one for you some way some how because you have the love in your and DH's lives for it. Good luck with the decision making process!!

Hope everyone's having a great day! I'm wet at my desk wearing slippers because there was so much water in my shoes from all the rain LOL

[can'tgiveup]

Well, it seems like this board is winding down. So many highs and lows - it's been wonderful to share it all with you.

I wish you all luck in your present or future tries to be or to be a mommy in some other way.

Maybe I'll see some of you on the board for September...

Leora

[wannabeamomma]

Leora - will def see u in Sept. Stay in touch !!!

[mlm]

I just thought I'd check in again and I am so sorry for the recent losses, I know how sad it is for you and I you all find peace. Please know that you have experienced a huge loss with huge hormone drops-please do not make a tough decisions for a couple of weeks, you need time.

AFM it's been 2 weeks since my D&C and it's been tough. I had some complications during the proceedure and my husband said he NEVER wanted to go through this again. I won't get into what happened-but I'm ok.
When I lost them , my HCG was over 200,000 and I had a major hormone drop last week and cried for 2 days. I have gone for acupuncture, yoga and a cleansing massage-I think they all have helped.

My DH yesterday asked me to put the crib back together (I had to take it apart to move it from my ds room into our 2nd bedroom) so I think time is healing my DH as well.
I hope to see some of you in the oct. cycle. and I will do the PGD for sure at that time-although we do not have the dna testing back, I'm pretty sure it's egg quality for me too.
to all of you very strong women, you have been an inspiration to me during this difficult time, you have given me hope and I wish you all well.
For you blessed with here's praying for a healthy and happy 40 weeks.
Love,
Mary Lee

[wannabeamomma]

Mary Lee -

Just wanted to pop on to tell you how sorry I am for your loss and how much I admire your strength during such a difficult time.

I look forward to seeing you on the future boards.

[Hazeld0409]

It sure has been pretty quiet around here.

Cantgiveup & Wannabe, good luck with your next steps!

mlm, sorry about all this happening to you but glad you're feeling a bit better and wishing you luck going forward.

Hope all is well!

[Megz]

hey everyone just checking in i had my first u/s 2day and everything is perfect i seen the heartbeat as well it was exciting



to everyone whose cycle didnt work goodluck for your future you all will become a mummy soon

[Hazeld0409]

Originally Posted by Megz

hey everyone just checking in i had my first u/s 2day and everything is perfect i seen the heartbeat as well it was exciting



to everyone whose cycle didnt work goodluck for your future you all will become a mummy soon

Yay Megz, bet all your anxiety has calmed down a bit now!