[mom43]

Patilla - You are freaking yourself out. I had a hard time giving myself shots, so I understad exactly how you feel. FYI - the Gonal-F is the easiest because it's a tiny needle. Try to just breathe (three long slow breaths) and know that with each shot you are one step closer to being . I feel for you I really do. Stay strong!

[ValtheGal]

Quick Update from me. Just back from the clinic and feel a bit low. This was mainly to do with the discussion I had with the RE (my current RE was off today) which was a little un-nerving to start.

Anyway, remember I mentioned that I would have to push to get 2 embabies transferred. Well I had to complete the form today and they had written on it 2 would be transferred if they were lower grade.

I said that I would like to be able to decide for myself and the RE and the nurse both came at me. They suddenly said no it wasn't their policy due to my age etc.. This was not what i was previously told, I was advised that if I insisted they would debate it and let me know at the end of last week. Now the story today was completely different!!

The said things like, do you want to have twins who are kept in hospital and have likely cerabal palsy (spell) or something worse. They are 6 times likely to die at birth and more likely to be sick through their lifetime. Do you want that?

Honestly at this point I just lost it and burst into tears, I'm so annoyed with myself for doing that. I was trying to stay controlled and sensible! Of course DH hardly said a word (I am a little cheesed off with him). It was left that we would debate it when we see how many they retrieve at ER. Which was all I wanted in the beginning. But that it would be a 3 way debate, me, DH and the clinic.

The RE said she had seen so many sick twins and was just trying to help me see the bigger picture. She said " so many people come in here and ask for 2 embryos because they just think that great I can complete my family in one go". I am so insulted because that was never something I thought, like it was something of a convenience. I have a small number of embies, if I am only 2 fertilise, would the other one likley survive a freeze and de frost, I think it's too low to risk?? If not we have no more money to go through any more cycles.

Progess - I have 4 mature embies on the right (with a few more smaller ones below 10mm, they might catch up) and 2 mature on left (with again a few smaller ones). So I will have the ER on Fri 26/06 with ET on the following Mon. Just a waiting game now and hoping for the best.

Thanks so much for all your support.

[NightOwl]

Thanks, everyone, for the birthday wishes. DH and I had such a nice relaxing weekend that it was hard to get back to normal on this Monday morning.

Val, wow! What a tough spot! I don't know how I would have felt having that conversation - - from what I gather, it seems that the doc was a little needlessly brutal at an already emotional time. It is such a hard decision to make. Paying so much money for a cycle and wondering if putting one more embryo back will up your chances for success is something that probably bothers everyone going through IVF. I have thought about this question a lot in the past week and a half. My doctor and I had not discussed numbers until last week. Of course, I was leaning toward two if they look good or 3 if they look bad. My doctor flat out told me most likely three when it comes to that time - - due to my age he says. The thought of multiples and the health risks is just down right frightening. For now, we will wait and see what the embryos look like. The ideal in my mind has us walking away from this treatment with one healthy baby without having to make heart wrenching decisions and dealing with the what-ifs.

I am getting the impression that my doctor does not have much faith in my ovaries/eggs as it seems he is starting me out on high amounts of medicine and talking about three embryos already. I hope I end up surprising him with my response. I don't know why he thinks what he does right now. My FSH is not stellar but not hopeless either (somewhere in the 9-9.5 range) and I had a good response on low doses of clomid and heck, I even O'd on the BCP. Here is to surprising him when I start stimming.

Mom43 - - thanks for the tip about preventing bruising. I will be definitely be trying this too since it worked for you.

Patilla - - I have not seen Bolt yet although it has been on my list of things to see. I am very attached to my dog as well. He is 12.5 pounds of spoiled fur and one look from him and I am mush! He has me wrapped around his little paw.

KMP - - yeah, Marley and Me, another that made me cry even without BCP, but at least I did not cry until the end when I was supposed to. I netflixed this on my parents list and my mom said that she did not cry at all - - she said Marley was too misbehaved and made her anxious - - yet she still cries about their last dog that died two years ago now on June 26. Go figure. As for lupron and emotion, I will not have to deal with that since my protocol does not call for any lupron at all. Again, this probably goes my to my doctor being worried that he would supress my old ovaries too much.

Honey - - Be sure to give us an embaby update today. Hope they did really well over the weekend.

[wannabeamomma]

Val - I am so sorry that your RE had to make such an emotional time even worse. Transfering 2 embryos is not a sure thing that it will result in twins and for them to guilt or scare you into a different direction - I am sorry is just NOT RIGHT. They are supposed to be supportive and informative not badgering and I am so so sorry you had to deal with that. that you have a great ER and show them that you know what is best for you and your family.

[mabelina01]

Val-I'm new to this but I'm kind of surprised that they have such a strong reaction to 2 embryos being transferred. I'm close in age to you and my RE said from the beginning that they'd probably transfer 2. It almost sounded like that was the norm at my clinic. Sorry you had to come out of it feeling like that. Hope things improve from here.

AFM: First of all, some of you have talked about crying through Marley and Me. I haven't even got up the nerve to even watch it yet. My sweet pug Sherman died a year ago (one of the toughest days I can remember) and I don't think I would make it through the movie. Even DH refuses to watch it because he's afraid of his reaction. It's amazing how attached we get to our animals, huh?
Anywho, I go if for my supression check this afternoon. Hoping everything looks okay. Also I'm guessing we'll find out if we're going the ICSI direction or not.
Struggling to focus at work today...thus being here on the forum. Probably should get to work though. *sigh*. Have a good day.

[patilla22]

Val-what a sucky experience...I am so sorry...not what you needed. Hopefully you have a better rapport with your usual RE...it is such a frustrating feeling when they are not listening to you. Hoping that they are willing to "negotiate"...talk about personal bias, too! Because we all know that ALL twins end up with some horrible childhood disease...right. Grrr.

Mom-thanks...I am not usually like that, and it was easy, and I am fine! Of course it didn't help that I got home from my 12 hr day and MIL was sitting on my front porch, waiting to "say hi" to me...Double Grrr.

Mabelina-I will NOT watch any dog movies...I thought Bolt was ok, because it was a cartoon, but it wasn't ok, so definitely no Marley and ME (that and I really can't stand Jennifer Aniston!). This attachment is what makes me nervous about having children!!

Happy Monday everyone!!

[sunflower77]

Val - Thinking of you! I'm sorry to hear what they told you. It is understandable for you to be upset. Wannabeamomma is right - they should be supportive and informative. Think postive thoughts and stay strong.

I'm feeling better today. Yesterday was hard after the doc said my ovaries were not what he wanted and left it at that. I have been super tired and having crazy dreams! I'm looking forward to my next monitoring appt on Wednesday. I'm going to ask questions!

[ValtheGal]

Hi Ladies, thanks for much for all your kind words. I have perked up a bit from this morning. I refuse to stay upset as I don't think it's good for my body!!

Forgot to ask, the RE said my right and best ovary was behind my uterus. I have never heard of this, she said it might be more difficult to get the eggs from it and in fact they might not get any. Any of you have the same experience?

Sunflower - glad your feeling better today, when will RE's learn they need to be specific becasue we hang on their every word!!

Nightowl - I bet you totally surprise your RE, funny but sometimes those who seem like they have the worst odds are the ones who get the BFP. Nothing it predictible in this game!!!

Wannabe - good luck with your next Appt. looks like everything is progressing well for you.

Patilla - Have you started your injections? How's it going?

Mabelina - As I live in the UK, we have different regulations in place, these state that Clinics must reduce their multiple births to less than 24% of something!

Good luck with your supression check, hopefully you can get started soon.

As for Movies, I am so emotional these days I hate it. Songs, movies, adverts anything at all and I feel the tears well up. Not like me at all, looking foward to getting back to some kind of normality either way!!

[patilla22]

Yes, I started the stim shot last night...I don't know why I was "freaking myself out" as Mom43 so accurately stated!! It is the same needle as the Lupron, which I have been doing for over a week...I think I just think about where the liquid is going too much, and the liquid from the Gonal Pen was about 30X what the Lupron injection was...

My RE is from Africa. I like him very much and trust him....but can't understand a daggone word he says!! Fortunately the nurses "translate", but I think they also edit his statements to sound nicer to the hopeful IVF'er...But yes...then we wonder, "what did that mean?"

[kmp0430]

Val - I too can't believe that the RE would attack you like that! My RE has been really good about having more of a relationship with DH and I and giving us info to make an informed decision. I'm younger than you and they let me transfer 2 embies last time, and it'll be the same case this time. Before we made the decision, RE told us the risks from a clinical perspective (with accurate stats and both sides of the story), but definitely tried NOT to make it personal. It's not right for them to take this decision out of your hands...it is your life after all. Plus, I know what study they are taking their stats from...it was done almost 10 yrs ago in Australia, and so the stats may not be applicable to this time and place.

As for wanting to get your family done "in one go," what is so wrong with that? Do they understand how difficult and emotionally and physically draining IVF is? These people are making me angry. I hope your RE is more rational. You were right to fight for what you want. At least you got the answer you originally had planned on from them. Plus, your embryos are doing well!! And you have an ER date!!

Sunflower - my clinic has ultrasound techs that do the vag u/s to check follicle count and lining thickness. She gives me the numbers right then and there. My RE's nurse calls me with my bloodwork results in the afternoon. She usually gives me a definitive follicle count and my E2 (or estradiol) level. E2 is indicative of how many follies you have growing and how large they are. If it gets too high, then you run the risk of getting OHSS.

patilla - glad the shots went OK! I do the shots in my belly, and it really doesn't hurt at all. I am a little nervous for the progesterone shots, which are IM though.

mabelina - good luck with your suppression check!

wannabe - 11 follies is awesome !

honey - still thinking of you and that those embies are strong and growing!

Sorry if I missed anyone...it's a crazy workday today. I hope everyone is doing well

[ValtheGal]

Hi Kalmi, thanks for that. I think they just think we are emotional wrecks who can't make a decision waying up all the risks and so they have to do it for us. Do they think for a second we wouldn't want to do everything in our power to have a happy healthy baby?

I think I might complain about this once I get through the procedure as I think they were way out of order!!

[honeybear0027]

I just lost a long post to everyone. ACK!!!

We had a hard day yesterday. Of the 3 eggs, 2 were mature and 1 was immature, and only 1 fertilized. On a positive note, I got a call today and our one embie is 4 cells, exactly where it should be on day 2!

VAL - not sure why they don't want to transfer 2. My RE was talking about transferring 3 on day 3 if we had them, and 2 on day 5, eventhough we are using a GC with a proven uterous! She told me that this was the ASRM guideline and given my age this was reasonable.

PATILLA - I took all my shots in my belly, it sounds scary but it is the place that it hurts the least.

NIGHTOWL - UP made me cry like a baby. I thought it was great. Happy Birthday! And hope AF shows up soon. I am also a bruiser but it really wasn't a big deal. I bruised from the shots but they didn't hurt, just looked terrible.

WANNABE - grow follies grow!

MOM - I gained about 4 pounds on the lupron and stims, and about another 4 pounds after the shot of HCG, and I am only 5'2"! Today I am down 2 pounds and feeling MUCH better. The bloating peaked for me yesterday (the day AFTER ER). My RE told me that the HCG maked you retain water and the effect is the worst about 5 days after you take it. I felt like my belly was a huge tight ballon about to burst! I am so glad it is down today.

KMP - Marley & Me made me bawl like a baby! But we are dog people, I have goldens and foster for the local golden retreiver rescue organization.

SUNFLOWER - my clinic doesn't do bloodwork, just ultrasounds. They were going to do the first one on day 9, but I convinced them to do one on day 7 just so we knew where we were.

[wannabeamomma]

Originally Posted by honeybear0027

I just lost a long post to everyone. ACK!!!

We had a hard day yesterday. Of the 3 eggs, 2 were mature and 1 was immature, and only 1 fertilized. On a positive note, I got a call today and our one embie is 4 cells, exactly where it should be on day 2!

Honey - and that your little fighter continues to do well !!

Thanks for the encouragement on my little follies. I am trying to stay realistic that not all 11 follies are gonna give me eggs. Was also a little concerned about my e2 but if there was something not right - I am sure my RE would have changed my dosage.
I think he is just bringing me along slow and steady.

Am nervous and excited for my appt. tomorrow.

Thinking good thoughts for you !!

[mabelina01]

Honey- for you embie.

AFM: I had my baseline check today.The nurse said everything looked good. I don't start stims until Saturday though. I guess they try to start stims later in the week and Saturday worked best for us. So, that bumps back ER. Not sure why but I was a little bummed about that. I just want to get it over with. I'm getting more nervous about everything and I'm so tired of waiting....aren't we all. Just impatient these days. But I guess we've waited this long what's a couple more days (that's what DH told me anyway). Every once in a while the frustration hits me that we even have to go through this process. Usually I'm okay with it but today I was frustrated. Oh well. THe nurse estimated ER around July 8th which means we can keep our July 4th plans so I guess that's nice. I'm sure the ER will be here soon enough.

[hollyd17]

Hi Ladies!

Wow, so much has happened since I checked in last. We all lead such exciting lives! (sarcastic laugh)

Val-I know this has been a while since it happened, but good for you for sticking up for yourself! However, it's not good for your body to be so stressed right now. Have faith that things will work out. Here is a hug from all of us:
(see, now I'm getting emotional!)

I had my Day 7 us/bw today. E2 is 561 and I grew 3 more follies for a total of 10. RE called me later to say if I keep growing at this rate, they want to do ER on Friday or Saturday. WOW! I was expecting next week, so I am excited! She said we'll know more tomorrow.

We are having out of town guests for the night tomorrow, so my DH and I had to remove all evidence of IVF material: sharps container on kitchen counter, Gonal F and Lupron in see through drawer in fridge, etc. It's funny what you get used to.

By the way, did I miss a tip on reducing bruises? My stomach looks like a solar system with my belly button being the sun, and my arms look like a druggies.

Keep smiling ladies! Go pour some water right now!!
Holly