[Jerseygyrl73]

Originally Posted by Shell_Pleiter

Jersey-thats wonderful news! I am wishing you and your husband all the best! Finally after a long hard road.
AFM: Adoption process has been started....I came on here to vent slightly...you ladies are a good support for this. Today at Easter my SIL was asking about the adoption...she went on to say that she would offer to be a surrogate for our frostie but that you just be weird because it's her brother. I explained that it would have no genetic impact...basically she would just grow the baby for us(not that I was asking her, I was just explaining) She goes on to say that she would do it in a heartbeat for her sister numerous times....and then i think she realized what she said and tried to do damage control. I just thought she could have just left at she was uncomfortable with doing it for her brother opposed to letting us know she would do it for her sister in a second. GUHHHHHH it never ends eh!

I think your SIL has NO IDEA what surrogacy is honestly.. My sister initially thought it meant she used her egg with dh sperm and my sisters husband thought they had to have sex!!! So yeah, ALOT of people are uneducated on what it is.. It's also not something to go in to lightly as the surrogate.. I have had a TON of people over the years make that "not genuine" gesture of "Oh girl I would do it but..." in reality they wouldn't... You have to realize that.. People say things they don't mean all the time.. I have a sister and I would NOT use her as my surrogate.. It's not just that person, you have to look at their own family dynamic, and how the relationship will fair through the process.. My SIL called me and said "I don't know if you will think this is weird and you can say no, but T and I were talking and wanted to know if you guys would be interested in me being your surrogate" That's a genuine offer... I talked to her, my BIL and went over everything with them and we also talked out what we all expected of the other couple PRIOR to signing contracts or doing any workups.. Once we got all on the same page, then we moved ahead.. Even with that, we have had to go back and talk some things out, nothing major but with this journey, things are always changing and in order to keep the relationship in tact you have to constantly be on top of things.. It's hard work, but really worth it.. I think in your case, the SIL might actually need to see in black and white what a GESTATIONAL SURROGATE does (i.e., not sleep with your brother or use your own eggs and your brothers sperm, ay yi yi) maybe THAT is what she is thinking... Someone commented on the expense of it.. It is NOT as expensive as you think if you use a friend/relative as the surrogate.. Even if you paid them some type of fee or if they only asked you to cover their expenses, it's much more affordable than adoption, I know because I checked in to both.. And with surrogacy, no one is taking changing their minds, the baby is yours.. The main expenses you will have are:

RE consult for all parties
workup for potential candidate with RE
Legal fee for your contract and birth order
Legal fee for your surrogate
IVF fees
Pregnancy expenses (maternity clothes, life ins policy, vitamins for surro, meds to sustain pregnancy-pio/estrace)
OB fee
Hospital fee
Compensation (if any)

You can ask me any questions I will tell you if I know the answer

[CLH74]

Jerseygirl- I have a friend from middle school that owns a paralegal law firm that also uses an attorney when necessary. She said she could do the legal stuff for us. We are using SIL too for a surrogate if you forgot. I haven't had a formal appt with her yet though. Is the pre birth order a separate cost, and if so how much if you don't mind me asking. I am in FL too. I think my friend will do it for a reasonable price. Also, my RE says my SIL, brother, myself and my hubby need a pysch eval, which I think is a great idea. Did yours make you?

Good luck with your baby! I think it's kind of odd that we are on the same board and your SIL is your carrier and my SIL may be soon. It wasnt our plan this cycle, but since we have the frozen ones...it was our plan B. You
make me feel it is a possibility of having a positive outcome.

I mentioned expense. We just did a full fresh cycle on short notice, so coming up now with FET fees, legal fees and testing for her now may take a little time. I also am going to transfer one simultaneously, so FET costs X 2. Keep updating, I love having inspiration!

[Jerseygyrl73]

[quote=CLH74]Jerseygirl- I have a friend from middle school that owns a paralegal law firm that also uses an attorney when necessary. She said she could do the legal stuff for us. We are using SIL too for a surrogate if you forgot. I haven't had a formal appt with her yet though. Is the pre birth order a separate cost, and if so how much if you don't mind me asking. I am in FL too. Your cost will probably be more than mine for legal. Be VERY careful that it is done properly here in FL, the laws here are different than in TX (which is where my contract was drawn up, since my baby will be born there, the contract needs to be drawn wherever the baby will be born) In FL it is approx. $5500-$6000 total for contract and declaration of parentage (they do NOT do pre-birth order here, the original birth certificate will have your SIL name and be sealed and a new one will be made with your name as mother and sent to you. The parentage declaration is drawn up and sent AFTER the baby is born, so it is a separate cost unfortunately..) This is not something I would leave to a paralegal, imho.. You want a lawyer to do this.. I can give you a great reference for a lawyer if you want. The prices above were quoted to me by a great lawyer here and we would have used her had we went with someone here in FL. I can email you the welcome info she gave me if you want it.. I think my friend will do it for a reasonable price. Also, my RE says my SIL, brother, myself and my hubby need a pysch eval, which I think is a great idea. Did yours make you? Most reputable REs will require a psych eval.. We didn't have to redo ours, but we had one done with our first surro and that was faxed to the RE, so technically no we didn't have to REDO it but we did it initially, hope that made sense, LOL!

Good luck with your baby! I think it's kind of odd that we are on the same board and your SIL is your carrier and my SIL may be soon. It wasnt our plan this cycle, but since we have the frozen ones...it was our plan B. You
make me feel it is a possibility of having a positive outcome. THANK YOU! And I don't think it's odd at all, in this day and age, I know lots of people that are surrogates! Since we are having a singleton, we are already lined up for a sibling project with my SIL, after this baby is born and is probably just over 1 yr old. We want our kids to be about 2-3 years apart and that will give us time to recover financially (we hope!)

I mentioned expense. We just did a full fresh cycle on short notice, so coming up now with FET fees, legal fees and testing for her now may take a little time. I also am going to transfer one simultaneously, so FET costs X 2. Keep updating, I love having inspiration! Most people think 75-100k when they think of surrogacy and it doesn't have to be that, that's what I meant.. But even with doing an FET, legal and SIL and BIL testing (he has to be tested too) it still doesn't cost very much, unless your clinic has outrageous costs for an FET! (mine is less than $2k) You can't add in the fresh cycle cost when calculating the "surrogacy" since it wasn't done for the surrogacy cyle, ya know? Now if you are doing a "running tally" on your expenses h@ll yes add that in, LOL! I am keeping a running cost and it's over $45,000 right now for a freeze all cycle, shared cycle, 2 fets, surro testing (all of us) meds, fresh cycle and transfer to surro, travel and probably some stuff I am leaving off! But no matter what the cost, it's all worth it when you get that BFP call..

AFM: I invested in a fetal doppler for my SIL, since her OB treats this like a regular pregnancy and she is scheduled for the NT scan in the next few weeks but then no other u/s until 20wks! I couldn't even handle that so the doppler was a no brainer! Anyway, she tried it the day it arrived which was 7w1d and of nothing.. Fast forward to today, she calls me and tah dah! You can hear it now! 160bpm! I was in shock! So now I can have my mind at ease knowing the baby is ok whenever I need that reassurance! I am also going to induce re-lactation (i have breastfed previously) so I am on meds to start that. I expect to be able to exclusively breastfeed by the time the baby is born! I can give you info on that if it is something you would like to do! Even if you have NEVER breastfed you can induce lactation!

[CLH74]

Jersey- Is your SIL's health insurance going to pay? I have heard it's important to check for exclusions for surrogacy, but my RE seems convinced that her health insurance will pay regardless of how the baby got there or who's it is. I still want a lawyer to check the policy though.

I would drive myself (and her) crazy with a Doppler. We both work in the medical field (she's an MA in a peds office and I'm an RN on a pediatric floor) so we have people to ask. Who knows though, maybe I would want one. She would be AMA anyway and seeing MFM, so there would be frequent ultrasounds. She is in Orlando and hopefully see the Dr's at Winnie Palmer Hospital, which is excellent for babies. Where in FL are you located?

I think the lactating is great, just not for me. Thanks for answering questions. I have done a fair amount of research, but never hurts to learn more.

[Jerseygyrl73]

[quote=CLH74]Jersey- Is your SIL's health insurance going to pay? I have heard it's important to check for exclusions for surrogacy, but my RE seems convinced that her health insurance will pay regardless of how the baby got there or who's it is. I still want a lawyer to check the policy though. You are ABSOLUTELY CORRECT! You MUST check this first, before you even have any bw done! OMG, girl yes... I gave my lawyer SIL insurance info and she had already worked with parents whose surrogate had the same insurance company so she knew they had no surro exclusions.. Have your SIL look in her benefits booklet! If it says exclusion under Infertility, that means they won't pay for HER to USE a surrogate, if it's under family planning then it won't pay for her to BE ONE, big difference.. You might end up having to buy her a separate policy. Your RE is wrong not all ins just pays it.. We got VERY LUCKY..

I would drive myself (and her) crazy with a Doppler. We both work in the medical field (she's an MA in a peds office and I'm an RN on a pediatric floor) so we have people to ask. Who knows though, maybe I would want one. She would be AMA anyway and seeing MFM, so there would be frequent ultrasounds. She is in Orlando and hopefully see the Dr's at Winnie Palmer Hospital, which is excellent for babies. Where in FL are you located? Girl, I LOVE that doppler, LOL!! My SIL and I are a lot alike, we both have ZERO patience and are "wanna know NOW" people so that works in my favor, lol.. How old is your SIL? The pregnancy is based on YOUR age, not hers and she will have to frequently remind them of that! My SIL had to keep telling them that and remind them we needed NT scan since I am 38, SIL is 31 so they kept assuming status quo for normal pregnancy..NOPE! Keep that in mind, she will need to remind them each visit, your age not hers is what matters *sigh* DH works at Winnie Palmer! (all the hospitals in their campus actually!) They are AMAZING.. I am sad we aren't getting the chance to have baby there You will be in good hands there! We live near Daytona Beach (30 minutes south) and DH commutes to Orlando (about 40 minutes west)

I think the lactating is great, just not for me. Thanks for answering questions. I have done a fair amount of research, but never hurts to learn more. It's definitely not for everyone.. It's hard work, but I want to give it a try.. I will have formula on hand in case it doesn't work the way I envision it though, LOL!

[CLH74]

Jersey- I am 38, she's 39, so we are both AMA any way you look at it.

I used to work at Arnold Palmer. Loved the hospital, just got tired of Orlando. I did travel nursing for a while, got married and we wanted to live FL, just not a big city so we wound up in Fort Myers. I have the bug to move again, would love to work at the new childrens hospital that's opening soon in orlando, but we are stuck here with a house we couldnt sell for anywhere near what we paid. So, we stay here, probably for a long time.

[Jerseygyrl73]

[quote=CLH74]Jersey- I am 38, she's 39, so we are both AMA any way you look at it. OK, good deal as long as they stay on top of the ages, that seems to be the tricky part AFTER the pregnancy, LOL! You guys are so close in age, it won't matter.. My SIL is 31..

I used to work at Arnold Palmer. Loved the hospital, just got tired of Orlando. I did travel nursing for a while, got married and we wanted to live FL, just not a big city so we wound up in Fort Myers. I have the bug to move again, would love to work at the new childrens hospital that's opening soon in orlando, but we are stuck here with a house we couldnt sell for anywhere near what we paid. So, we stay here, probably for a long time. I could never live in Orlando, we lived in Casselberry for a while, then Fern Park.. Now we are in Deltona.. Hubs does Biomed so he goes to all the hospitals in their "group" including the ones in Dr. Phillips and Longwood and does PM's on the equipment.. So he is never in one hospital for more than a month or two.. The Dr. Phillips drive sucks since i'ts 1.5 hrs from the house one way! My stepsister had her baby at the new Babies and Mother hospital it's super nice! Will your SIL deliver there too? If you are ever this way, we should do lunch!

[luv4rachela]

Poppet- Holy Moly! Triplets!!!!!!!!!

I suppose congrats and hugs are in order, lol!

[Poppet]

Tks Rachel, was a complete shock but starting to get very excited too.

[luv4rachela]

At least you will be all done. You'll have a big family all in one shot!!! ♥

[Jerseygyrl73]

Originally Posted by Poppet

Tks Rachel, was a complete shock but starting to get very excited too.

Poppet- !!! How wonderful for you! How did they miss that on your ultrasound??? OMG, CONGRATS!!!

[DiamondRun]

OMGosh!!!!!!! Poppet - how exciting!!!!! I am so, so, so happy for you and your family. CONGRATULATIONS