[anjup]

Dear Friends, I am anju from India and know some of you quite well thru ur posts and replies on this forum as I have been following it for past few days keenly. Am so happy to find you all just in time when we are deciding for an IVF ICSI Procedure for my next cycle in June, 2006.....pls tell me about few things i want to know....
1. for those who succeeded in 1st attempt, what do you think contributed the most to success besides of course God's grace ?
2. what did u all do during your 2ww, to avoid stress and anxiety? movies, comedies, prayers, tv...
3.I am told its Ok to continue work during superovulation period (befor egg retrieval)....and its only 3 days soon after Embryo transfer that we need to be on bed rest...was that the case with you too, out there in the US?....I am a legal professional and work as Legal head for a corporate here...I enjoy my work, but at the same time, it IS a pressure job, though I enjoy the pressure too :-) Pls advise...

[macandyvonne]

I went thru transfer last week on Wednesday... I took the rest of the week and weekend off... I did 5 days of bed rest... I work in a high stress environment and promissed my husband that i would go for a walk if I started to feel pressure when I came back to work today... so I am in the 2WW... curiosity is killing me... I keep analyzing every twinge and ache... 9 days to go but who is counting!

[anjup]

hey, loads of good luck to you.....May God bless you with cute baby/ies, sooonnnn...does any of your office colleagues know?...I am in a dilemma whether or not to tell my boss :-((.....any advice?....

[macandyvonne]

I tell you... I was nervous to tell my boss... however, I found it took a huge load off my chest... my stress was much less. He has given me days off whenever I need to go to an appointment, however I did tell him I would attempt to schedule appts around my work schedule when possible... my RE office is kinda far from work... and I generally start work early in the morning. For me talking to my boss and supervisor was a great experience, however both have young children. My best friend only told her boss when the retrieval and transfer were approaching because she wanted to take like 2 weeks off to de-stress and go thorugh the procedures. Nobody else even knew. So there are two different ways to do it... Does your boss have children?

[Savoie]

Yes, it is important to avoid stress after your transfer. I would also recommend avoiding stress the whole month. It is ok to work but make sure co-workers and your boss knows about the stress that you are going through and draw the line. I am going through my second IVF. The first IVF I worked as much as possible and was unsucessful. I am going through my second one now and plan to avoid stress as much as possible. I also plan to take off of work between my my retreival and transfer so, I can relax. It is not proven that stress causes an unsucessful cycle but it is too important not to take precautions.
Also, eat healthy. I think it makes a difference.

[anjup]

thanks Yvonne and Savoie.....my boss does have 2 children, but they are both above 10 yrs.....i do interact with my boss's wife too and she is a very sweet person, but I really donno if I should confide in her or my boss directly.....I am sure my boss will not be too happy to know I would be taking off etc., he is not those sensitive types....he is those too much of matter-of-fact types...and all that matters to him is his company's work, incidentally, he is the owner of the whole corporate group....that makes it even more difficult for me...lol.....I wish I was reporting to someone more understanding.....actually i donno why but may be its all in may head, may be he WILL be understanding and sweet if I talk to him the right way...I am good at the written word than the spoken word, but imagine informing him by e-mail when I can conveniently meet him and talk.....so impersonal.....Each time any such problem occurs where i donno how to put my views across, my husband helps me with words...he helps me put it across in the best possible way...so this time too, will seek his help....my husband's initial reaction has been, just say you need medical help and so need off for few days....but i dont think that's right..:-((

[macandyvonne]

One option is to make it casual and take in two cups of coffee and sit down with him... another is to ask him if he has a few minutes... instead of just asking for time off I told my boss how we came to this place... I told him how unfair it is that I (a 29 year old am POF) I just tried to explain how I felt about not wanting him to think I am a bad employee for wanting to have something that comes naturally for most people, that would eventually mean taking time off... and how stressful it is to put all my personal private information out for other peoples knowledge... how vulnerable it makes me feel... I told him all that before he could tell me anything... I wanted him to know how hard it is to talk to someone about all of this... and how I didn't want to make him think I was a poor employee. I did tell him that I plan to return to my job and not be a stay at home mom... his response was family is first... no matter what... the job is second... depending on your relationship with your boss... you can start the coversation with something like... "you know_____... I am jealous of you. I see you with your children and I want that for myself... DID you know my DH and I want to start a family, but..... (then explain)"
Most men are curious... maybe a little uncomfortable... but I think you should give him a chance.

I don't know if any of this helps... just trying to give you some options... Remember, you are imforming your boss of your treatment, not asking his permission. You are simply asking that he be understanding of your leave requests so that you are not calling in sick...

Good luck! Bottom line is most unhappy employees are generally not productive employees....

[hurlball]

HI there and good luck anjup! I work as the asst director of IT for my company. I told my boss and two of my managers about my situation. I found it to not only make me feel better and liek this whole thing was "REAL" but they have been nothing but supportive. I certainly didn't want them to think i ws taking time off for interviews or something that could me misconstrued. This way they know "when I have to go.. I have to go!" its really been fine... and does relieve unneccesary stress.. which we all know we need to avoid. More later... at work and the phones ringing... :-)

[TurkeyLady]

i really think keeping a positive attitude helps out alot. Keep saying and belieiving you will be preg. I did get preg on the first cycle but ended in a miscarriage of twins. Didnt even know i was perg unitl i misacrried. So ladies please do more than one blood test. Anyway, Im in my 2ww and i have 8 more days to go . i test next friday, so i am staying prayerfula dn i know GOD is able....baby dust to all...

[anjup]

thanks friends for your replies...yvonne, your reply helps me frame up my dialogue with my boss.....you know what, in fact I and my DH wanted to start my 1st IVF Cycle sometime this month itself ie; Mid-may, but there were two issues, one, my DH would be out of country for 1st 7 days of treatment 9he was not required to be present at all for those 7 days as it was just a matter of taking shots) and two, my deputy is on study leave around this time...I know work would suffer if I went on leave together with my deputy.....so here you see, I am a devoted employee...atleast I have the satisfaction that I keep work first....I also had this gut feeling that it will work only if its June and not May....so here you go...going by instincts they say is best...........turkeylady, loads of luck and smiles to you....how has the 2ww been so far...its difficult is what everyone says....hopefully at the end of it, we hear great news....hurlball what's ur status like, ER, ET, 2WW ??
love you all for such tremendous support....anju

[Savoie]

I don't know how everyone else looks at work but I am an engineer and my work has always been important to me; until now. I had to make a decision that my no. 1 priority would be having a baby. At first I was afraid the way my boss would react; because I thought he would think, "Why did I hire a woman"? But, as you will learn during these next few months, what other people think doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is what you and your DH feel. This may be my only chance to ever have a baby so, other people can talk about me or tell me that I am not doing my job, I don't care. There are other jobs and my career will always be there, having a baby won't. Think about this in your time before the IVF, it is important.

[macandyvonne]

That is how I felt... that work is #1... I come from a family that worked hard. Both my parents have owned businesses for many years... you are the one working when nobody shows up for work... not alot of vacations... so I always "heard" about the workers that "took advantage" guess I was too concerned about that.

My boss said it perfectly when he said YOU HAVE TO WORK TO LIVE NOT LIVE TO WORK!! WOW!!! It is true... he made me realize a little more of what life is about. I would work night and day... that is just me. I bring work home...

Anjup just don't feel that you have to ask your boss for permission... think of it this way... (warning I am going to be sarcastic and controversial but truthful) your boss wouldn't ask you for permission before sleeping with his wife (wherein she "could" get pregnant)... he isn't part of your marriage... it is a natural life process... I am sure he didn't ask permission to his boss before he had kids... so try to relax and not stress too much about talking to him. At the end of the day he is just a guy who drives in the right lane (like you), on the same freeway (like you), goes home to his family (like you), he puts his pants on the same way as everyone else (like you), and even if he doesn't show it at work he has emotions (like you).

Hope I am not too harsh here... I've been a little hormonal lately!!! LOL

[anjup]

No Yvonne, you are not harsh, you are right and so is Savoie.....I am sure my boss would understand......as you have rightly said, everyone has emotions (like me) :-)......I am so happy for you who has made it to the goal, crossing so many hurdles.......work, home, family......enjoy every moment of this.....it must be quite overwhelming...:-)...please please pray for me too...:-)

[macandyvonne]

Thanks, my message was not meant to be harsh... it is alot of what my DH said to me... you have to put yourself and your needs to be a mother first. It is not something you need anyone's permission for. I felt I needed permission from my boss... but soon realized I was wrong... mainly becaue he told me that... he said that family is first... it is nice to work for someone who is so kind and understanding... Good luck with speaking to your boss.

[anjup]

Hi Yvonne....Heartiest congrats on your BFP......you must be really overwhelmed......here's wishing you loads of good health and happiness throughout....you have been such a help to me......My 1st IVF starts around 15th June and its about two weeks away yet.....still I cant help but think about it....am quite positive about the whole thing, but must admit the fear sometimes overpowers hope....