[Tina Marie]

Hi All - I was curious how you all feel about the fact that you are going through IVF from a "social" perspective. It's been a while since I felt embarrassed that we are going through infertility treatments, but Friday it came rushing back again. I had to go get a crown that fell off that morning re-glued at my dentist. My embryo transfer was the day prior and I had to list all the drugs I was on.... steroids, progesterone, estrogen, lovenox, glucophage, antibiotic, etc... The dentist said "you are taking ALL this NOW?". I explained to him that I had just had IVF (under my breath) the day prior, but his assistant heard. She said to me "So, you're one of those women who will give birth to a LITTER in 9 months then?" and laughed. I felt so embarrassed and offended. I actually said "Well, if this was 10 years ago, then maybe...."

It goes without saying that not being able to conceive naturally can challenge how you feel about your health, your dreams, your future, maybe even your marriage in some cases.... but do you ever feel just plain embarrassed? Sometimes I want to be able to say "but I'm on this planet to do more t han pro-create!"... the fact is... I don't know WHAT I'm here to do if not be a mother.

Just some thoughts from a very hormonal 2ww.

[CreoleInDC]

Nope. I tell everyone. I have nothing to be ashamed of...neither do you. I have found that more women than I thought have dealt with it or know someone who has. The problem is it's been such a "dirty little secret" for so long...that we're embarrased to the point of not getting help as soon as we probably should thereby exacerbating the issue in my opinion. Talk about it. It'll help you and maybe, just maybe it'll help someone else.

Oh yeah...IN MY OPINION!

[choller]

Whoa...."and she laughed"?

Please tell me you "accidentally" bit the assistant!

[HOPEFULMOM2B]

Tina, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Like Creole said I tell everyone. As far as your dr's ASSisstant her comment was insensitive and inappropriate. In the mean time good luck with your 2WW.

[ara79]

i don't like your dental assistant. not one bit.

[CreoleInDC]

Originally Posted by choller

Whoa...."and she laughed"?

Please tell me you "accidentally" bit the assistant!

Note I decided to not respond to that part. I promised Brandy way back at the beginning of August that I'd stop cussin.

[Tina Marie]

Granted - she was very young (probably with perfect eggs!!), but yeah.... she thought she was being funny. This, one day after being paranoid over transferring 3 embryos. I guess the timing just wasn't very good.

[Lou lou]

Some people just blurt things out without thinking... that's what I often remind myself of. They can't think of what to say, so they usually say something inappropriate. And stupid (as in this case)! Don't feel embarrassed. Can you imagine how many things these people do or have done that they should be embarrassed about that no-one will ever know. No one is perfect, and this is nothing to be ashamed of. Not that you are, I honestly know how you must of felt, but really!!! You can't help but get that little "zing" or twinge when something like that happens. You suddenly just become quiet and "get in" your head.

Every time my friends ask how thing are "coming along" with IF treatments, I tell them quick updates, but they don't really get it, and I don't want to (and frankly, can't) bore them with all the details. That's why I'm here!

I definetly don't keep it a secret to anyone... even my clients if they ask if I have children. I say we have one, and are undergoing fertility treatments for another.

One of my best friends had a baby on Thursday. He is glorious. I am thrilled for them and their little cherub.

Boy... I'm chatty tonite!

Lori

[einstein]

Originally Posted by Tina Marie

She said to me "So, you're one of those women who will give birth to a LITTER in 9 months then?" and laughed. I felt so embarrassed and offended. I actually said "Well, if this was 10 years ago, then maybe...."

Doesn't anyone have any couth these days? I mean, IF treatments aren't that uncommon. That lady needs a lesson in manners.

Tina, don't ever feel ashamed. If you had cancer or diabetes, would you feel ashamed? Of course not. There's nothing that you could do about them and this is out of your hands as well. I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.

[Stormi]

Tina Marie .. Did you tell her to mind her own business and that her comment was un-necessary and un-called for. So what that you have to have a little help. If this were a perfect world and everything worked the way it should, then we wouldnt need help. People like that make me nuts! She may have thought she was being funny but no one is paying her for being funny so she needs to stop. Don't be embarassed by the fact that you are going through IVF .. you have absolutely nothing to be embarassed about. **hugs** and dont let the stupid people get to you (easier said than done, I know!)

Best of luck on your 2ww tons of to you!

[Ninja]

Hey, there is nothing to be embrassed about. People who make such comments are immature, they haven't seen anything in life. I am sure, someday when she is much wiser she would understand what she said.

I haven't told a lot of people that I am going through IVF because I think our society has still not accepted it as medical drawback in a human body. Having said that I am not ashamed of my problem and I will not let anyone make me feel terrible.

The same is with insurance companies. Why can't they cover our expenses like any other disease. It is not that we want to go through all these drugs and pains for fun. We have been TTC for years and no one can know how it feels than us.

Don't feel down for what that person said. All that matters at the moment is you getting pregnant.

[aem]

My husband and I have been married for 10 years if I had a dollar for evertime our family and friends asked us when we we were going to have children, or what are we waiting for, we would have more than enough to pay for 10 invitro treatments. I use to get so upset and just say "someday", now I tell everyone that asks.

[jenedens6102]

I'm not embarassed at all by our IF struggle. Actually I feel quite positive about it because if nothing else it's taught us to have more faith in our creator. He has a plan and purpose and direction for our lives that we may not know, it isn't for us to know. This struggle has brought us more patience, more understanding, the ability to look at every situation in a new light. It's brought my husband and I to a place we may never have known without having this to deal with. I also tell everyone for two reasons, #1 to let them know that no age is too young or too old to seek help if you need it and #2 in hopes that I can help others in the same situation.
When I started my first IUI in 2004 I had a coworker say the same kind of thing "so you are going to have a litter." I told him that while twins may run in my family I'm just hoping and holding on to the thought of one but I'll take what God gives me with lots of thanksgiving!

[Gemmabean]

Originally Posted by Tina Marie

It goes without saying that not being able to conceive naturally can challenge how you feel about your health, your dreams, your future, maybe even your marriage in some cases.... but do you ever feel just plain embarrassed? Sometimes I want to be able to say "but I'm on this planet to do more than pro-create!"... the fact is... I don't know WHAT I'm here to do if not be a mother.

Just some thoughts from a very hormonal 2ww.

Tina Tina Tina,

I must say, I've never been embarassed by my pregnancy-challenged problem.

I hope you won't be embarassed either.

As for the assistant, well, there's just no accounting for some people... I guess we shall just pity them...

*sigh*

I especially can relate to the "I don't know WHAT I'm here to do if not be a mother" line...

I feel more and more like a lost soul, asking, why am I here if not to be a mother... Someone once told me I may be here to mother others, not my own child, but that's just not good enough for me.

Lemme ask you this Tina, would you be embarassed if you had cancer? or any other disease? I hope not. Please don't be embarassed. And consider changing dentists

Much love,
Julie

[Tina Marie]

It's true - no one "should" be embarrased by it, I just sometimes think that it's not understood widely enough and I simply don't have the energy or patience to educate the world on it. For every person who understands it, there are 10 others who do not. I really do feel that it's a disease and we are seeking medical treatment, and it's just that simple. However, I would be lying though too, if I didnt' say that it has affected my body image and my idea of how feminine I am or "womanly" I am. Having cancer or heart disease wouldnt affect my ability to live a full, whole human life. It wouldnt make me feel less of a woman, and it wouldnt rob me of something that almost every woman I look at gets to have.... being a mother. Infertility is the butt of many jokes ... cancer isn't. I think it's just an awareness and the idea that if you get cancer you are dealt a bad hand of cards.... If you are infertile, it was either "God's plan" for you, or you "shouldn't be a mother". I know that there is a BIG difference, but my point in this post is that I dont think most people do unless they are going through it.