[jf5505]

I am having just a very blah day, and did yesterday too. I just feel so hopeless lately that IVF #2 is not going to work, I am scared to death to do it again and I just keep thinking bad thoughts and what will I do if it doesn't work. I am just so sad and feel so empty and just going throught the motions. I need to know how you get yourself ready and excited again after a failure b/c I am having such a hard time doing so.

I just feel sometimes like this isn't happening to me and that I am in denial. I was at a baby shower yesterday and I just wanted to cry, I was the only one there who didn't have kids, it was just so hard to take in.

[jen-hoping]

I personally was not ready to jump right back in with both feet so I am doing injectibles. If my response is great I will do an IUI, if it is just an ok response, we will trigger and have timed relations. If that doesn't work, I will try another IVF.

[jf5505]

yeah that is why i am doing the IUI, but then on to the IVF, part of me is so impatient and the other part just doesn't know what to do...its sucks...

I think the gonal f is making me feel this way...I will blame it on that anyway...

I am on my 4th day of stims...I started on 9/15 too and will do my IUI around the 25th.

[Junebug]

I have been feeling the same way. I am on IVF #3 right now (day 10 of Lupron). I am just not as excited as I was during my first 2 cycles. I kind of feel like it may or may not work, and there is no reason to get all excited about it. I don't know how you can get it back. I think each time you have a negative result, you get a little jaded and a little cautious. It is hard to put yourself out there each time and not have it work.
Maybe it's ok not to be as excited about it...as long as you take the meds and go what the RE says...

[Tina Marie]

I feel the same way, and it seems like a cruel joke that you have to be on mega doses of hormones while you are having these feelings. I think you are a very strong person for even going to the shower. That's not something I have been able to do yet. I've gone on occasion for only very close friends and family but Ive found that no matter how string I tell myself to be, I'm in a deep funk for a good week or so afterwards.

I'm only on my 1st cycle of IVF so I dont know what it must fee like to be on #2. Try to keep your chin up as much as possible and remember it took Celine Dion 5 tries didnt it???

[Gemmabean]

Jackie,

You come here and talk to us, that's how you get to positive mode again sweetie

We all have bad days, just don't let them get too outta hand

Oh yes, and it IS the drugs that make us feel this way, to some extent, so don't be fooled sweetie.

Better days are ahead, this too shall pass. We are here for you Jacks.

Um, after what am I up to? 73 cycles? I really can't imagine my life any other way at this point :P

I try to look at each cycle as a new opportunity, a new chance, new hope... That's how I get through the cycles.

Take care of you Jacks, you know where to find us.

Love,
Julie

[Tina Marie]

I feel the same way, and it seems like a cruel joke that you have to be on mega doses of hormones while you are having these feelings. I think you are a very strong person for even going to the shower. That's not something I have been able to do yet. I've gone on occasion for only very close friends and family but Ive found that no matter how string I tell myself to be, I'm in a deep funk for a good week or so afterwards.

I'm only on my 1st cycle of IVF so I dont know what it must fee like to be on #2. Try to keep your chin up as much as possible and remember that it can take more than one attempt and that's why you are doing it again. For me, I've surrounded myself with lots of family. Mom's cooking dinner for everyone tonight.

[jf5505]

Thanks guys, your the best...Celine did it 5 times...interesting.

I will be okay, just need to focus and stop feeling sorry for myself. I was okay, but then just felt so sad after yesterday's shower. I just wanted to take one of the kids home with me...watching their moms hold and kiss their babies made me feel real envy...and I hate that feeling.

[Gemmabean]

And Jackie, you are a bigger person than I am. I don't do showers, heck, I can't even buy baby gifts, or I'll fall apart!

[jf5505]

I can't do them anymore, so I am not that strong. I just can't...and I can't feel bad either.

I just feel so empty from seeing how much a child can bring to your life. I just want to kiss and hug and be a mom...ahhhh...ok I will stop now..ha

[Gemmabean]

OH Jackie, I just wanna hug you sweetie. I so know how you feel, and it's just not fun right now. *BIG HUG*

Love,
Julie

[jen-hoping]

Totally feel your pain, we did a christening yesterday. Made my heart hurt...

[Sarah]

Jackie, I wish I could give you a big hug.
Its so hard going through all this. I dont know how it would feel doing IVF for a second time. Im on my first round. But I can tell you I know exactly how you feel when you went to the shower. I think we all have those feelings. It just doesnt seem right. We would all do anything we could to have a baby to kiss and hold and play with. Gosh the thought is just great. And lately Ive been thinking about the holidays and how wonderful it would be to have a little one on the holidays. You know? I think this makes each of us a stronger person in the end. I really do. We are so lucky we have each other to go through this experience with. To know we are not alone.
You will be in my ..
We will just keep our this time works like a charm for you and dh. Keep your chin up.