[choller]

First of all, thanks everybody for all the PMs and kind words...it means so much to me.

I went in to the RE last Wed because I felt weird (dizzy, light headed)....they gave me an ultrasound (didn't expect to see anything) and they did another Beta. It came back @ 55 (from 78 on Monday)...so they had me stop PIOs and told me to come back today. I started AF on Saturday, so I pretty thought it was over and done. However today's beta came back @ 130. I go back tomorrow to "discuss options" (most likely methotrexate). This weekend I thought I had come to terms with everything; oh well, try, try again...ready to gear up for the next cycle.... but now I feel like even more of a failure, I can't even fail in a simple fashion.

sorry for the downer, I needed to vent.

[Sarah]

Awww Christina, Im so sorry! I want to give you lots of hugs. .. I wish I could say something to make you feel better. I want you to know Im thinking of you and you are in my ..

[gracesmom]

Christina,
I feel for you. With my 2nd m/c I had an ultrasound and saw the heartbeat ("slow" at only 100-110 bpm). Because of the "slow" hb, the dr said I was at a higher risk for m/c and to come back in 4 weeks. I begged for another ultrasound after 2 weeks because I just didn't have a good feeling at all. I also felt dizzy, lightheaded and vividly remember having to recline the seat in my car when I pulled into the school parking lot before work one day. I almost fainted.

The baby measured exactly the same, 6w 1d, and there was no heartbeat. I kept waiting and waiting to start bleeding. After almost 3 weeks (I have no idea how I didn't go crazy) I finally had a D & C. I actually got pregnant again immediately after that but had my 3rd m/c very early (the same day I had a bfp hpt).

I know what you mean by not even being able to succeed at failing. Nothing seems easy. Is it possible that there is another embryo that they missed? Will they do another u/s before you go any further?

Please keep us posted and my heart goes out to you.

Take care,
Angela

[jenedens6102]

Christina,
So sorry to hear the news. It must be playing with your head to have come to terms with the likely miscarriage only to have the beta rise to the highest it's been. What can that mean? Did they see anything on the ultrasound today? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Tina Marie]

Christina - I'm so sorry. It just doesn't seem fair at all does it? What a roller coaster this is and you can't even stop the ride when you want to get off! My last miscarriage, years ago, was similar. I had a very similar situation and they decided they needed to do a D & C. 1 week later they found they didn't get everything and had to do another one. During the second one they twisted my hip bone getting me in to the stirrups and I couldbarely walk for a month. I remember thinking the very same thoughts... It's ok to feel sorry for yourself too! I try to remember that.

[slobin]

Christina,

When I read your post I had a moment of optimism that maybe there could be a miracle, maybe 2 embryos implanted, one died and one is making it?? I know it is wishful thinking and very much of a long shot, but I have never heard of a beta going down and back up. Did they say that could happen with an ectopic? I know that for you it's too scary to hold onto any optimsm after the utter heartbreak you have experienced, but I am going to hold onto that hope for you just in case there is a miracle.

Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts!

Love,

Slobin

[kuchaks]

Christina I am so very sorry. It just isn't fair, it shouldn't be this difficult. I wish you the best. We're all here for you to vent to and cry on our shoulders. I'm just so sorry. It sucks.

[choller]

Thanks everybody for listening to me vent.

Slobin,
My clinic says there is no hope, they haven't done an ultrasound since Wed (and I think that was to look for a possible rupture than anything else)...

I have never heard of a beta like mine...slow rising, then dropping, then rising again...so I honestly don't know what to think (frankly, I think my clinic is dumbfounded)

Originally Posted by Tina Marie

Christina - My last miscarriage, years ago, was similar. I had a very similar situation and they decided they needed to do a D & C.

Hi Tina,

Did your #s go up, then down and up again? Also, what can I expect if they decide to do a D & C. I am sorry to ask so many questions but I am trying to prepare myself.

[slobin]

Christina,

Oh, I am so sorry! Uggg it is so heartbreaking and I wish I could do something to change it. Before you take Mex. or anything, just have them humor you and do one more u/s and/or HCG just to be absolutely sure ok?

I am thinking about you. Try to keep hope for your next IVF ok? I know it's so much easier said than done.

Would you want to see if your RE might run at least some basic immune tests just to rule it out? I ask b/c unexplained IF and IVF failures can be due to immune problems. I am not pushing it I just so want your next one to work.

[choller]

Slobin,

I have thought about immune problems from the beginning....I am really going to push this topic during my next cycle....thanks again for all your support....

[Tina Marie]

Hi Christina - Yes - I cant remember the exact numbers, but they went up, and down about twice.

They put you out for the D&C and my RE's office is in a hospital so he did it there. I had some severe cramping for about 3 days afterwards and a heavy period for about a week. It wasnt that bad at all.

[Ninja]

Hey Christina, I am so sorry to hear that. I was hoping that your numbers picked up slowly and steadily. Are they going to do another beta just to see if it is doubling before you take methotrexate.

Hope you feel better. Praying for you.

[alleykag]

christina,
I sent you a pm, but once again i am so sorry. Slobin has some good suggestions. I had my d/c and it wasn't that bad. I had mild cramping but nothing horrible. Please VENT!! You know how to find me.
kim

[tina_help]

Christina,

I'm sorry to hear that, Ofcourse we are always here for u to listen...
Goodluck , hope something works out for all of us soon

Tina

[Gemmabean]

Christina,

I'm so sad to read your post sweetie.

You can vent to us any time Christina, don't be sorry.

It's hard to find the right words to say. Just know that we are here for you to lift you up when you are down and to hug you when you need it.

I wish there was more I could do for you. Please know you are in my thoughts.

Much love and hugs,
Julie