my husband and I have been ttc for 5 yrs. We have suffered many miscarriages. We are starting to explore adoption.
Can anyone educate me on the advantage and disadvatages of open vs. semi open adoption.

thanks

Hi,

Well, it really just depends on who you ask! LOL

This is my understanding...

Semi-open usually means that the bparents chose you to raise their child, you may even have met with them before the birth. You keep in touch during the first 6 years of so of life by sending pictures and letters about every 6 months, give or take. At the age of 6, usually the contact goes down to maybe once a year, but it really depends on the aparents and b parents agreement.

In an open adoption, the birthparents still choose the aparents, however there is generally more contact. There may be regular visits, letters back and forth, the bparents may attend special occasions like birthdays, school events, etc. But in general, the child knows and has contact with both sets, however the aparents have the full parenting responsibility. I know many people look at it like the bparent is "aunt type" relationship. Someone who they know and have contact with but who is not their parents, I don't know if that makes sense or if you can figure out what I am trying to say. Clear as mud, I guess!

Feel free to PM me if you have more questions, I will try to answer them.

Thanks!

LBL

LBL,

Thanks for your reply. It helped. I now have a bit of a starting point.

Chloe

Chloe,

A good book to read that may help you understand the differences:

The Open Adoption Experience by Lois Molina

You should be able to find in the local library or local bookstore.

We are aparents in a fully open integrated adoption. This means we think of each other as family - Ryan has 9 grandparents (5 birth, 4 adoptive), etc. Since most of his extended birth and adoptive families live out of our area, visits and telephone calls are the most common way of communicating. His birth family told us we were simply relatives they hadn't met before Ryan came.

For us, this works. We come from families that are mostly related by blood but not completely, and, being military, we learned that our friends can be lifelines in times of crisis, many have become family as well.

HTH

Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

Alot depends to on how much privacy you want to give your child for their stability.

Each situation of an Open Adoption is unique and very special. Sometimes The child has visits that you even though you are the Parent have no control over. Some people are fine with this arrangement.

Others then prefer semi open.

When I made an adoption plan for my birthdaughter, I was asked what type of adoption I hoped for. When they were described to me, I was told that there were closed, semi-open and open adoptions. It is basically a spectrum with varying degrees of openness.

A closed adoption is where the birthparents and adoptive parents do not have any identifying information about each other.

A semi-open adoption means that some information about each other is shared, but usually contact is made through an intermediary.

An open adoption means that everyone knows identifying information like last names, phone numbers, addresses, etc. and contact is generally not made through an intermediary.


The previous post seemed to imply that in open adoption situations, the birthparent's presence is an intrusion and destabilizes the family. If I misunderstood what was written, I apologize, but after reading that post I must respectfully disagree.

I am a part of a fully disclosed open adoption. I met the adoptive parents nine years ago, when I was seven months pregnant. Just a few weeks after we met, we were comfortable enough to exange personal info. Now, we keep in touch through the mail, e-mail, phone calls and visits. The biggest problem or hurdle we have had to deal with was me moving across the country. I moved 3000 miles away and the adoptive parents were worried that it would be harder to stay in touch with each other. Since I moved, I have spent thousands of dollars on plane tickets and it has been worth every penny. During the first year, we even joked that we were visiting more now than when I only lived 150 miles away.

I am confident that my presence in the family is healthy and best for my birthdaughter and helps her feel more secure. I know this because of conversations I have had with her. Almost every time I see her she asks me some kind of "hard" question. I generally talk with her parents about it and almost always she has already talked to them about the same issue. They also talk to me before visits to tell me what kind of themes she's been bringing up with them.

The major theme that seems to come up is her birthfather. (He has had not contact since she was 6 months old.)She has asked me about him dozens of time. Everything from "Do you know my birthfather?" to "Why doesn't my birthfather love me?" to "Does he know that I'm five?" to "I betcha he's prolly dead by now." She has had to deal with so much stress and trauma because she doesn't know her birthfather and how he feels about her.

She has never had to ask if I love her because she has always known. Whenever she has a question for me, I get a phone call and she gets an answer.

My apologies for the length of this posting-this is a subject I am really passionate about. Although I recognize that complete openness does not always work for everyone involved, I do believe that if the relationship between adoptive and birth parents is respectful it can be incredibly beneficial for the child.

I wonder if adoptive parent think there will be a reunion wnen there children turns 18 or if the birthparents will not search after
getting all good letters over the years are dearming. Holy Family did want me to search and told the adoptive mother was never to me met. As it seem now the smi open is for the agency to have control of the adoption after the placement and is just plain wrong. I just wanted to my two cent in.


Mary Mumby Ramirez

thanks everyone for your reply's. this is helping us so much.
I feel so much moe informed.

I am an adoptive mother of two children. We have open relationships with our birthparents. I agree with the post from Free to be Me.

If you would have asked me if I would have agreed to an open adoption prior to me adopting, I would have said, "NO WAY." However, I witnessed the pain, my childrens' birth parents went through and I could not do that to them. I just couldn't. They loved my children and a VERY wise social worker said something to us that was instrumental in our decision to have an open adoption. She said, "Why would you deny your child love from anyone?"

My children are 9 and 10 years old now. We live 7 hours away fom their birthparents. We see them once or twice a year. They are extended family now.

Open adoption has been a great experience for us. I do think it depends on each individual situation though. You need to be respectful of the birthparents and what they want. If you want an open adoption, don't expect a birthparent who does not to change. And WITHOUT A DOUBT, if you are NOT willing to have an open adoption, be sure to communicate that to any birthparent who may be expecting an open relationship.

Good luck. And let me add that is well worth the journey.

thanks Mkrekeler.
I am stuggling with many adoption choices such as international or domestic. If domestic, am I comfortable with open adoption.

What is the relationship like between your children and their birth mothers? If this question is too personal, i understand and i am sorry.

Chloe,

I was originally going to describe their relationship, but then thought otherwise, because I wasn't sure my kids would want that posted for the world to see.

We are very open about it, however, and our birthmoms and we have attended adoption seminars talking about our relationship so I know our birthmoms would be okay about me telling you about it, but I would prefer doing it in a private email if that's okay.

If you would like to hear about it, why don't you email me at mkrekeler@cinci.rr.com and I would be happy to respond.

Mary