This weekend, my best friend had a baby. He was taking by the phone with someone else and told him that the feeling of seeing the baby was incredible, more than he could ever describe.

That moment, I felt like my heart was twisted as I realized I could never be able to conceive.

I am attracted by the idea of Adoption, and I was wondering if the feeling when you adopt could be the same; just as the one you have when you conceive.

Please share your experience with me!

IMO everyone feels differently when they first see their baby. This includes both biological and adoptive parents. Some people report that they instantly bonded while it took others weeks or even months. When I saw our 1st daughter I didn't suddenly feel "love" for her. I felt elated and excited that we finally had a baby, but it could not be defined as love. With our 2nd daughter, I was once again terribly happy and I even felt a great deal of affection for her, but...not love. I can say that it didn't take very long to truly love either of them. And, even though infertility was one of the biggest emotional trials I have ever endured, if I could, I wouldn't trade either of my daughters for a biological child. I just thank God in His wisdom that He gave us the children that were meant for us. Don't look in the past and think about what you can not have, but look instead to the future and what you have to gain. There is so much love and happiness yet to come.
Best wishes!
Linda

I agree with verncait - people have a variety of different feelings and emotions when they finally are matched and meet their child. We were soooo emotional and I was worried, about everything, the bmom, the meeting, the next few days waiting for the sign off, the unknown. But just decided I would love that little one with all my heart and tried to put myself in a state of denial that anything bad could happen (leftover from infertility I think) in any event, all worked out splendidly and eventually we were back home and parents ,,,,finally.

I think the feelings of apprehension are similar to a pregnancy and birth hoping all will be well and praying your head off!

Not sure if you have started the process or not, but actually it felt good to be working towards a goal that would result in a child for sure!

Good luck and keep asking questions if you need to, I didn't have a forum like this with the first one and it's a real blessing!

Are you looking for a newborn domestic adoption, through the state or international?

Bumpkin

I believe that everyone has had funny feeling one way or another,,, We are in the beginging process of adoption, and I HAVE to tell you it is very emotional, and confusing, so no your not alone. idy

I dont' think we ever get over the fact that we cannot have any children of our own. I still long for being in the delivery room, but realize that that will never happen.
I also know that with every phone call I get for a baby, the excitement is OVERWHELMING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then to see the baby, I can only think that this is what it must feel like for couple to first find out that they are pregnant and then to have a baby. It is so JOYFUL for me that it takes away all of my disappointments of not being able to have a child.
Of course, now that I want a baby, here we go again. I think as a foster parent, we can get addicted to wanting just one more.

Thanks Verncain for your reply. Your post was really inspiring, it almost brought tears to my eyes.

Patricia

Hmmmm...very interesting question. I wondered myself if I could ever love a child as much as if I conceived her myself. I don't know that I can truly answer that question. I have never conceived thereore I don't know what it is like. I have, however, adopted a newborn and I fell instantly in love with her. We were in the delivery room with our daughter's Mother, she allowed us to be very much a part of everything. (She's so wonderful) The moment our daughter entered the world screaming her little head off (not for the last time either ) She melted my heart and I bawled my eyes out. Now that she is here with me I wouldn't trade her for all the biological children in the world and suddenly the pregnancy experience is no longer important to me. You see, we went through our own, yet very different "pregnancy experience". It just happened to include one more very important person. Now we will always have her in our lives as well, as a member of our family!
As a side note: My husband has biological children and he said he felt exactly the same the first time he laid eyes on all of our children

Thanks to all of you guys for your postings. Believe me, they really helped.

Bumpkin: To answer your question, I am going to adopt domesticly, not in the US, but in the country where I am leaving right now. There are not open adoptions here, just the traditional ones.

We are planning to adopt an infant (2-3 months). I would like to be in the delivery room with the b-mom, but it is not possible here. THe law says that the B-mom has a month after the baby is born to think it over.



Thanks

Patricia

You can and will absolutely love an adopted child the same as a child that you conceive. I adopted my step daughter that I have raised since she was sixteen months old. After a year and a half of fertility treatments i conceived and have a beautiful baby boy. We are now looking into adopting a child with Downs Syndrome. I love all my children equally. They are different people with different personalities so I love them differently, but my biological child is not loved anymore or anyless than my adopted daughter or my future children will be.

Interesting thread. I may be unusual in that I have really never longed for the pregancy experience and had always hoped to adopt. But when we adopted our children around the same time that a friend had triplets, I did wonder if our feelings for the children were the same - he was so proud of the fact that his kids were HIS - this one looked like him, another like his wife; so for the first time I felt uncomfortable about not having a biological connection with my kids. Was my love for them somehow different? I think I went through this stage when it really saddened me that they were not 'mine' biologically. I didnt want different bio kids, just wanted these wonderful children to be mine biologically. I guess so that all of the worries and questions that come with adoption would be gone for all of us.

Now, I'm convinced that it just takes time to find that 'parental love'. Not only do children bond with their parents, but parents bond with their children and that can happen quickly for some and take longer for others whether the children are biological or adopted. I had a bio mom of 7!! children tell me that you dont love them immediately - that the love comes as you care for the child, learn about the childs personality, and experience your relationship. I think this was true for me. I almost feel like we were nine months behind on everything. It took our children nine-ten months to call us papa and mama, and honestly it took us about nine months to 'become' their parents. We didnt have that intial time in uetero to get to know each child, begin to build expectations for him/her etc. So we took it after they came home with us. It still happened and frankly they are less and less 'adopted' and more and more 'our' kids each day. It is not an issue at the front of our minds like it was initially. We're just a family with two happy children and its really nice.

Dont worry - you'll fall deeply in love with your kids and they will unconditionally love you (well until they are 15).

Good luck,

Melissa

I was euphoric when I first became my son's mom when he was 13 mo. At times I still am thinking of what a blessing he has been for us. The wait was painful and difficult but it was worth it in that I had more time to prepare for him and have a deeper appreciation for him than I may have otherwise. I question as we have started the adoption process again if I will feel the same with our next child. I sure hope, but that concern is there, me wondering if I can love another child as much as my son. I probably feel this way because I haven't met my second child yet. Anyone else have/had this feeling?

Melissa

Oh Melissa, before I ever got started in foster care, I would see my best friend with 4 children and I always wondered if I could love more than 1 child, I was always afraid that I would leave one out because I didnt' have enough love in me for more than one.
Well, 17 kids later, and I can honestly say that I have loved each one of them. Now, did I love them all the same???????? NO because some only stayed a couple of months. But I did love them.
And now I have adopted 4 children and I love them deeply, every one of them. Is it the same, YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I would do anything for my children.
I do understand your concern but God has given us the love that we need for each of our children. Once you get that baby in your arms, the love starts all over again:-)

I have a biological daughter and an adopted son. My daughter is already grown up and will be married this month (she is 23). My son is a bit over 2 years old.

I can tell you that I love both of my childredn with all of my heart. I grew up with my daughter, since I was very young when she was born.

My son was adopted at age 7 1/2 months, and both my husband and I fell in love with him from the first moment we saw him. I couldn't love him more had I given birth to him.

When I was little my mum used to tell me the story of the first time she saw me, through a window in the hospital, when I was 2 weeks old. She was so excited that she told some complete stranger "That's my baby!" I know she loved me from the moment she saw me and always believed God had brought us together.

So, yes, it's possible to have that feeling with an adopted child

To all of you, thanks a lot for your replys. I have read each and every one of them several times, they make me feel good.

Christine.. that´s exactly how I imagine adoption.