I never considered the idea of having a surrogate mother for my child. After my last misscarriage, I´ve had many friends telling me I should think about a surrogate mother.

I had always thought that it is a very cruel thing to do with a woman even if she volunteers, but now, I do not know what to thing.

Please, give me your oppinions.

Well I have never given surrogacy much thought, except that it must take a very special person to do that fo somebody. However one thing I do know in regards to the financial aspect. Most companies that provide an adoption benefit for their employees exclude surrogacy situations, as does the Federal Adoption tax credit. Best wishes on your road to parenting, whatever path you choose.

Hugs!

Laura

Well, only you can decide what you mean by "cruel" and why you believe that applies to a surrogate situation.

The majority of surrogates I know about are either relatives of the couple trying to have a child, or they are professionals who have been a surrogate for several couples before.

In the least legally-tricky way to do it, sperm and eggs are collected from the couple trying to have a baby. The sperm fertilize the eggs, and the resulting embryos are implanted into the surrogate. She then has no biological connection to the child.

There really are women who view being pregnant with another couple's baby as a job.

In my personal opinion, it is a perfectly fine way to enlarge a family. Just employ all of the legal safeguards - contracts, using your own eggs and sperm if possible (even though using her eggs would be cheaper), etc.

Although, you definately want to first learn WHY you miscarried. If it's a problem with your uterus or something else in your own system, using a surrogate might solve the problem. But if it's a problem with egg quality, or a genetic issue in the embryo itself, then using a surrogate wouldn't help.

I just to let you know that using a surrogate can be a very positive and beautiful experience for everyone involved. I was a gestational surrogate for an infertile couple and gave birth to a very healthy and happy little girl in March 2003. Both of the parents were able to attend the birth and were the first to hold their baby. I never once doubted in my mind that it would turn out to be a bad experience or that I would regret doing it. I think it is the best thing I have ever been able to do for anyone on this earth! We keep in touch still and it gives me such an amazing feeling to know that I helped them to have a family. True, there a mnay stories out there about surrogacy gone wrong, however, there are a lot more stories about surrogacy experiences that end happily ever after. To be a surrogate, you really have to have an unwavering surety that you have completed your own family, and that you are doing it for the right reasons (to help a couple have a family) and not for the wrong reasons (money). Going in to this experience having completed my family and having infertility touch my family personally, I was able to give this gift to a couple for the right reasons. I could not have asked for anything more precious.

Thanks for your replies,

Azsurro, it is nice to know the good side of the story.

Pat

Hi Goma,

My name is Sheri and I want to tell you that being a gestational surrogate was the most incrediable thing that I have ever done. I had twins, a beautiful baby girl named Yuki, and a preceious little boy name Daiki. The babies were concived using a egg doner and the fathers sperm. They were 5 in December and are coming to visit this Christmas as their birthday is Dec. 26. They live in Tokoyo Japan and have been here once since I had them though I do get pictures. I have three children of my own and couldn't wait to do this for someone in need. If you would like more information on the subject just send me a note. I would love to tell you more of an amazing story.
Sheri

I have been a traditional surrogate (my egg), and it was an amazing experience. A surrogate knows what she's doing. It's rare that a surrogate regrets anything, it's also rare that she's doing it "just for the money". It's hard work, but the joy of seeing happiness brought into another family, is incredible Every day I feel honored, and thankful. Every photo I receive warms my heart.

The biggest suggestion I can give though, along with what another said in regards to being SURE you have contracts done, MMPIs, all the testing, etc..... is to be secure in your feelings of trust for your surrogate. I give a lot of credit to mothers-to-be through surrogacy.

There are agency's that handle surrogacy, or you can go independant. Regardless, do a LOT of research.

It's a great option

This month's Parenting magazine has an article by a woman who used a surrogate -- it was pretty eye opening and chilling.

Spaypets... what is that mainly about??? was it about a good or bad experience?

Thanks

Pat

I suppose it depends on your view point. First off they spent a small fortune trying different surrogates without any pregancies. Finally they had a traditional surrogate who after the birth wanted to parent the baby (he was biologically hers), she wound up relinquishing custody but to me reading it (remember this is the amother writing) it felt as if it was ultimately coersion that led her to follow the original plan (a lot of people telling her to "do the right thing.") I think the amother felt uncomfortable about the situation, although she adores her son. I recommend the article--perhaps my interpretation was colored by my pre-existing opinions about surrogacy.

Hello, and can anyone give me some info on how to become a sarogate mother. I am highly intrested, I have a child of my own and i want to give someone the joy of being a mother. So can you please help me , or for anyone who is looking for a sarrogate mother

[TS2TwinBoyz]

I am a traditional surrogate (my eggs) and gave a wonderful couple twin boys for them to raise 2 years ago. I am now newly pregnant as a gestational surrogate. Surrogacy is a beautiful thing, although there are a few out there that shouldn't be doing it. That is the main reason we have contracts, psychological testing for all parties, medical testing for all parties, etc. In a few states contracts usually do not hold up in court (like in AZ where I am). I know there are some bad stories about surrogacy and mostly about a traditional surrogate. It seems that the wonderful stories never seem to make it to print like all the bad stories.

Sometimes using a surrogacy agency is safer than trying to do it yourself, they will help protect you if something went wrong. Using an experienced surrogate is also a way of ensuring that they won't want to keep the baby(ies).

I was never sure about whether I would want to carry again for another family ... until I delivered the boys. After that, I realized that the joy of helping to create a family far outweighed any other emotions. The support of family and friends is good to have as well.

Lisa
TS x 1 Twins!
GS x 1 Pregnant!
Positive HPT 5dpt5dt
Mom to Tony 16/Stefani 14

[Sunshine_Gal]

I think surrogate mothers are a great thing and I would love to be one. I am also a bmom.

[Mochasurro24]

I was a TS twice in the past and would be open to doing a GS journey in the near future.

None of my journeys were done for the money nor did I feel as if I was being treated cruel, all journeys came from my egg(s) and if I had the chance to do it all over I really wouldn't change much.

Psychological and medical testing, contracts and open communication is a must and none of the above should be excluded when considering to travel this route.

If there was any worry about doing a journey with a Traditional Surrogate or a TS then you can always choose to be matched with one residing in a Surrogacy friendly State within the US that will allow for pre-birth adoption procedures which will enable you to be listed on the birth papers prior to the child being born.

Gestational Surrogacy is another wonderful option as well and it can be done in many ways(donor eggs, your eggs, donor sperm, your husband's/partner's sperm).

I am in touch with many Intended Mothers and Fathers via Surrogacy some who are just beginning and others who are now Parents, should you have any questions then feel free to ask

[Anewmom]

We had a child via surrogacy., if anyone cares to chat.
Betty