I am new to this chat board. Let's see, my Husband and I have been trying for about a year, but I am already 41. I have endometriosis and had a really hard time with the IVF stuff. I felt pulled into somehting that made me uncomfortable - I didn't know until about a month ago that I could do IVF without "wasting" eggs and my husband was uncomfortable with transferring more than three, so we finally got everything worked out and...my estrogen is now too high and all of my fibroids/endometriosis came back after three months on Lupron. It was all a big mess - I kept chickening out becasue I was afriad of birth defects and then my husband broke his leg.etc. I really didn't know how long it would all take. Did anyone else feel like this? that they never really explained everything that was possible or that would happen to you? They were nice but I always felt surprised when they called me. I actually quit just befre my HGC shot (Anyone else out there freak out mid cycle? or am I the only weirdo?)

Anyway, I guess now they are going to tell me that I am no longer a good candidate. At best, I would have to have more surgery and Lupron.

So, I am trying to re-focus. My blessing is that my husband is wiling to adopt two little girls from Russia with me even though he already has grown children and he will support me no matter what happens. So, thanks for listening. I guess I have to give up my dream. I am still crying but am filling out forms for the adoption agency.

Thanks for listening.

nancyral

Hi Nancyral,
How does your dh feel about adopting? You mentioned you hope your dh will adopt 2 little girls from Russia with you. Are you planning on adopting without him should he not want to adopt? If this is the case, I just want to encourage you to hang in there and not do anything without your dh's support. Dealing with infertility is difficult enough, but the roller coaster of adoption can be difficult too. You will both do best if you can be supportive of one another. The children you adopt will need to see that too. Best of luck with everything. I am so glad we adopted. Our kids are a precious blessing worth all the waiting and ups/downs. Take care.

Actually, my husband is very supportive - and he's 64! He already has four grandchildren and he's the one who said we should adopt two! Since I really started the adoption process the pain of infertility is somewhat less. I actually found out that my repro. Edno. is willing to let me do another cycle, but I might just say no. It's hard to give it up, but all my thoughts of in-vitro are negative and most of my thoughts of adoption are positive. After meeting with my repro/endo I went to a baby store and got some things for the girls we want to adopt. It's nice to think positively. I think you adopted from Russia - can you recommend a good book? I guess my biggest worry is that the girls would want to find their bio parents. I would be sad if they did, but I know they would be sad if they couldn't. I come form such a big family and can't imagine not being part of a big bio family. That's why we want two sibling - they'd have each other.

We couldn't be better candidates despite our age - five bedroom house near the beach with a big back yard. My husband is a certified elementary ed teacher and he's really excited. I try to count my blessings. Thanks for responding - it's nice to know there's someone out there who's been through it Thanks.

Both our kids were/are adopted from the state of Oregon's foster system. Our oldest was a legally free adoption and we didn't foster him.

I can recommend Toddler Adoption: The Weaver's Craft though as a great book that will give you great insight on adoption of a child older than newborn. Talking With Young Children About Adoption might also be a helpful book for you.

I only started with the infertility process and stopped after my investigative stuff with a laporoscopy. I didn't feel it was were I was supposed to be. I couldn't see spending big money on "maybes" I wanted to be a mom! I didn't care about my child having someone elses genes. We knew that adoption would probably guarantee us a child at some point where infertility treatments might never. I am so glad we chose adoption. I can't imagine having any children other then the ones God entrusted us with. I also got an opportunity to be at the hospital when my friend went into labor. The only part I didn't see was the actual c-cection. Seeing her in so much discomfort eased up my desire to carry a baby in my womb. Not that I wouldn't have wanted the boys I do have to have been in my womb, but they wouldn't be them if they were .

Take care,
Melissa

Good luck with everything. I love this forum. The people here are so nice and supportive. It is nice though to know you aren't alone.

[piadopt]

It is inspiring to hear stories of women who have decided not to pursue infertility treatments and adopt instead.

We have recently endured our 1st m/c at 16 wks, but are very lucky to have a 3 1/2 yr old son. Both pregnancies were horribly abnormal (pre-eclampsia, preterm labor, terbutaline, bed rest, etc. etc.) and we started talking about adoption when we found out we were pregnant the 2nd time. After enduring the m/c after 2 abnormal pregnancies, I don't think I can do it again. My hubby and I are very seriously considering adoption and are very open to it. But I can't seem to get passed this guilt that I should be trying harder to get into another high-risk pregnancy - that risks my life, the baby's life, the baby's health, etc. YET I STILL FEEL GUILTY. When I surf the web on adoption, I feel hopeful and optimistic. My heart of hearts seems to be pointing to adoption, but I can't get over the guilt. I don't understand why or what that is. Does anyone else know this feeling? Is it perhaps disguised loss?