[abg9639]

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years. It is something I want more than anything. However, adoption is an open alternative to me if I am never able to conceive. I have 9 adopted siblings, so it is second nature to me. My husband, on the other hand, while open to the idea of adopting, refuses to accept the idea of adopting a child outside of our nationality... And since this is nothing new to me and my family I don't understand. It breaks my heart to think that he and I are not on the same page aout this. A child is a child, no matter what! I have a strong feeling that his family plays a large part in his stance on this subject, and I am cannot understand how he can be so closed-minded. Please let me know if any of you hve encountered this same problem and how you have dealt with it?

[Kabybaby]

Originally Posted by abg9639

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years. It is something I want more than anything. However, adoption is an open alternative to me if I am never able to conceive. I have 9 adopted siblings, so it is second nature to me. My husband, on the other hand, while open to the idea of adopting, refuses to accept the idea of adopting a child outside of our nationality... And since this is nothing new to me and my family I don't understand. It breaks my heart to think that he and I are not on the same page aout this. A child is a child, no matter what! I have a strong feeling that his family plays a large part in his stance on this subject, and I am cannot understand how he can be so closed-minded. Please let me know if any of you hve encountered this same problem and how you have dealt with it?

I can see how that is confusing for you. My DH was pretty closed to adopting period until a doc told us to move and adopt. Now he's ready to go in that direction. But we're a few years older than you, so maybe it's just a thing about time passing.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good Luck to you!

[yamensleh]

Originally Posted by abg9639

My husband and I have been trying to conceive for 3 years. It is something I want more than anything. However, adoption is an open alternative to me if I am never able to conceive. I have 9 adopted siblings, so it is second nature to me. My husband, on the other hand, while open to the idea of adopting, refuses to accept the idea of adopting a child outside of our nationality... And since this is nothing new to me and my family I don't understand. It breaks my heart to think that he and I are not on the same page aout this. A child is a child, no matter what! I have a strong feeling that his family plays a large part in his stance on this subject, and I am cannot understand how he can be so closed-minded. Please let me know if any of you hve encountered this same problem and how you have dealt with it?

Yes, I have. My DH will not even consider the ideal of adoption and it breaks my heart. I always said I would adopt a child because there are so many children that need good homes. I was shocked when he told me and I can not understand. Then I read an article that said men don't feel like fathers until they hold a child in their arms and women feel it at conception. I am going to continue to pray about it. Good luck to you.

[WackyJacqui]

I just have to tell you that my DH and I had a VERY similar conversation before we started the process to adopt. I was open to whatever, but DH wanted a child that would look like us (so that she can decide when/if she wanted to tell people she was adopted).

Our daughter's birthmom is white (as are we) and she has some similar features to me. The birthfather that she told us about was supposedly tall, white, had brown hair and brown eyes (much like my DH). We were thrilled at the possibility of having a child that would look like us (at least sort of). When our daughter was born, she was white as snow. Over the first 48 hours of her life, her true skin color came through and we realized that our daughter is definately not white. At that point, we were so thrilled to have her and we were so in love with her, the fact that she was oing to look very different from us didn't matter one bit! My husband was even suprised that it didn't even phase him one bit. She was ours and that's all that mattered!

I do have to tell you that having a child of a different race can be challanging at times (there may have been comments or struggles that your parents chose to protect you from). We live in California, which is supposed to be a liberal, progressive state, but we still get funny looks all the time when we are out as a family. We've gotten some death stares, comments that she can't possibly be ours(from a perfect stranger), and the occasional "oh, she must be adopted (which doesn't bother us, but is not fair to her)." As my husband and I discussed adopting a second time (which we have since decided not to pursue), we said we would definately NOT adopt a white child! We love the way our family looks! It's perfect!