[cindy4545]

Hi,

I have PCOS including severe insulin resistance as well as 1 blocked tube. My DH has antisperm antibodies affecting 95% of the sample (bad tails/morphology).
Our fertility clinic recommended we do IUI with sperm wash. So I took clomid and had to go in every couple days for u/s and they said "sorry, the wrong side is dominent this month, we can't do the IUI" - blocked tube side. They don't plan to unblock it. For those of you who have been ttc for a long time please don't hate me for saying this but I was so upset at not even being able to try. The clomid made me crazy and the whole thing was just so stressful - and we haven't even tried yet. Originally my DH and I agreed after some reading that we would be willing to try IUI but that's it, no IVF - too invasive for us. If the IUI's failed we would adopt.

We are now actually considering not trying. Our chances with IUI are around 10% or less. Even if we get pregnant they said based on my history that we only have a 50-50 chance of carrying the pregnancy. I honestly don't want to go through all of this - I know it sounds oftly whinny but I keep reading how once people have adopted they regret all the time wasted on trying with fertility treatments. I honestly don't think I could handle a miscarriage after all of this.
I know we all have our "point" at which we might say enough is enough, no more treatments. I am feeling tremendous guilt over not even wanting to try. My DH is very supportive and also feels the whole process is awful.
Should I be feeling guilty at not wanting to try? We have been looking into adoption. I am very fine with adoption as is my DH but I feel for some reason we have to at least try a couple IUI's and if it didn't work then look to adoption. I'm just feeling so confused right now about what to do.
Any one else not wanting to go through more than just the investigation part? Can it be too soon for "enough is enough"? Your thoughts please...

[kobl]

Hi Cindy-

We are friends with a couple who tried on their own for a year, then went through infertility testing (no official diagnosis). The RE outlined a treatment plan for them but they opted not to do fertility treatment and instead moved forward with adoption. They adopted a little boy from Guatemala a few months ago who just turned one last week and is doing great. I can't tell you what they are feeling because none of us fully know what's in another person's heart but they seem very happy and at peace with their decision. I read that 20% of couples who experience infertility get medical assistance so from that it seems that more do not so you are certainly not alone if you decide not to pursue it. Good luck and just remember to follow your own heart and don't worry about what other people think (exept of course for your DH).

[AMKD]

Hi Cindy -

You are not wrong in your feelings! How about adopting and then coming back to IF treatments in a couple years if it is something you still want to do then? There is no right or wrong answer to any of this. I think all of us share the same goal - to have our children. How we get there is the journey we all must choose to make, and one way is not better than the other.

I wish you and DH tons of love, luck and happiness!!

~AM

[cindy4545]

Hi,

My DH and I did some talking and we decided to adopt. We don't view it as second best, in fact we had discussed it before marraige and knowing about the fertility issues as something we thought would be a good way to start a family.
I am feeling so positive and feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.


Our families never knew we even went to a fertility clinic. On the weekend, we called each set of parents and I have to say they were SO supportive and happy for us!!! They completely agree that going through all those treatments with such a low chance of success and such a high chance of a risky pregnancy due to my high blood pressure etcc and the high rate of miscarriage for me doesn't make sense.
Now we have a new direction, and I want to thank you for your support!!! It is so nice to be able to talk to others who are going through this!!!
Cindy

[cristy]

Hi everyone,
My name is Cristy and new on this board. After reading your ads me too is feeling guilty about when is enough is enought?
I hope someone can give me some advise after telling you my history.
*I have been married for 5 years
*2003 decided to have baby
*till 2004 we did not have any luck and started seeing the GYN and prescribing some meds to make me regular every month
*2005 finaly we decided to go to fertility Dr. who found out that I have PCOS, while having treatment I have also did the IUI.
*I did IUI not on regular basis, first because its 2 expensive second of I am feeling sick
*Just to let you know I have done 4 IUI in 2005, the last was in Nov and after that I have stop my medication feeling sick about it, and frustrated about not having baby.
*IVF - i dont know whether i will be able to do this.

my husband and I have talked about adoption, and even his family is very supportive this way. But I have this Guilty feeling that, have I done everythingm what i could whether 4 IUI is enough.

Please help....

Regards,
Cristy

[BrandyHagz]

Cristy,

Only you will know when you've had enough...only you can decide. For some, like the original poster of this thread, simply hearing that the chances are slim and that invassive procedures are the only possible chance, is enough. For others, they can't not move forward and try, no matter how small the chance, for their own sanity. I understand both.

Here is what I've read a lot from the adoptive parents on our sister site - if you really want a baby and your insurance isn't covering the cost of your fertility treatment - then spend the money on a sure thing. At the end of the day, the money you spend towards adoption will result in a child...the money you spend on ART may or may not result in a child.

The bottom line is that ART and adoption both have their own set of pro's and cons...only you and your partner can decide which works best for you and your familial situation.

I'd be happy to answer any adoption questions you guys might have on this forum as well...

[jenedens6102]

I agree with the others. Only you know when enough is enough, each person has their own feelings and opinions towards what treatments to pursue. We have had three failed IUIs and at that point stopped. I couldn't handle the thought of gambling with money we didn't have for IVF when the results were 100%. But after taking some time off we don't feel like we've done enough. For us we wanted to be able to say to ourselves that we'd done EVERYTHING we could before moving on to adoption. I agree that it isn't a second best option, the goal for us all is to have a child. I honestly would love and care for an adoptive child just as I would a biological child. In the end regardless of circumstance, I will be a mommy someday.

[sashni]

I can see how many of us r thinking in the same direction....feels good to know that we r not alone even in our thoughts.
I had 4 failed IUI's and a failed IVF. We have decided to stop with these treatments for now and concentrate on better things in life.
Adoption is something we r considering as the next option ... a child is a child whether its born to me or some other lady.
I am ready to adopt and shower all my love on that child :-)
Good decision u have taken :-)

[Lou lou]

Best of luck to you. Me and my husband have decided (when we began seeking medical trtment) that we would go through the drill up until IVF. That will be our stopping point. Doing IUI now. Have had one (last Saturday) and in the 2ww. If after our IUI(s), nothing has happened, then we will count our blessings and move on to the next chapter of our lives and not look back. Of course, we do already have a child so that makes it completly different. He was conceived no problemo!