[jkone]

I'm 39 and have many strikes against me, this is my opinion.at 13 I had one ovary partially removed due to cyst, got pregnant at 15 and forced to abort, got a raging infection that mangled my tubes, got married at 22 had a ectopic pregancy 1 month later. Heres the clincher the tube that was left behind although cleared out, was on the 1/2 ovary side. after many tests there was no apparent reason I couldn't become pregnant, but didn't. Finally endometrial biopsy showed luteal phase defect and either time or fertility drugs were suggested as treatment. well, I weighed at the time about 250lbs not a healthy weight, I know, and the doc refused to begin treatment until I lost weight. I moved on and became very depressed. I was medicated with anti depressants and also tranquilizers for the panic disorder I have had since 17. I continued to gain weight and blossomed to
347 lbs I lost some weight and at 323lbs I decided to have gastric bypass sugery I have lost
130lbs so far. At the beginning of the 2006 my biological clock began ticking louder than ever! and I, with my sweetheart of 16 years, decided that we would try at least one invitro if it came to that and if that didn't work we would adopt. well without any help at all I got pregnant . and after 11 weeks learned that there was no detectable heartbeat since week 7 and had to have D&C. I was devastated. Doc said after one month to start trying again and I am. I'm off meds, and doing all the diet and supplement thing, but I'm feeling the reality of my situation starting to set in. I'm 39 and have only 1/2 of an ovary, how viable can any egg be? I haven't had any tests as of yet, but, along with feeling inadequate in the woman department, I am becoming more and more convinced that I am fighting a losing battle. I don't want to give up hope, but I am so frustrated. My DH has all the hope in the world and he is ever confidant that this will happen and he's also very open to adoption. I know that I have a lot of love to offer and that being a mommy is what I want so adoption is the natural course to take, but our financial situation is not so great and that has me concerned. when do I know that I am done? at what point do I throw in the towel I am so afraid that If I do become pg that I will only lose it again and that would just be another emotional set back. I was thinking that I would continue to try until 2007 that's still a few more trys and if nothing happens, we can adopt or at least begin the process or should we begin the process now? where do we begin? How do we do it? what should I do? I am truely at a crossroads any advice would be helpful.

[kobl]

Hi-

First, I just wanted to say that I am sorry for all that you have been through. Second, congratulations on losing 130 lbs! That is quite an achievement!

In terms of continuing to try for a biological child, I would suggest discussing it with your doctor. Is your current doctor an RE (reproductive endocrinologist)? If not, I would highly recommend you see an RE who can give you some guidance about your specific medical situation. I've read stories about women who had several strikes against them and still were able to have a biological child.

In terms of adoption, I would suggest finding a local adoption support group and contacting them for some information. If a local one isn't available, there are several on-line adoption support groups who I'm sure can provide you with some information.

Good luck and please keep us posted!

[mondk]

Hi. Congrats on losing the weight. I'm 170 lbs. and trying ever so hard to lose about 30 lbs. So I know how hard it is!

We are getting ready to do our first and only IVF cycle. However, since numerous other treatments didn't work in the past, I'm trying to not be overly optimistic and keep everything set in place. We have decided that we will adopt if the IVF results in a BFN. I am talking to an agency right now that sounds reasonable financially and knows what they are talking about. They are called The Adoption Network Law Center and their phone number is 1-800-367-2367. You need to talk to Sharon Kenney if you call; she is one of the adoption specialists there and is very nice and supportive. I also liked the staff at americanadoptions.com but they were more pricey. Their quote was anywhere from $20k to $27k and this other place is around $20k or a little less.

Feel free to continue talking to me about this as we are kind of in the same boat.

P.S. We are probably going to put this on a credit card if we do adopt. We have one with a $20k limit and only 4.99% interest rate. Just an idea for you if thinking where the money would come from.

Blessings, Michelle

[J9yinyang]

Michelle,

Not to sound b!tchy or anything, but you do NOT know how it feels to lose 130 pounds, just because you have 30 to lose. You are not publicly humiliated most everywhere you go. You don't have doctors refusing to treat you because of your weight. And you didn't have to have your intestinal tract rearranged to be able to lose just enough weight to get below 200 lbs. I know you didn't mean anything by it, but believe me, what she did is much more impossible than losing 30 pounds. Touchy subject, as I'm sure you can tell.

As for you, Jkone, this has to be really hard, but just remember that IVF is as expensive as adopting, so it's still an option. Though, if you adopt, you have a much better chance of bringing home a child. Good luck in whatever you decide. It's all up to whether it's important for you to have a biological child or if you're just as happy to adopt. Besides, if you adopt, you can still keep trying to have a child naturally.

Has your doctor even tried Clomid yet? That could help, as you're able to get pregnant. And an RE will definitely be helpful. As far as the drugs are concerned, they're only about $2000, which is still a lot of money, but much cheaper than adoption. So it's an avenue to explore.

Again, good luck!

[Gemmabean]

J,

You and DH will know in your hearts when it is time to "throw in the towel."

My RE will do IVF with your OWN eggs until age 43, after that they must be donor eggs. I wish we could afford IVF, but since we can't even afford IUI, I have little hope of ever having IVF.

I too am overweight. At my last RE appt, after a failed FSH cycle, I asked if I should take a few months off to loose some weight. RE said age is more a factor. Weight is a factor because it is keeping me from ovulating and we are bypassing that by using FSH drugs.

Our paths are all different. You will know in your heart when it is time to change paths or end your journey.

Until then, know that you are not alone. We are here to support you and be supported by you. We can all learn from eachother.

Take care,
Much love,
Julie

[mondk]

Jenine: I took offense to your post. My RE has told me time and again that I need to lose this weight and by God, I have tried and I cannot lose it. All I meant is that I know what she has gone through when trying to lose. It doesn't matter to me how much people weigh...my SIL weighs well over 400 lbs. and I love her to death and if anyone even looks at her cross eyed in public, I stare them down with one of my "I'll burn you alive with these eyes" stares. She also had gastric bypass, lost a lot, but then now has gained it all back.

So while I'm not that heavy, I know the pain of wanting to lose and not being able to. I'm sorry if I came across any other way.

And I do think it commendable that she has lost what she has, so please don't make it sound like I'm not.

Blessings, Michelle

[CreoleInDC]

Originally Posted by mondk

Jenine: I took offense to your post. My RE has told me time and again that I need to lose this weight and by God, I have tried and I cannot lose it. All I meant is that I know what she has gone through when trying to lose. It doesn't matter to me how much people weigh...my SIL weighs well over 400 lbs. and I love her to death and if anyone even looks at her cross eyed in public, I stare them down with one of my "I'll burn you alive with these eyes" stares. She also had gastric bypass, lost a lot, but then now has gained it all back.

So while I'm not that heavy, I know the pain of wanting to lose and not being able to. I'm sorry if I came across any other way.

And I do think it commendable that she has lost what she has, so please don't make it sound like I'm not.

Blessings, Michelle

Michelle...I don't think you need to apologize to anyone. I believe the person you were responding to is having a bad patch right now and will find the negative in ANYTHING. Humph.

[CryingInside]

Back to Jkone.......I am so happy that you have managed to lose a significant amount of weight. One of my dh's friends had the bipass surgery and he is doing well, still losing as we speak! I think it is commendable!

I also agree that only you will know when to throw in the towel. You still have several good "baby makin' " years ahead of you, but adoption is a great way to go also. There are lots of babies and children out there who need loving mommies and daddies! Good luck to you as you decide. I think that you should see an RE if you haven't yet if you decide to keep trying. They should be able to get you on the right path!

[Laura0622]

First of all, CONGRATS on the weight loss! That is an awesome achievement!!

Secondly, I think you and your DH will know when to move on with adoption. It sounds like you still have many unanswered questions about what may or may not work with your infertility. I would definately talk to an RE first to determine what my options would be. Depending on the RE's opinion, that may or may not help you make the decision to move on.

Good Luck and Keep us posted!

________________________
Laura 29
DH 33
TTC 6 yrs.
3 failed IUI's
Trying IVF/ICSI

[Lou lou]

Originally Posted by J9yinyang

Michelle,

Not to sound b!tchy or anything, but you do NOT know how it feels to lose 130 pounds, just because you have 30 to lose. You are not publicly humiliated most everywhere you go. You don't have doctors refusing to treat you because of your weight. And you didn't have to have your intestinal tract rearranged to be able to lose just enough weight to get below 200 lbs. I know you didn't mean anything by it, but believe me, what she did is much more impossible than losing 30 pounds. Touchy subject, as I'm sure you can tell.

As for you, Jkone, this has to be really hard, but just remember that IVF is as expensive as adopting, so it's still an option. Though, if you adopt, you have a much better chance of bringing home a child. Good luck in whatever you decide. It's all up to whether it's important for you to have a biological child or if you're just as happy to adopt. Besides, if you adopt, you can still keep trying to have a child naturally.

Has your doctor even tried Clomid yet? That could help, as you're able to get pregnant. And an RE will definitely be helpful. As far as the drugs are concerned, they're only about $2000, which is still a lot of money, but much cheaper than adoption. So it's an avenue to explore.

Again, good luck!

Jenine-
I'm not usually like this, but after reading through all the recent threads and posts you've written, I was taken aback to be quite honest with you. Jenine, you are being B!tchy to alot of people on here today. Maybe you shouldn't take personal offense to what other "sisters" are commenting on. Michelle wasn't even posting a reply to you and you jumped all over her.

Total b/s, this is supposed to be uplifting and fun for us, not hostile (even though I'm currently partaking).

Maybe you otta take a break from this whole thing for a day and cool down.

Michelle was only trying to relate with her own experience. And yeah, snap out of it. There, I said it!

And also... my current weight is 117 lbs. I am in a constant battle with weight. I could easily weigh alot more and in the past year have lost 17lbs of which I'm very proud. It was very hard. Are you suggesting that skinnier women can't have a hard time with weight control?? Luckily, I don't take offense to things like your comment. I worked very hard on Weight Watchers and got fantastic results. Don't think us skinny people have it easy, we have to use alot of willpower every time we raise our fork, or order at a restaurant too. Come now, who really prefers salad??


Signed,
Equally bad mood but not taking it out on (all)strangers!

[mondk]

Creole and LouLou: Thank you...for supporting me.

LouLou: I want to join WeightWatchers too. I've heard a lot of good things about them. I guess I probably need to wait to see if I get pg or not first. I don't know whether being pg and losing would be a good thing? And, congrats on losing 17 lbs! I weighed 110 lbs. for years...then turned 30 and started gaining like crazy. Do you think age has something to do with it?

Blessings, Michelle

[Lou lou]

Michelle-
It (according to W.W.) is okay to still do their program while preg. They have it modified though to add more calories. They have two programs to pick from. Very easy to follow (basically a well balanced diet). I hate "diets", but have found it completly do-able. If you have any other questions about W.W. please feel free to ask, I feel like a mini expert having done it twice (before son was born and after)
Also, given our current IF issues, I'd check with your RE first.

No sweat on the "back up" from the earlier post. I sounded like a pyscho after having just re-read it!

My age has had a huge impact on weight. When I was in my twenties, I could eat anything and not gain. Way back then, I too was very small. I would range from 102 - 110 the most. One I got married and turned thirty, everything changed. Since then I have been 132 at the high (except when pregnant) and the lowest have been able to get down to has been 115/116. Have gained a few more pounds since vacation last month and terrible nasty junk food cravings!

Not to mention my matured taste buds of loving fine food and wine!!

Good luck and God Bless also-

Lori

[mondk]

My RE was the one that suggested I go on a diet! He is always talking about my weight, every time I go he pats my belly and tells me how it would help things if I would lose. He's nice about it and all and he of course is the skinniest man. I was perturbed about it at first but am used to him now. I think I am going to go ahead and join WW...thanks for the info! I am also hoping to make new friends and hopefully, an exercise buddy I can walk with or do aerobics at the Y or something like that. I've heard good things about WW. Do you have to eat their meals, or can you plan your own?

Blessings, Michelle

[Lou lou]

Hey Michelle-
You eat your own food. It takes a couple of weeks of shopping properly to get it down. Once you've been into it for a few weeks, it takes much less time to shop. You just look at the side of everything it seems like and takes a while to know what's good and what's not. After that, the weight will fall off. The first week you'll drop anywhere from 3-7 lbs. It's very motivating. Things slow down alot after that, but if you stay the course, you'll lose every week. I did the "core" plan. So easy, no real counting or weighing!

Good luck girl, let me know how it goes!
Lori