[mondk]

Hello all. I was surfing the net the other night and came across this adoption website that shows pictures of kids waiting to be adopted. I looked at almost all of them and wish I could have them all! While there were a few newborns, most of the kids were older kids.

Anyway, I got to thinking...wouldn't it be nice to give my son the brother he has always wanted and have him be about the same age as son? We have recently moved to the country and my son left all his old neighborhood friends behind. That was the only bad thing about our move. The only kid that lives next door now is way older than my son so not a good playmate. So while I would still like a newborn, I am now thinking twice about the age of child we could adopt.

I guess I'm just venting...and maybe looking for advice...what does everyone think?

Blessings, Michelle

[meremere]

we have thought about that very long and hard! If we are not successful this time then we are moving on to the adoption! We decided to adopt newborn this time and later a older child! I was adopted when I was 4 1/2 and my half brother was 5 1/2 we were adopted together!!! my parents had a 13 year old at the time who is my brother! I am closer to him then my natural brother!!! It can be a blessing to adopt a older child I think! There are so many children out there that need a good home! BUT talking from experience as I was a terror, be ready for anything!!! I was so used to being in the system as a child I did any and every thing thinking I would be sent back to a home. I grew out of it in time ( a long long time) and now my mother is one of my best friends and I talk to her daily or I go batty!!!
The best of luck it is a hard decision to make!

[mondk]

Mere: Are you getting a newborn? Where are you at in your adoption journey? Have you had a homestudy yet? I have heard that that is one of the first things you have to get and that they cost anywhere from $1k to $3k. I hope you will enlighten me more on the process...thanks for your quick reply!

Blessings, Michelle

[meremere]

Michelle,
we are just starting it! We have had 2 meeting with the agency! I have the packet to do the home study but we are waiting until we try one last time. I simply have no energy left after loosing 4 pregnancies to go on much more! Our home study is part of the agency in total for us the whole thing will be about $24K. It is on a sliding scale based on your income and DH is well paid. That is the longest part too, we are getting letters together from our "support" friends and family as well and they all have to go through phone interviewes. It is the most paper work I have ever seen. I supported Dh for his green card (he is from England) and I though that was bad......... that was a walk in the park compaired to this but in the long run it is so worth it!!! I will be your best buddy through it if that is the way you go! We knew before we were married and before we knew we had issues we were going to adopt one or more children because of my history! Now we may adopt all our children that way! Wish that there was a multi adoption discount!!! LOL

[ara79]

i just had to jump in and say that mere, i haven't heard you this happy in awhile! it makes me happy for you!
amy

[meremere]

thanks I am happy and I hate to say it is because I went back to work part time! (DH MADE ME DO IT!! I was mad at the time!!!) It gets me out of the house, gives me something to do and now I also have more "MAD" money to spend at work. I work at Chico's and absolutely love the clothes!!!
Thanks for noticing!!!
lets all be happy together!

[mondk]

Mere: We are thinking about the Adoption Network Law Center. It will be around $20k. Dh wants to wait and see if this IVF works first, then wants to wait until after income tax time (our tax preparer has told us that we may have to pay in this year) before we move ahead with anything. I'd also like to pay off my car, then I know we could afford either a loan, or to put it all on a credit card.

So many decisions to make! I ordered an adoption resource book from amazon.com. I can't wait to read it!

You sound so happy, Mere. I agree with Amy; it is exciting to see you so happy. I hope I walk in your shoes someday...with the adoption part I mean! I'm sorry about your m/c's. It must be hard. I've had 2 m/c's my whole life; the first one I didn't even know I was pg and the second one was a chemical pg after an IUI. So I can empathize. Keep me posted on all your adoption and ttc natural proceedings. I'm glad to know there is someone here I can ask questions to...thanks for being there for me!

Blessings, Michelle

[meremere]

You are so welcome! I will be there any time you need! PM me if you have any questions! I also know that the book called "Good Greif" is a book that is supposed to be both good and a requirement to adopting with my agency. Check it out on Amazon! I agree with getting things paid off and saving a few bucks before this starts it is a hard and consuming process and the last thing you want to do is get in the money fight! ALSO check with your (if you work) and DH's job they are allowed by law BUT NOT REQUIRED TO give you a credit of UP TO $10,000 for an adoption (at least they are in Tx.) Also there is a Government credit you can apply for and that is up to $10K as well depending on the household income while going through an adoption. I also know depending on the state you are in if you adopt a older child (4to what ever age I think it is) you can get insurance for them by the state if it is to much of a financial burden for you until they are 18 but it may depend on their ethnic background. In Texas you can also get 4 years of collage paid for in a State School if you adopt a "ethnic" child or a special needs child. I am not saying that is the route for you to go, for us we are going newborn first time but there are things out there for you if you look for them that will help you the whole way throuhg!!! The best of luck I am here when and if you need me!!

[mondk]

I talked to my son this morning when he came back from his dad's. I asked him how would he like a brother close to his own age and he replied "That would be a dream come true!" So now I'm really considering an older child. We could always try for a newborn later on if things work out. I'm still excited about my IVF working, but also excited to now have a firm back up plan in case it does not work.

I will keep everyone updated...and Mere: you keep us updated too! Thanks again...

Blessings, Michelle

[kobl]

Michelle, how old is your son? My son will be three in Nov and I think about the age gap too. We are on our last cycle of IUI and then we are supposed to move to IVF but I am still not sure I can handle IVF right now. I think I am more comfortable with the idea of adoption than my dh is. He seems so sure that we will get pregnant again and have another baby. I am thinking of going to a local adoption support mtg just to get some more information.

Good luck to all of you!

[mondk]

Kelly: My son is 9. I have to wait now until after tax time before we could go through with an adoption if my IVF doesn't work. We are supposedly going to have to pay in...probably in the thousands of dollars range too. ARGH...if it isn't one thing, it's always another!

Blessings, Michelle

[meremere]

Dont you love Uncle Sam in your pocket? I am going throught that right now! HUMPH!!! Good luck with it all and I am here if you need me as are all the women here!!!

[tadanddrew]

It seems ridiculous to me that the state will pay a family to take care of a child, but a good, stable, loving family that wants to adopt that same child would have to pay 20-25K to give them a loving home for the rest of their life. You would think there would be an easier way, since there are so many kids that are waiting to be adopted.

[meremere]

Originally Posted by tadanddrew

It seems ridiculous to me that the state will pay a family to take care of a child, but a good, stable, loving family that wants to adopt that same child would have to pay 20-25K to give them a loving home for the rest of their life. You would think there would be an easier way, since there are so many kids that are waiting to be adopted.

Oh please do not get me started on this one! Any drug addicted drinking low lifer can have kids, leave them to the state over and over and there are people like the women here on this site and the countless others that struggle with IF who want pray desire the chance to have a family!!! We are investigated, interigated, put through the ringer and pay a arm and a leg to have the chance to fulfil our families! I know that there are some out there that adopt and do not treat the child right and that just makes me so so so so so so mad! The one bad apple rots the rest of the bunch type of thing!!! Rut row getting on the soap box tangent again! Need my meds I think! Sorry!

[themainissue]

Originally Posted by tadanddrew

It seems ridiculous to me that the state will pay a family to take care of a child, but a good, stable, loving family that wants to adopt that same child would have to pay 20-25K to give them a loving home for the rest of their life. You would think there would be an easier way, since there are so many kids that are waiting to be adopted.

I can definitely speak from experience here. DH and I adopted an older child a few years ago. It's been extremely challenging and somewhat heartbreaking, but we love our daughter and are doing everything we can to mentor her and do the right thing every day. In our case, there was no cost associated with adopting an older child. The state actually pays us a monthly stipend to help with the costs, and she has medicaid so her medical costs are zero as well. I know that this kind of aid isn't available if you adopt an infant through the system. Seems like if you are willing to give an older child a home, the state will be a bit more willing to help you out. JMHO.