[Gemmabean]

I am often asked what I will do if I'm never able to have children. When I am asked this, it's all I can do to not fall completely apart. Probably because I cannot imagine my life without children.

I mean, I usually pull myself together enought to say something like, I can't imagine my life without children and we will keep trying until we know in our hearts that it's time to stop trying.

As most of you know, we cannot afford IUI, IVF or adoption. So we just TTC with Follistim and an HCG trigger shot. We hope to be able to afford this for at least three more months. Then we will probably continut TTC naturally until we feel that my age is becoming too much of a problem/risk. I didn't want to be this old of a mother anyway, but we have to strongly consider my age in the next year or so.

Again, this is where I hope you can learn from me. We started TTC when I was 35, I am now 41, we NEVER imagined it would go on this long. We SO wish we'd gotten aggressive earlier. We are SO sorry we listened when we were told it was "unexplained infertility." I really don't believe there is any such thing. I think that is a completely lazy diagnosis and if you've been told that is what you "have," PLEASE seek help from another doctor.

I just wondered how those of you who do not yet have children handle it when you are asked this.

Thanks for you time and consideration.

Love,
Julie

[jenedens6102]

Julie,
My heart goes out to you. I too have been asked this very question on multiple occasions and it does knock you down a bit. It's not something that any woman every thinks about, it's instinctual for us to want to be mothers and the thought of not being a mother isn't something we see.
For me the only answer I know to give is that we'll cross that road when we get there. We've not given up the fight yet and we do all hope to be victorious in the battle. But should the time come when enough is enough we'll grasp it as best we can. It may not be in God's plan for us to have children and it may be something that we can't truly understand until years later when we are being used for a different purpose. All I can do it take life one day at a time.

[Tanya324]

I tell them life will go on!!! That I have been blessed to be a aunt and if you ask my kids a very good one. I tell them that I want to do everything I can to have a child of my own and we will keep trying with or without help but that my husband and I have been lucky enough to have 8 little ones that may not be our direct flesh but we can see ourselves in them. We will be at highschool gratuations and weddings and watching them all have there own lives with there own family's. I am not saying that I don't sit in my house when my husband is not home and feel just how lonely and quite it is and cry and worry that our home will never be filled with noise but I have a room for my kids and although we are not the kids mom and dad we are the next best thing and that is what helps to cope and go on is that if we were not here they would not have that special place to take off too...... I know how hard it is and to hear that what will you do if you don't have kids well we are all so strong because of all of this That we will go on.

[CreoleInDC]

No one has ever asked me that but one of the points I've like so far in the book "A Few Good Eggs" is that they say child-free instead of child-less.

Robby and I have a very good life. We travel alot, we have FABULOUS friends and family, our furbabies are awesome and we are very, very happy. Because of this...I don't feel like anything in my life is missing per se...I just wanted to add on.

It's kinda like before I met Robby...I was happy already and he ENHANCED my happiness. He wasn't the REASON for my being happy in the first place. His presence just took it to a whole other level.

So...if we can't have a baby...I'll prolly be very upset...but I'll get better cuz nothing else is changing.

[gracesmom]

Originally Posted by CreoleInDC

No one has ever asked me that but one of the points I've like so far in the book "A Few Good Eggs" is that they say child-free instead of child-less.

Robby and I have a very good life. We travel alot, we have FABULOUS friends and family, our furbabies are awesome and we are very, very happy. Because of this...I don't feel like anything in my life is missing per se...I just wanted to add on.

It's kinda like before I met Robby...I was happy already and he ENHANCED my happiness. He wasn't the REASON for my being happy in the first place. His presence just took it to a whole other level.

So...if we can't have a baby...I'll prolly be very upset...but I'll get better cuz nothing else is changing.

Monica,
That is such a great attitude. Before Grace, I definitely got to a place where I began to think of what my life would be like without children. Now, of course, I can't imagine life without her.

You have such a good head on your shoulders and you definitely sound like you appreciate each and everything and everyone that you have in your life. I think that for that reason alone you will succeed in this quest!

Angela

[Just~A~]

I'm with Monica. Due to financial issues, we couldn't afford to seek IF treatment until this year (at age 37), so after 10 yrs of IF, I decided I had to consider the possibility of no children in our future. We have several friends/couples who do NOT have children (and are heterosexual, not to be funny about it) so no one pressured us. We were just another couple who enjoyed travel and lots of concerts and beer on Saturday night. I sent back to school for my PhD, and picked up playing guitar again. We fur-babies, too, who have helped to fill that void tremendously.

I would be very sad if IUI hadn't worked out for us (or if something happens with this pg); with all of your support I might even consider saving up for one more try... but I HAD to learn to love my life or be miserable. Now, I have the icing on an already terrific cake.

I completely understand that not everyone is "there" yet. I respect where all of you are at in terms of dealing with IF. I hope you have your dreams come true.

~A~

[ctdougherty]

Originally Posted by CreoleInDC

No one has ever asked me that but one of the points I've like so far in the book "A Few Good Eggs" is that they say child-free instead of child-less.

Robby and I have a very good life. We travel alot, we have FABULOUS friends and family, our furbabies are awesome and we are very, very happy. Because of this...I don't feel like anything in my life is missing per se...I just wanted to add on.

It's kinda like before I met Robby...I was happy already and he ENHANCED my happiness. He wasn't the REASON for my being happy in the first place. His presence just took it to a whole other level.

So...if we can't have a baby...I'll prolly be very upset...but I'll get better cuz nothing else is changing.

This is exactly how we are What kind of dogs do you have? We have a golden retriever and a german shepard mixed with something really small because she is only 25 lbs.

[CreoleInDC]

Boxers. Two of em.

[Gemmabean]

I'm just not there.

[ara79]

you know, one of my friends asked me about this several months ago. i was floored. why would she ask me that, i hadn't even began treatment w/ an RE yet. but i guess in the world of the fertile, most don't even know what an RE is. i wasn't ready to even think about that, and i'm still not. julie, it's ok that you're not there yet.
amy

[CreoleInDC]

Originally Posted by Gemmabean

I'm just not there.

And that's perfectly fine Princess. You be you.

[jenedens6102]

It's alright if you aren't there yet Julie. Why give up a fight that is still worth battling! If and when the time comes then we'll all be faced to make decisions we hadn't expected to but with our family and friends to support us we'll make it through anything.

[Just~A~]

We all have to cope in our own way, sometimes. I did what I had to do. Sometimes I think I'm not as strong as many of you are here. The disappointment was more than I could handle.

~A~

[slobin]

Hi Julie,

I haven't talked to your in a while. I am also not there and I totally understand. I feel like I will never be there because my urge is soooo strong. If I am never able to have a bio baby I will adopt and I am sure that I will love that baby the same and be happy. I do feel that a part of me will never be fullfilled without having a bio baby so I hear you.

Hugs,

[Janet]

After suffering infertility for 14 years, I know how it feels to hurt when the kids question comes up. We have pretty much decided to move on from the whole process, after 2 miscarriages and a failed adoption. I used to be really unnerved by people with their questions and helpful suggestions. Now, I realize that infertility has been a walk in grace. I have had so many opportunities to politely smile and change the conversation. I am hoping that after suffering through this I will have learned to bite my tongue when I feel the need to ask an inappropriate question or try to fix somebody elses life. I used to try to talk about about the pain of infertility with friends and relatives, but have learned they are not equipped to deal with this type of situation, how could they be.
I am very thankful to find this forum, where others can share their stories. What a safe place.