[Gemmabean]

Ok, so I had a lot of time to think and talk to DH over this 4-day, powerless, weekend.

I am wondering about something and wondering if it's just me or if it's a universal feeling.

If we were able to adopt, I would like an infant. I feel that we could learn and grow together.

I see there are a lot of children available for adoption. I feel like adopting a child is a bigger responsibility because they are already partially formed, they already have expectations, etc. Also, I've noticed that they seem to label any child over the age of 6 as a "special needs" child.

It's just something that's been on my mind. I'm also wondering if it is true that mose people do want to adopt infants for a similar reason and if that is why there are few infants available for adoption.

I'm not trying to rattle any cages, I'm just wondering if those considering adoption would also prefer to adopt an infant, or if I just have tunnel vision on this subject.

Thanks for listening,
love,
Julie

[Annaandy]

I would definitly adopt an infant, i agree with you I want to grow together as a child.

[mondk]

Just recently my dh and I went through the pros and cons of an older child vs. a newborn. I think we have firmly decided on a newborn. My dh's main reason for this is that older children usually have a lot of 'baggage' and adjustment problems. Plus we would get to go through the entire child's life if a newborn...we would witness crawling, the baby's first steps, first words, and all the history you'd be able to tell the child about someday that you'd be unable to do with an older child.

My dh and I watched a dvd of the agency we will probably go with and I started crying during one of the adoptive parents' interviews. I don't really know why...I just know that the desire for a baby is so great within me right now. My dh promised me we will adopt if this cycle is a bust. I'm so glad he and I are on the same page now. You know?

Blessings, Michelle

[jenedens6102]

Julie,
DH and I also would like to adopt an infant. This is for a few reasons. #1 is the special time and attention an infant needs that is also a growing and learning experience for the parent. We learn their schedule as they develop one. They are cared for properly from the start. #2 this is the way we'd start if it were a biological child. You don't start off with a toddler or a child, you start with an infant. #3 this would allow us to shape and mold the child based on our beliefs and with our guidelines, not someone else's.
I'm not saying we wouldn't adopt a child, heck we almost adopted a 2 and 4 year old two years ago through my boss. But you know it just isn't something we feel right now we can handle.
However DH has some moral issues about adoption right now. He wants to be picky and be able to say not only that he wants an infant but he wants an infant of parents who don't drink, don't smoke, maybe that have some characteristics of the two of us, etc. He feels that's wrong, any child is a blessing and so he's fighting himself over the issue right now. I told him we'd cross that bridge when and if we come to it.

[Gemmabean]

Ok, so while DH was waiting for the washing machine repairman yesterday, he was watching American Chopper. They were making a bike for the Dave Thomas (Wendy's) foundation, which is an adoption foundation!

So we looked it up and there's lots of good info so I wanted to share:

Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption

Check it out.

DH asked me to share it with my computer girls. Nice to know my DH is looking out for all of us

[Lou lou]

We always planned on a six month to two year old African American or Bi-Racial domestic adoption. Mainly (age wise) because we'd already been through the infant stages with our son, and to be frank... wouldn't mind skipping that part! When they are six months, the love affair really gets crazy with them. Of course, the love you have when they are born is insurmountable, but it seems to grow in leaps and bounds even though you don't think it's possible to love any stroger than you do. It is very hard to get children in this age bracket because they usually are adopted at birth. Infants were pretty much our only option (which was fine, but not preferred).

Probably sounds very weird to ya'll.

Lori

[kobl]

Hey Lori-

I hear you. I wasn't crazy about the infant stage either. I had tons of problems with breastfeeding and we wound up in the ER twice with possible dehydration issues becuase John wasn't getting enough milk. When the babies are really little and your milk supply is low, it's very hard to tell if they are getting enough milk. I finally gave up and switched to formula at 6 weeks which really made me feel like a failure. Shortly after that, John started getting serious colic and was diagnosed with acid reflux (very common in babies, which I had no idea about til I had one!). We had to see a specialist and he was put on Nexium which helped but he still would cry fairly regularly for hours on end. And I mean screaming, crying, arching his back, the works. I would do everything possible to comfort him and nothing worked so eventually I would just wear down and cry myself. Not a fun time. By the time he was six months old, it got much, much better. But those baby commercials with the cooing, placid baby are not necessarily the norm. I am enjoying this time with John as a toddler 100 times more than I enjoyed the newborn stage. There is just alot of stress with babies that you're not necessarily prepared for. Plus I tend to me a nervous wreck to begin with. Still, though, I totally understand why people want to experience pg and childbirth and the newborn stage for themselves.

[Lou lou]

OMG, Nicholas had reflux too. He also developed Kawasaki's disease when he was three months old. It's a condition that affects the blood vessels and heart! There is no know cause for it except it usually happens in homes that are (too) clean, possibly chemicals are related, but no-one knows! He had to see a cardiologist once a year from now on. Luckily his pediatrician was so amazing and diagnosed in enough time for a transfusion. Otherwise he'd have permanant heart damage and maybe not able to run in sports etc. We were very lucky!!

He was hospitalized for a couple weeks and it was unbelievably difficult for us. Especially when we didn't know what was wrong the whole first week. His temp. was 104- 105! For a week straight!! We were lucky (seriously) if we could sleep two hours at a time. Someone had to hold him continuously. He had to have a spinal tap and several blood draws. Let alone the IV. I will never forget it.

Speaking of all the infant stuff... I had a 27 hour labor! Yeah! Back labor and he was sunny side up.
And my epidural didn't work and they took 5 hours to re-do it! Why do I want that again???

Encouraging huh???

Lori

Lori

[Junebug]

Julie- thanks for posting the link for the Dave Thomas site! I have just begun to think more seriously about adoption. Not ready to give up on IVF yet, but like to know what our other options are. This site looks really good. I am leaning more toward domestic adoption than foreign- mostly because of cost factors, and my mom was a foster child- so, it hits home.

I haven't given the infant, toddler, older child issue too much consideration. I could see plusses and minuses to both. I think that I would base my decision more on the child's background than anything.