[traci1502]

Hey ladies - Been awhile since I've been on here. Trying to play catch up and well i feel like I'm losing..lol
To catch u up on me... I'm 28 and Dh is 36. Dh and I have been married for 5 yrs now. TTC for 4. Was dx with PCOS bout 3 yrs ago. I have tried clomid & gluchage (sp). And did not have any success. Never ovulated with any of the cycles. ANd AF is still not coming around. Its been 1st of Dec since I've had my last period. Once dx with infertility as many of you know insurance stopped helping.... so finanically it got rough. Been a yr with no help and still not working. So now, dh and I are to point of what to do now?.?... I also, have two stepchildren. Witch makes this even harder.
So, I read "when is enough,..enough" post. Well I'm there now. I don't know what to do. Whether to go for a loan...and go for adoption and more than likely receive a baby....or go for more infertilty drugs....IVF and all that and have a 50-50 chance of having a baby...
I am so so confused in what to do or where to start. I have been depressed for awhile now. (my dx) I have headaches for approx. a yr and now they have related headaches to depreesion...go figure..lol.. But my husband has even noticed how i've changed...emotional, physically. I'm not interested in anything... My stepchildren (whom I love very much) makes me even more depressed being around them. I dread the weekends when they come...and I never thought I would feel this way. Cause I love them so much, but them here reminds me what I DONT HAVE...But yet that makes feel horrible knowing that i feel this way. My love life has went down hill....and I actually feel sorry for my dh.
But I really don't know what to do or say... Praying that talkin to you ladies, knowing how it feels.... will help me!!! Any advise....... Thanks ladies

Traci

[Jacklyn]

Hi Traci .. welcome back.
Hugs to you . We all here know how IF can completely take over our life. It even makes it hard for us to count our blessings. I think almost all of us go through this. If possible just take a step back and see what you do have. Its nice that you have your step children come and visit. I completely understand that it sometimes can remind you of the things you do not have, but try to see if you can get past those feelings.


May be you need a break to be alone for some time to think things over. I have noticed this with myself that at times I do not feel like meeting my friends with children, even though I truly love their children. I try to keep myself away from them for a 2-3 weeks and then I start feeling better and am ready to meet them and enjoy my time with them. Sometimes we all need a break.

Believe in God, He will work something out for you. I know that the whole insurance thing is really tough, but hang in there and you will find a way.

Take care.
-Jacklyn

[Annaandy]

Tracy-welcome back, I just wanted to say that your DH is #1 in your life even when you do have children so don't give up on your marriage, that is the most important, children do not make you who you are "You" make who you are, I lost a child years back and it took me 8 years to become preg again w/ help form IVF, so please do not give up but you also need to enjoy your life, don't let IF ruin you are your dh, you will only lose in the end, You take control of your IF and you will overcome it!!!! God bless and good luck!

[traci1502]

Hey There- Just wanted to make something clearer.... Not giving up on my marriage. It just has become.....i dunno...can't explain it. I love him and would do anything for him and will spend the rest of my life with him!!!! I guess I just feel that the 'sex' isn't as important as it used to be. And I know that it shouldn't be that way. Thats want i meant in earlier when i said that "my love life has went down hill"

[Annaandy]

Originally Posted by traci1502

Hey There- Just wanted to make something clearer.... Not giving up on my marriage. It just has become.....i dunno...can't explain it. I love him and would do anything for him and will spend the rest of my life with him!!!! I guess I just feel that the 'sex' isn't as important as it used to be. And I know that it shouldn't be that way. Thats want i meant in earlier when i said that "my love life has went down hill"

didn't mean anything by it just wanted you to try to not be depressed , have you ever tried to get a second opinio w/ a new RE?

[traci1502]

Originally Posted by Annaandy

didn't mean anything by it just wanted you to try to not be depressed , have you ever tried to get a second opinio w/ a new RE?

Hey I know u didnt sweetie... But it did look that way when I went back and read it again... No I haven't had a second opinion. Really, don't where to go or who is the best and all that stuff. Is there a website that will tell u local drs...? I have searched but not came up with anything YET... Thanks

Traci

[Annaandy]

I got a 2nd opinion and to get another RE i asked my Obgyn and he gave me my RE now and now I have success, good luck in your journey, keeo the faith and your happiness

[futuremom2b]

Traci,
I just wanted to let you know that my husband and I adopted our only son, and he has filled our hearts with so much joy, I can't even express. I am glad that you are searching for other options, I think we can tend to get so stuck in one box. I am one to talk though, we are currently going through IVF, and I take my 4th blood test on 3/23/07, our levels have been low and they are scared for us. I do know that w/out my son, this whole process would be an even bigger nightmare, I couldn't imagine it.
I'll keep my fingers crossed for you and you do the same for me!
Andrea

[uswings]

Hi Traci,
Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. I also have two stepchildren that I love, but at times I dont like being around when they are here, my dh is so wonderful with them which just reminds me of what a great father he would be to our own. But its also a reminder of what we dont share together. And I get a little jealous thinking that he shared such a wonderful experience with another woman and yet its so hard for us. I'm currently going through IVF right now (1st beta scheduled for friday). My dh is currently getting custody of his son to now live with us. I hate myself for feeling the way that I do but I cant help being angry that I have to take care of him when I cant even have my own. I'm even embarrased to write this. I dont want to sound like a witch, I mean I do love his children and I would never treat them without love but this whole infertility thing has just taken a toll on me both physically and emotionally. I pray and hope that we are all blessed with the true desires of our heart and that we would have a peace that surpasses all understanding.