[MamaSoon]

Well it seems like life just whizzes by me in every aspect of my life besides infertility. I can't believe Thanksgiving is less than two weeks away. We've put some of our Christmas lights up already (DH is Christmas obsessed).

We are getting very curious about adoption especially since we've learned that a 30 month wait is not out of the ordinary. So DH is on his third book on adoption and I am just starting my first. We are going to attend a few informational meetings this month and meet with an ex-colleague who has first hand experience adopting from China.

I have my second IVF cycle coming up this January but I was wondering if any of you are doing IVF and adoption side-by-side. I'd like to share and discuss with you all.

Thanks!
Josée

[wannabigbabybelly]

We did both at the same time!!!

Started fostering (hoping to adopt) as well as fertility treatments. Did both for about a year and a half. But by then we reached a point where our only options were...injectables or having ovarian drilling/clomid. But our insurance wouldn't cover either. During that time we also loved and lsot many little ones that came into our home and we're returned back home or to relatives (some returining to terrible situations).

We almost gave up....

We knew we'd return to fertility treatments at some point in time, figuring when we did it would be out of our own pocket.

We also weren't ready to give up on fostering because we were currently fostering a little girl who everyone thought would come up for adoption (but there was no gaurantee, we had just lost a baby who we were told would definately be ours)...

So we decided to continue fostering for the time being and to also go through our church adoption services. Before we could even finish all the paperwork to turn it in...we got the call about our oldest son through fostercare. he had already been in care for over 2 years and was in need of a foster family but was also ready to be adopted. We took him in and immediately knew he was our little boy (he had just turned 4). Before his adoption was complete we got a calll about our youngest daughter. She was only 5 days old and in need of a foster/adoptive home. We finalized our sons adoption (he had to be in our home for 6 months before adopting him). Then right after we finalized our youngest daughters adoption we got the wonderful news that our sweet baby girl who had been with us all that time as a foster child was no legally free for adoption but we still had to wait 6 months to tfinalize her adoption. Before her adoption was complete we got our youngest son as a foster- possible adopt situation. (we had him for 1 1/2 years before his rights were terminated but his bmom appealed so that held up the adoption for another year. We just finalized his adoption this summer).

While our youngest son was still in the appeal process his bmom got pregnant with another child with a different father. We fostered his half brother for about 2 months before he went to go live with a relative on his fathers side of the family.

It was during the time we had him, that DH and I decided it was time we started our fertility stuff up again...even if it meant thousands and thousands of dollars in the process.

well to our suprise ....our insuarnce now covers injectables so now our TTC is practically free.

We've already had one pregnancy and miscarriage and are currently pregnant again (with the threat of miscarriage a high possibility again).

But we feel so blessed. When God closes one door he opens another. We have been truly blessed. We believe with all our heart that God sent our precious children to us...in the time and way that he knew was best... I couldn't imagine my life without my little ones.

I'm so greatful that he's opened up this door of fertility treatments to us and that we were blessed with our precious baby and also this however long it lasts. It's a wonderful experience I wouldn't trade for the world!!! I know someday our own little one will MAKE IT ALL THE WAY HERE....we just have to wait...but it will happen.

So good luck in your adoption and fertility plans. Some people firmly believe it's one or the other. That you shouldn't move on to adoption until your done with fertility treatments and TTC. But I think it's a personal decision. God may be leading you in that direction because he may have a little one ready now or soon that needs you...and it might not be through your own womb yet... so follow where your heart leads you and everything will fall into place the way it should be!!!

[auntietomama]

We, too, are thinking of doing the same thing. Initially, we researched adoption last fall and then veered into IVF. We have completed 2 IVF's since May and both have resulted in pregnancy. Lost the first one in July. I just found out Friday the baby I am currently carrying no longer has a heartbeat. I am sad, but I had a feeling so I wasn't as stunned as the first time.
We were planning on signing with an agency if I got the BFN this last time. Of course, the BFP has delayed that process (also the agency fee increase has gone into effect while I have been pregnant--we knew this was coming, but thought we would be signing on after BFN, so it wouldn't effect us. It just seems like more insult to injury!) Anyway, we are now totally committed to initiating adoption and I think after home study and some time to heal, we might try one more IVF in late spring '08. I know from talking to all the adoptions agencies, they want a commitment from you that you have stopped IVF treatment while you are pursuing adoption. I am planning to stop for awhile, as I can't take the pressure and the stress while I grieve my two little angels. But, I know it sounds deceitful, I am thinking of trying IVF again after the stress of the initial process involving profiles, home study, etc. is over. For us, it is not an either/or process. We want a family and what is the worst that could happen? We have to delay our adoption plan so I can have a baby physically?

To be frank it kind of bothered me that the agencies ask that you refrain from agressively pursuing family building through artificial means. There appears to be an infant shortage to begin with and I would think that adoptive couples who need to delay their adoptions due to pregnancy wouldn't be an issue, as there are probably 200 more couples lined up right behind them to get their hands on the shot to have a family, right?
Also, if we could get pregnant naturally, but just WANTED to adopt, would they tell us to lay off the baby dance while we pursued the adoption? Maybe my emotions are a bit raw right now, but it irks me.

OK--I am off my soapbox! Saw you live in Chicagoland, right? Me too! I would love to be adoption/IVF buddies, as I feel so lonely right now. Infertility, IVF and m/c are very isolating, at least for me!

[Tabitha]

(posted on the other thread)

Hi Josee - we wanted to start the adoption process while doing IVF and we have been told by three agencies that they will not allow us to even start the paperwork until we have finished all infertility treatments. I have a problem with this, but I am letting it go for now. The social workers at the agencies all told us the same thing, that it's too much to try to do at the same time. I really think I should be able to make that determination, but I can't make them let us fill out an application. The agencies that we talked to were all local agencies. I think you might have better luck with the larger agencies that do placements all over the US. I was a little intimidated by these agencies, so I haven't looked into them yet. Best of luck to you, let us know what you find out.

[hopeful2bmom]

Hi josee!

Dh and I have started our home study a few moths ago, but we have since put it off because it was just too exhausting. We want to get more settled in a bigger house, but I see no reason why starting the process has to wait for IVF to be done. I say both is great, it gives you something else to be distracted by as well. My Re suggested it to us. Good luck!

[rhart]

Shortly after my husband and I were told that there was no way for us to have a naturally conceived child of our own we were terrified of IVF and decided to look into some agencies in the area. After we were told the base cost from a couple agencies was $28,000, we decided we could try IVF a couple of times an still not pay that much. When my IVF went badly I thought I was done on the journey to have a baby. It wasn't until my husband started looking into some more agencies that I started to pick up hope again. We have a couple of friends that adopted thier daughter right out of the hospital. I looked into that in our area, but the hospitals require expectant mothers to pick an agency so that's out for us. The more money you have, the easier it is to adopt in our area. There are law firms and some agencies that will guarantee a baby for the right price. We have resumed our fertility options in the meantime while working on networking for adoptive babies and saving money.

Sorry for the long post, but no, you are not alone in exhausting all means necessary to get a baby. There is nothing wrong with looking into adoption while seeking IF treatment.

[MamaSoon]

Ladies, I am stunned by the news that most agencies don't allow you to simultaneously persue IVF and adoption. If the process really takes 2-3 years in many cases then why wouldn't they understand that you are committed to creating your family if you are willing to wait so long. Is this ALWAYS the case with agencies?

Is anyone considering using a lawyer instead of an agency?

Tabitha - at least you have already done some of the leg work and know where you would apply. That is some of the work. And you never know, maybe we'll both get some good news in January!

auntietomama - I am sorry to hear that while both of your IVFs lead to BFPs, they both didn't result in viable pregnancies. I would love to be your adoption/IVF buddy. I live near Chicago and you seem to live downstate (south of Champaign) right? So you've done all the research and selected an agency already. I totally agree that with the wait times like they are, doing both in conjunction seems absolutely right to me. Did they explain to you why they didn't want you to do that? And have you select the exact agency you'll work with? HOw did you choose?

Hi Susan, so you've also selected an agency? And they also won't let you do adoption and IVF in tandem? How in depth is the home study? In my reading, I thought it was something quick. Guess I was wrong.

rhart - I can't believe they said 28K! That sounds so high. I was under the impression that is would be more like 15K - 20K. When you say you are working on networking for adoptive babies, what do you mean? Good luck with any upcoming cycles in the meantime.

wannabigbabybelly - I am very intrigued by the foster program but my husband won't hear of it. He said it would break his heart and he can't deal with anything more. It sounds like the foster-to-adopt has been very, very satisfying experience for you!

[jenedens6102]

Josee, there are a number of factors in trying to conceive and looking into adoption at the same time. I know some agencies don't approve of "artifical twining" which is where you might fall pregnant and have another child so close in age to the adopted child. Also, you mention a 30 month wait, where are you planning to adopt from? I know that in our case and the agency we were planning to go with the wait was a year at most, start to finish. We have a sister adoption forum you should check out but I can't remember the address. Definitely do as much research and leg work as you can before diving in. The more prepared you are the smoother things can sometimes go, that was the advise I got anyway. Best of luck to you!

[Tabitha]

this is the adoption forum, lots of helpful info here:

Adoption Forums, Message Boards, Discussion Groups. Adopting, Foster, Baby Adoptions